The Trump Presidency Timeline
Documenting the chaos since day one. 2743 entries and counting.
todd blanche auditions to be america’s top cop for trump, not for the law

Todd Blanche, proudly demonstrating how to turn the Department of Justice into the Department of Just Get Trump What He Wants.
Source: theguardian.com
labor secretary discovers workers are the real deep state

Lori Chavez-DeRemer stands before a three-story Trump portrait at the Labor Department, helpfully illustrating who the agency really works for these days—and it’s not workers.
The Trump Labor Secretary, Lori Chavez-DeRemer, has resigned after a speedrun of scandals that somehow managed to combine alleged affair-with-a-subordinate drama, misuse of travel funds, grant-steering to political buddies, and a husband who got banned from Labor HQ over sexual assault allegations. Naturally, she took to Instagram and X to announce that none of this is her fault; it’s all a plot by “high-ranked deep state actors” and the “one-sided news media” who are, tragically, insufficiently appreciative of her efforts to annihilate worker protections.
Inside the department, staff describe “constant turbulence,” which is a very polite way of saying “hostile work environment run by people who think unions are Antifa.” Chavez-DeRemer reportedly never even signed the required harassment policy statement, while the agency shed about 20% of its workforce, gutted international grants, and issued threats to employees about talking to the press. When the department’s social media started echoing Nazi rhetoric, the solution wasn’t to rethink the messaging; they just transferred the staffer to Homeland Security, the bureaucratic equivalent of shuffling radioactive waste to the next building.
Labor experts say she sat by while the budget was slashed, unions were targeted, and worker protections were rolled back, including overtime and minimum wage protections for homecare and domestic workers, farmworker safeguards, and even a rule that would stop employers from paying disabled workers below minimum wage. But she didn’t leave over making workers poorer and less safe; she left because the scandal finally became too embarrassing for an administration that has a three-story portrait of Trump plastered on the Labor Department building like a dictator starter kit.
Chavez-DeRemer arrived in office on a glowing endorsement from Teamsters president Sean O’Brien, who praised Trump for “putting American workers first” by nominating her. Now that she’s resigned in disgrace, the Teamsters are suddenly very busy not answering questions. Workers are left with fewer protections, more insecurity, and a department whose leadership treats them as a shadowy conspiracy rather than the people actually doing the job. Deep state, meet cheap state: fewer staff, weaker rules, and a boss who blames you on Instagram while the building is still on fire.
Source: theguardian.com
trump sanctions kagame’s army, nba quietly airballs the dictator merch deal

Adam Silver smiles courtside with Paul Kagame, as long as the sanctions only apply to the guys with guns and not the guys buying jersey sponsorships.
The Trump administration finally noticed that Rwanda’s military has been doing war crimes like it’s a competitive sport in eastern Congo and slapped sanctions on the Rwanda Defence Force (RDF) and senior officials. That instantly turned the Armée Patriotique Rwandaise Basketball Club – yes, the team literally owned by the sanctioned military – into a walking OFAC violation inside the NBA’s shiny Basketball Africa League. APR was quietly yanked from the tournament, replaced by the RSSB Tigers, because nothing says "clean break from authoritarianism" like swapping the army’s team for one owned by the state social security board.
The awkward part? The NBA has spent the last decade turning Paul Kagame into a courtside statesman, not a ruthless authoritarian who wins elections with 99% of the vote and exports chaos, massacres, and mineral plunder into the DRC. Kagame’s former aide Claire Akamanzi now runs NBA Africa, "Visit Rwanda" is slapped on the Los Angeles Clippers, and Kagame does the All-Star Game networking circuit while his army and proxy militias displace hundreds of thousands back home.
NBA deputy commissioner Mark Tatum has been insisting they just "follow the lead of the US government" on where to do business. The second that same government made the RDF legally radioactive, the league suddenly discovered that maybe the general’s team shouldn’t be in their feel-good Africa expansion project. For now, the NBA is technically in compliance, still happily partnered with the dictatorship itself, just not the bits of it Treasury has highlighted in red. The message: war crimes are bad, but if you move the logo from the army to the pension fund, we can still run the playoffs in Kigali and call it development.
Source: theguardian.com
trump cuts medicaid, planned parenthood forced to sell foreheads to save uteruses

