The Trump Presidency Timeline

The Trump administration’s grand experiment in criminalizing protest has hit another wall labeled "First Amendment." Federal prosecutors in Chicago quietly tossed the remaining charges against the so-called Broadview Six — including Democratic congressional candidate Kat Abughazaleh — after their big anti-protester show trial dissolved into questions about grand jury misconduct and mysteriously redacted transcripts. The government went from screaming "felony conspiracy to impede an officer" to backing away from misdemeanor charges like a kid caught shoplifting gum.

US attorney Andrew Boutros told the judge the protesters’ conduct was "unacceptable in a civilized society," which is a bold statement from an office now under threat of sanctions for how it handled the case. Defense attorneys say their clients spent months under the threat of prison for the crime of being "decent, honorable citizens" who protested ICE; the government’s case has now been dismissed with prejudice, meaning it’s dead, buried, and not even Stephen Miller’s necromancy can bring it back.

This isn’t a one-off embarrassment, it’s a pattern. Prosecutors previously dropped charges against Marimar Martinez, a Montessori teacher shot five times by a border patrol agent, and a jury acquitted Juan Espinoza Martinez, whom the Trump team tried to sell as some kind of border-patrol-assassin mastermind. Meanwhile, Illinois state police are investigating an ICE agent who shot and killed Silverio Villegas Gonzalez. So the scoreboard under Trump’s second-term immigration crusade looks like this: protesters, teachers, and random Chicagoans walk free; law enforcement keeps shooting people; and the Justice Department keeps faceplanting every time it tries to turn dissent into a felony.

Elon Musk, a man who spent nearly $300m buying Trump and Republicans an election and got an extra half-trillion dollars out of the deal, is now using his state-subsidized megaphone to rage that Lupita Nyong’o is playing Helen of Troy. The guy who helped install a government that showers him with cash is convinced that a Black woman in a movie about a swan-egg myth lady is the real existential threat to western civilization. Democracy, antitrust enforcement, campaign-finance laws? Those are fine. The problem is clearly casting.

Between arranging taxpayer-backed space contracts, tagging along on Trump’s China field trips, and watching his net worth balloon from about $270bn to roughly $800bn under the new regime, Musk has apparently decided his main job is chief culture-war propagandist. He spends most days on X amplifying accounts that insist the "white race" is under siege, nodding along to race science cosplay, and agreeing that a Nolan movie is the frontline of a leftist plot to erase the west. Civil rights groups read his feed and say, "if you stripped the name off this, you’d assume it was a white supremacist"; the Trump administration reads it and says, "policy agenda."

And when he’s not whining about Nyong’o’s beauty or the skin tone of a fictional demi-bird princess, he’s obsessively interacting with an anonymous account whose main function is to praise him like a North Korean newscast with worse graphic design. The man who bought an election, a platform, and probably a new hairline still can’t buy inner peace, but he can bankroll a government that deregulates him into the stratosphere while he turns its pet social network into a 24/7 race panic machine. Western civilization isn’t being destroyed by Christopher Nolan, it’s being pawned off by its richest hall monitor for stock options and quote-tweets.

Donald Trump, Commander-in-Chief and father of the year, told reporters he’ll "try" to attend Don Jr.’s Bahamas wedding but that it’s "not good timing" because he has "a thing called Iran and other things." When you’ve started an Iran war so ill-conceived you describe it like a calendar reminder you forgot to snooze, family events do get tricky.

Trump explained that if he goes to the wedding, "I get killed," and if he doesn’t go, "I get killed, by the fake news, of course" — bravely framing his son’s nuptials as yet another heroic battle in his eternal war against accountability. The marriage itself is being spun as a "big win" for Don Jr., which is how this clan describes both elections and engagements, presumably because in Trumpworld every human relationship is just another branding opportunity.

Adding to the farce, Don Jr.’s ex-fiancée Kimberly Guilfoyle is safely parked as U.S. ambassador to Greece, a prestigious diplomatic post that in a functioning democracy would not double as the "sorry we broke up" severance package. But here we are: war with Iran in the background, a destination wedding in the Bahamas, and ambassadorships being handed out like parting gifts on a game show. American foreign policy as a messy blended-family drama is certainly one way to run a superpower.