The Trump Presidency Timeline

The FBI is now under new management—MAGA management. The Senate narrowly confirmed Kash Patel as FBI director, installing a Trump loyalist with a history of attacking the bureau and pushing right-wing conspiracy theories. Patel, a former Trump aide with zero experience leading a law enforcement agency, now commands 30,000 employees and has sweeping surveillance powers. His confirmation was the tightest in FBI history, with even a couple of Republicans breaking ranks over concerns that Patel might—just maybe—politicize the bureau. Meanwhile, AG Pam Bondi is already hyping him up, warning “they better look out,” without specifying who “they” are. Subtle.

The Justice Department has taken presidential clemency to new heights of absurdity, expanding Trump's mass pardon of January 6 rioters to dismiss unrelated gun charges. Federal prosecutors are now dropping cases against individuals like Daniel Ball and Elias Costianes, whose illegal firearms were discovered during Capitol riot investigations but had no direct connection to the events of that day. This broad interpretation effectively grants a get-out-of-jail-free card for crimes uncovered during the January 6 probes, showcasing the administration's unwavering commitment to absolve its supporters, regardless of their offenses. Apparently, 'law and order' is a flexible concept.

The administration’s crackdown on “big government” sure is profitable—for them. While Elon Musk and his crew demand budget cuts and layoffs across federal agencies, funding for their own pet project, the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), has mysteriously ballooned to nearly $40 million. The Trump administration refuses to disclose where the money is going, claiming DOGE is “maximally transparent” while simultaneously dodging FOIA requests and legal challenges. Critics point out that if DOGE is a federal agency, it must follow transparency laws. If it’s not, then it’s illegally siphoning federal funds. Either way, the grift is strong. Apparently, ‘draining the swamp’ means redirecting the cash flow.

The administration’s war on science escalates as Trump’s executive orders gut the NIH, slashing funding, freezing research, and firing scientists—because why invest in life-saving medical advancements when you can hand out tax cuts? Top researchers warn these moves will delay treatments for cancer, Alzheimer’s, and diabetes, with some bluntly stating they “will kill.” Grants are now tied up in bureaucratic chaos, hiring has stopped, and review boards can’t even meet to approve new research. Meanwhile, the administration is so committed to slashing jobs that it accidentally fired key scientists working on the avian flu outbreak… and then tried to un-fire them. Brilliant leadership.

In a move that defies both logic and compassion, the Trump administration, with Elon Musk at the helm of health policy, has gutted the National Institutes of Health's Center for Alzheimer's and Related Dementias (CARD). Firing approximately 10% of its workforce, including the incoming director, Kendall Van Keuren-Jensen—a leading researcher in early disease detection—this decision jeopardizes critical advancements in Alzheimer's research. As millions of Americans grapple with this devastating disease, the administration's actions signal a reckless disregard for scientific progress and public health. Apparently, dismantling essential medical research is the new frontier in 'innovation.'

Some Trump supporters are finally realizing they bought a lemon. UFC fighter Sean Strickland, once a die-hard fan, is now clutching his pearls over Trump’s plan to take over Gaza, wondering why "America First" doesn’t seem to include America. Meanwhile, right-wing pundits like Tucker Carlson and Sohrab Ahmari are discovering that Trump’s policies don’t quite match his populist shtick—shocking. As the administration steamrolls ahead with its own agenda, former loyalists are left grappling with the fine print on the snake oil they eagerly bought. Who could have seen this coming?

The administration is gearing up to hijack the U.S. Postal Service, firing its governing board and stuffing the 250-year-old institution under the Commerce Department—because what’s another public service to plunder? Enter Secretary Howard Lutnick, a Wall Street billionaire with “great business instinct” (aka, a privatization agenda). Postal experts are already calling the move illegal, but when has that ever mattered? Meanwhile, the Postal Board is lawyering up to fight the takeover, and even some GOP members are mysteriously MIA. With 70% of Americans viewing USPS favorably, it’s no shock that Trump has long resented it—first starving it of funding, then calling it Amazon’s “Delivery Boy.” Now, he’s skipping the sabotage and going straight for a hostile takeover. Because nothing screams ‘populist’ like selling off public services to corporate cronies.

Trump kills federal police misconduct database, because why track bad cops? In a move that will surely make accountability optional, the Trump administration has shut down the National Law Enforcement Accountability Database, which tracked misconduct records for federal officers. The database was created under Biden and covered 150,000 officers across 90 agencies, helping prevent problem cops from agency-hopping. But apparently, tracking who’s been fired for misconduct is just too much government oversight. No explanation was given for the shutdown, but Trump’s executive order scrapping it claimed Biden’s policies were “radical” and “illegal.” Because nothing says law and order like letting bad cops wipe the slate clean.

CDC’s top lab fellows just got the boot, because who needs disease experts? While Trump’s administration backtracked on firing the CDC’s Epidemic Intelligence Service trainees after public backlash, they quietly axed at least 15 out of 21 fellows from the Laboratory Leadership Service—scientists who specialize in public health lab work. These are the people who track deadly viruses, build outbreak response labs, and, you know, help prevent pandemics. The official reason? They “do not fit the agency’s current needs,” which, given the administration’s allergy to science, sounds about right. Meanwhile, a communications gag order means some of these experts couldn’t even finish critical projects—like developing a test for an emerging virus in Florida—before they were kicked to the curb. Because nothing says ‘America First’ like gutting public health while pretending it’s about efficiency.

I guess “draining the swamp” just means gutting the government and hoping nobody notices. A federal judge just cleared the way for Trump’s mass firings of federal workers, rejecting a union lawsuit that tried to block the move. More than half a million jobs are on the chopping block, and the IRS is already laying off 6,000 employees—because nothing says efficiency like gutting the tax agency in the middle of filing season. The unions argue this is an unconstitutional power grab, but the judge shrugged and kicked the case to a labor board stacked with Trump appointees. Meanwhile, Trump’s administration insists this is just about “streamlining and modernizing” the government—because nothing says modern like firing everyone and letting chaos sort it out.

Trump’s watchdog-for-hire, Elon Musk’s DOGE, has put a $1 spending limit on government employee credit cards, because nothing says ‘efficiency’ like forcing bureaucrats to file reimbursement paperwork for a cup of coffee. This new policy, already in place at the GSA and several agencies, is set to roll out across the entire federal workforce. Employees who need to spend more than a dollar (so… everyone) now have to request approval on a case-by-case basis, ensuring the government grinds to an absolute halt. Critics argue that the move will create more inefficiency and red tape, but hey, at least it’ll stop those rogue scientists from splurging on pens and lab equipment.