Planned Parenthood nurse performs a cosmetic procedure so the clinic can afford to keep doing the wildly controversial service known as ‘basic healthcare for poor people.’
Republicans finally did it: they owned the libs so hard that Planned Parenthood clinics are now running side hustles as Botox bars to keep the lights on. After Donald Trump and Congress jammed through a tax-and-spending package that blocks Planned Parenthood and any abortion provider from taking Medicaid for non-abortion care, the country’s largest affiliate in Northern California is plugging the budget crater with cash-only cosmetic procedures, IV drips for hangovers, and sedation upsells.
This is what "pro-life" governance looks like in practice: 75–80% of their patients are on Medi-Cal, but instead of letting poor women use their health insurance for Pap smears and IUDs, the federal government told clinics to go find some side gig in the gig economy. So now reproductive health providers are doing aesthetic injectables to subsidize birth control and cancer screenings, while the same politicians who caused the crisis will soon point at the Botox menu and shriek that Planned Parenthood is a frivolous beauty shop that doesn’t need funding. It’s not healthcare policy; it’s a long con where low-income patients pay the price and Congress pretends it’s fiscal responsibility.
Source: npr.org
authoritarian-in-chief RSVPs to free press cosplay gala

A tuxedoed Trump addresses the room, bravely enduring the nation’s most savage punishment for attacking the free press: a rubber chicken dinner and a few jokes everyone’s too scared to tell.
Source: theguardian.com
trump sues himself for $10 billion, demands taxpayers apologize

Trump, presumably explaining how suing his own government for $10 billion is totally normal and not at all a taxpayer-funded pity party.
U.S. District Judge Kathleen Williams has done the unthinkable in Trump’s America: she’s asked if a lawsuit actually makes legal sense. Trump is suing the IRS and Treasury for $10 billion because a contractor leaked his tax returns, but there’s a tiny constitutional speed bump — he’s the sitting president, and the IRS is an agency he literally oversees. Williams dryly noted that courts need an actual “case or controversy,” which is hard to find when one side ultimately answers to the guy on the other side.
Both Trump’s lawyers and the Justice Department have been trying to quietly hit the pause button while they “resolve” this, which sounds a lot like, “We’re workshopping how the president can bill taxpayers for his own embarrassment.” Trump swears he’ll donate any winnings to charity, a lovely gesture that somehow still involves vacuuming billions out of the public treasury because his tax records showed he paid $750 in federal income taxes and the nation laughed.
The complaint, filed by Trump, Don Jr., Eric, and the Trump Organization — truly the Avengers of reputational harm — claims the leak caused them financial damage and “public embarrassment.” The judge now wants both sides to explain by May 20 why this isn’t just the president staging a fake fight with his own government to get a giant check from taxpayers. The Justice Department, led by Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, insists it can handle these “competing interests” ethically, which is a bold promise when the core issue is whether the president can turn the U.S. government into his personal GoFundMe.
Source: nbcnews.com
civil rights division now protecting ai from civil rights

Elon Musk and the Trump DOJ, jointly ensuring that no algorithm is ever burdened by the weight of basic civil rights.
Source: theguardian.com
the emperor’s new l’s

Artist’s rendering of Trump’s week: a ‘mission accomplished’ banner hanging over a smoking crater labeled ‘victory.’
Donald Trump, the man who once promised his supporters they’d be “tired of winning,” has finally delivered on that pledge — they’re exhausted from watching him lose. NPR sums up his recent stretch as a string of setbacks on everything from the economy to foreign policy, which is what happens when you campaign as an all-powerful dealmaker and then run the government like a reality show filmed in a shredder.
The White House sales pitch was endless, effortless victory; the reality is a highlight reel of faceplants, stalled agendas, and foreign leaders who have figured out they can just wait him out. Victory on all fronts has quietly been rebranded as “it’s the media’s fault” and “witch hunt season 12.” The strongman act looks less like 4D chess and more like a guy flipping over the board because he just discovered there are rules.
Source: npr.org
america’s middle east policy outsourced to jared’s group chat again

Jared Kushner, freshly moisturized and unelected, prepares to solve Middle East peace again between real estate deals.
Source: nbcnews.com
tucker carlson discovers regrets, many years after the refund period

Tucker Carlson, pictured here in the wild, attempting to evolve from propaganda goldfish to thoughtful statesman long after the tank has been drained.
Tucker Carlson, longtime Trump hype man and professional white grievance sommelier, is now reportedly remorseful about supporting the guy he spent years selling as a cross between George Washington and a Facebook uncle with Wi-Fi. NPR chats with Jason Zengerle, who literally wrote the book on Carlson, about Tucker's sudden, dramatic break from Trump — the political equivalent of the arsonist standing in front of the burning building and saying, "Boy, someone really should have done something."
The timing is, of course, impeccable: after years of amplifying lies, laundering authoritarian talking points, and cashing checks off the back of Trumpism, Carlson is now trying on the who, me? persona. It's a classic MAGA ecosystem move: spend a decade helping set democracy on fire, then pivot to "deeply concerned" commentator once the flames get uncomfortably close to your own reputation. Whether this is soul-searching or just brand maintenance, the damage was done long ago — and the people who believed him don't get a remorse tour.
Source: npr.org
the house always wins when the house is trump

