The Trump Presidency Timeline

Musk’s **Department of Government Efficiency** just gained access to **a HUD system containing confidential records on housing discrimination victims, including domestic violence survivors.** This is just the latest **data grab**, after DOGE **tried to access taxpayer records, Social Security info, and even Treasury payment systems.** Meanwhile, Trump is **slashing HUD’s workforce in half**, because **“efficiency”** means gutting civil rights enforcement while **snooping through survivors’ private files.** I guess

RFK Jr., **Trump’s anti-vax Health Secretary,** just **downplayed a deadly measles outbreak in Texas,** brushing off the first U.S. child death from the disease in 22 years. Meanwhile, hospitals are **overflowing with unvaccinated kids,** and Texas counties with **sky-high vaccine exemption rates** are seeing outbreaks spread. But sure, let’s keep pretending **vaccines are the real problem.**

Musk’s **“government efficiency” crusade** conveniently ignores the **$38 billion in taxpayer money** that **made him the richest man alive.** His companies have thrived on **federal contracts, subsidies, and low-interest loans**, but now that he’s in charge of **slashing government spending,** guess which agencies he’s targeting? **The same ones that funded his empire.** Must be nice to **pull the ladder up after you’ve climbed it.**

An **Oklahoma Republican senator just lost his mind** over a bill to **ban schools from beating disabled children,** raging that it **violates the Bible** and is somehow **“socialist.”** Meanwhile, this same guy **wants mandatory Trump-branded Bibles in schools** and is **really passionate about deregulating donkey milk.** Priorities.

The DOJ just **dropped its discrimination lawsuit against SpaceX**, which had accused Musk’s company of **illegally refusing to hire asylum seekers and refugees.** No reason given—just quietly swept away, right as Musk **runs Trump’s government “efficiency” program** and slashes funding for agencies that investigated him. Coincidence? **Absolutely not.**

House Republicans just **voted to gut Medicaid and food assistance** for **millions of low-income Americans**—all to **fund massive tax breaks for the rich.** The plan? **Slash $880 billion from Medicaid**, kick **9 million people off SNAP**, and still **only cover 20% of Trump’s tax giveaways.** But don’t worry, billionaires and big corporations are getting **exactly what they paid for.**

Musk’s **Department of Government Efficiency** just **quietly deleted its biggest “savings” claims** after reporters exposed **massive math errors**—like **miscounting an $8 million ICE cut as $8 billion** and **overstating Social Security cuts by 40,000%.** But don’t worry, DOGE still insists it saved **$65 billion**—because when the numbers don’t add up, **just erase the evidence.** the internet is forever though

Trump just **put U.S. citizenship up for sale**, launching a **“gold card”** that lets the ultra-wealthy **buy their way into America for $5 million**—because nothing says **immigration reform** like **letting Russian oligarchs and billionaires skip the line.** Meanwhile, working-class immigrants? **Still out of luck.**

Trump’s **biggest cost-cutting stunt** turns out to be **a total scam**, with nearly **40% of canceled contracts saving exactly $0**—because **you can’t “cut costs” on money that’s already been spent.** Meanwhile, Musk’s **Department of Government Efficiency** is bragging about **slashing research, training, and even paid media subscriptions**, because nothing says **fiscal responsibility** like **cancelling contracts for office furniture and carpet cleaning.**

Consumer confidence just **took its biggest dive since 2021** as Americans brace for **inflation, job cuts, and Trump’s latest tariff spree.** Egg prices are soaring, **restaurants are adding surcharges for omelets,** and Trump is threatening **a 25% tax on Canada and Mexico**—because the **economic genius** is making groceries and basic goods **even more expensive.**

Trump’s **“America First” diplomacy now includes looting Ukraine’s resources** in exchange for past U.S. aid, because apparently **defending democracy isn’t free—but pillaging a war-torn country is.** After calling Zelensky a **“dictator”** and siding with **Russia and North Korea** at the U.N., Trump is now demanding **Ukraine hand over its minerals, oil, and gas**—because nothing says **support for an ally** like a 19th-century-style **imperial shakedown.**

Trump just **turned Guantánamo Bay into an immigration detention center**, shipping nearly 180 migrants to a **notorious military prison** where they were **kept in solitary confinement, stripped, shackled, and driven to suicidal despair.** DHS called them the **“worst of the worst”**—but somehow, **none of them had criminal records.** Because nothing says **“land of the free”** like throwing asylum seekers into **a black site known for torture.**

More than **20 government tech experts just quit en masse**, refusing to help Musk’s **Department of Government Efficiency** dismantle **critical public services.** Meanwhile, Musk—who once hyped DOGE as a **bureaucracy-busting revolution**—was last seen at CPAC **waving a Chinese-made chainsaw.** Because nothing says “American efficiency” like **gutting Social Security and veterans’ services while roleplaying as a dictator.**

Musk tried to **force 2.3 million federal employees to justify their existence** via email, only for the Trump administration to **quietly tell agencies to ignore him.** The result? **Mass confusion, TSA delays, and government workers scrambling to write bullet points instead of doing their jobs.** Meanwhile, HUD offices are apparently **looping AI-generated videos of Trump sucking Musk’s toes.** Government efficiency at its finest.

Trump just **scrapped a rule that stopped U.S. allies from using American weapons to commit war crimes**, because apparently **even the bare minimum of accountability was too much to ask.** Now, Israel and others can **bomb civilians with zero oversight**, all in the name of “America First.” Hope those “economic considerations” were worth it.

Grok, Musk’s **"maximally truth-seeking"** AI, briefly refused to deny that **Musk and Trump spread misinformation**—which, of course, was **immediately blamed on a rogue ex-OpenAI employee.** Meanwhile, Musk’s team had already **stepped in** to prevent the chatbot from suggesting that **Musk and Trump deserve the death penalty.** So much for that whole "understanding the universe" thing. Grok also says bernie sanders is the best candidate right now so he's no dummy

Trump **deployed thousands of troops to the border** for a **crisis that doesn’t exist**, and now they’re **sitting around collecting six-figure salaries** to do **absolutely nothing**—except maybe boost the local bar economy. Meanwhile, asylum is **shut down entirely**, but sure, let’s keep paying for military helicopters to **patrol empty fields** for the sake of “tough of looking like a tough guy.” even though hes 350lbs doesnt exercise wears clown make up and destroys big macs

Trump just put **conspiracy-peddling podcaster Dan Bongino** in charge of FBI operations—because apparently **actual law enforcement experience** is for suckers. Bongino, best known for **losing multiple elections and “owning the libs” online**, now gets to run an agency he’s spent years attacking. Meanwhile, his boss, Kash Patel, has also **never worked for the FBI**, but who needs qualifications when you’ve got **blind loyalty to Trump?**

Germany’s likely next leader **just declared Europe’s 80-year alliance with the U.S. dead**, because apparently **cozying up to Putin and gutting NATO** was a bit of a red flag. Merz now wants to **build a European defense system**—because when Trump called Zelenskyy a dictator and **threatened to pull U.S. troops**, it became clear that **America’s foreign policy is now a Musk-endorsed dumpster fire.**

After **firing over 1,000 FDA scientists**, including those reviewing **Elon Musk’s brain chip company**, the administration is now **begging them to come back**—because it turns out gutting the agency that ensures **food, drugs, and medical devices are safe** was a bad idea. But hey, at least Musk’s **$250 million donation** to Trump’s campaign wasn’t wasted on efficiency or competence.