Donald Trump admiring the Taj Mahal casino, a monument to his lifelong belief that the best way to manage risk is to let everyone else pick up the tab when it crashes.
Donald Trump has discovered a deep moral objection to gambling and prediction markets — right around the time his own media company is gearing up to launch prediction markets on Truth Social through an exclusive deal with Crypto.com. He solemnly informs reporters that the world has become "somewhat of a casino" and that he was "never much in favor" of it, which is a bold claim from the guy whose business model for decades was literally owning casinos until they exploded into bankruptcy.
While Trump tut-tuts about people placing lucrative bets on things like an Iran war, his administration is quietly doing everything it can to juice the online betting sector. They killed a Biden-era effort to rein in Polymarket, and now the Justice Department and the CFTC are suing three states — Connecticut, Arizona, and Illinois — for daring to regulate prediction markets themselves. Washington’s position: only the feds get to protect the public from unregulated gambling, by making sure it stays conveniently under the watchful eye of a federal agency led by Trump appointees while the president’s family is financially wired into the industry.
The White House insists that Trump has "no involvement" in any business deals that might touch his constitutional responsibilities, and that he’s acting in an "ethically sound" manner — which is why his majority stake in Trump Media now sits in a nice, cozy revocable trust run by Donald Trump Jr. Junior, for his part, just happens to be an investor in Polymarket and a strategic adviser to its top competitor Kalshi, but we are told he "does not interface" with the federal government and has "no influence" on policy. The fact that the administration is bulldozing state regulators to protect prediction markets is, we’re assured, a cosmic coincidence.
To complete the morality play, Trump compared a U.S. special forces soldier allegedly using insider knowledge of a Venezuelan raid to win $400,000 on Polymarket to Pete Rose betting on his own team — and hinted he’d "look into it" because betting on yourself is apparently fine. Between the president’s nostalgia for his casino days, his son’s prediction-market side hustle, and the federal government suing states that try to regulate the whole mess, the Trump era has finally achieved perfect thematic clarity: America is the casino, the house is the Trump family, and the rest of us are just here to provide liquidity.
Source: nbcnews.com
trump’s ice discovers due process, immediately objects

Artist’s rendering of American justice under Trump: a family detention center, an ankle monitor, and DHS calling everyone who disagrees an ‘activist’ helping terrorists.
A woman and her five children spent more than 10 months in Trump’s shiny second-term family prison system because her ex-husband allegedly firebombed a rally in Colorado. She condemned the attack, divorced the guy, and still wound up in a cage in Dilley, Texas — because under Trump immigration policy, marriage is apparently a strict-liability offense. Their crime was not having advance knowledge of what the government still can’t prove they knew, but sure, lock the kids up anyway.
US district judge Fred Biery finally ordered the family released, at which point the Department of Homeland Security had a full meltdown, denouncing him as an “activist judge” who was “releasing this terrorist’s family onto American streets”. The woman and her 18-year-old now get to wear ankle monitors as a consolation prize for surviving months in a notorious detention camp where, the legal team says, their health cratered, depression spread through all five kids, and the mother ended up in the ER with fluid around her heart. DHS, of course, insists they received excellent medical care and due process, which is an interesting way to describe indefinite detention of people you haven’t charged with a crime.
So the longest family detention of Trump’s second term ends not with an apology, accountability, or reform, but with a grudging release, ankle shackles, and the government loudly smearing a traumatized family as terrorist-adjacent for the crime of existing. The message from Trump’s immigration machine remains clear: if someone you once loved does something horrific, the state reserves the right to disappear you and your children into a desert detention center and dare a federal judge to stop them.
Source: theguardian.com
trump discovers he cannot personally delete asylum law

Trump gazes at the southern border, wondering why screaming "invasion" doesn’t automatically overwrite the U.S. Code.
Donald Trump, constitutional scholar of Fox News University, has once again discovered that the president of the United States is not, in fact, a one-man immigration code. A three-judge panel on the DC circuit just blocked his executive order that tried to shut down asylum access at the southern border because he declared an "invasion" on inauguration day and decided, personally, that the law no longer applied until he felt better about it.
The court helpfully reminded him that the Immigration and Nationality Act gives people the right to apply for asylum and that the president does not get to create "procedures of his own making" or erase mandatory protections against torture and persecution. Even Trump-appointed Judge Justin Walker could only manage a partial dissent, agreeing that, no, the commander-in-chief cannot just deport people to be persecuted or strip away the basic process that prevents that. Baby steps.
The White House response was to scream "liberal judges" and accuse the courts of being political, which is an interesting charge from an administration that calls everything an invasion and then claims sweeping powers to override statutes because they saw a scary segment on cable news. Press secretary Karoline Leavitt insisted Trump was acting "completely within his powers" and that judges should be thanking him for stopping a supposed "scam" that let "tens of millions" fraudulently claim asylum, a number that—fun fact—does not exist outside the Mar-a-Lago math department.
The administration now threatens to run to the supreme court, because when your entire immigration agenda is built on pretending Congress never passed any laws, you might as well see how far the courts will let you push the fantasy. For now, though, the ruling delays Trump's latest attempt to convert asylum law into a vibes-based deportation machine.
Source: theguardian.com
maga justice department brings back the firing squad, because of course it does

The Trump Justice Department, bravely innovating by reinventing 19th-century execution methods while calling it modernization.
Source: theguardian.com
trump doj discovers citizenship comes with a return policy

Lady Liberty, updated for the Trump era, holding a flaming "CANCELLED" stamp instead of a torch.
The Trump administration has decided that citizenship is less a solemn, stable legal status and more a Costco membership you can revoke if you don’t like someone’s accent. DOJ officials say they’re targeting at least 300 foreign-born Americans for possible denaturalization, and USCIS has been told to trawl through files nationwide to cough up 100–200 potential victims per month, like it’s running a loyalty program for fascism. Federal prosecutors in field offices are now moonlighting as citizenship bounty hunters.
Publicly, DOJ insists this is all about “criminal aliens defrauding the naturalization process” and brags it’s pursuing the highest volume of denaturalization referrals in history under President Trump and Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche. Historically, denaturalization was rare and reserved for people who hid serious crimes or human rights abuses. Now the shopping list includes everyone from alleged national security risks to people who committed Medicaid fraud, because nothing says war crimes like billing the wrong medical code.
Context: about 800,000 people become citizens every year, and across Trump’s entire first term they filed only 102 denaturalization cases. Now they’re scaling up the machinery to make citizenship for immigrants a permanent probationary status. You thought naturalization meant you were American; Trump’s DOJ is here to clarify you’re actually just on a trial subscription, cancelable at any time by a government that’s suddenly very excited about its power to un-make citizens.
Source: nbcnews.com
trump turns the falklands into a loyalty punch card

Trump studies a globe, asks if the Falklands come with naming rights and a golf course option.
Source: theguardian.com
doj discovers investigation was only needed until tuesday

Jerome Powell contemplates the exciting new Fed mandate: full employment, stable prices, and not annoying the president.
Source: theguardian.com
epstein survivors keep talking, elites keep hiding the files

Survivor Lisa Phillips stands outside the Capitol demanding the Epstein files, while somewhere a very nervous collection of billionaires and ex-presidents prays those boxes stay sealed forever.
Source: theguardian.com
pope announces trump is not god, trump takes it personally

Artist’s impression of Donald Trump discovering that the pope has a boss who isn’t named Donald Trump.
Donald Trump has discovered, to his evident shock, that the pope does not actually report to the White House. Pope Leo XIV – also known as Bob from the south side of Chicago, lifelong White Sox fan and inconveniently admired American – has been publicly condemning Trump’s greatest hits: the Iran war, mass deportations, and the general policy of "bomb a whole civilization back to the Stone Age" as if that’s a normal thing for a president to say. Trump responded in the only way he knows how: insisting Leo was basically elected to flatter him, screeching that the pope is "WEAK on Crime", and whining that he doesn’t want a pope who criticizes the Dear Leader because he’s just doing what he was elected to do "IN A LANDSLIDE".
When moral authority refused to bend the knee, Trump went to work with the tools of state power. The administration yanked a federal grant from a Catholic charity in Miami that was ministering to immigrant children, helpfully underlining that this isn’t a culture war metaphor – it’s an actual government choosing cruelty to kids as a pressure tactic on the Church. Meanwhile, Trump’s white evangelical base and their Christian nationalist friends are still lighting prayer candles to Maga Jesus. At a White House prayer breakfast, Trump compared his reception to Jesus entering Jerusalem and bragged, "They call me king now," while Paula White-Cain, chair of the White House faith office and January 6 warm-up act, likened his indictments to the Passion of Christ. Separation of church and state has been replaced with a merger: the Church of Trump, fully tax-funded.
Trump briefly posted an AI image of himself in a white robe healing the sick, surrounded by angels, a devil, and a jet fighter – because why not throw in a little holy airstrike cosplay? – then tried to claim he was just a doctor, not Christ. Conservative writer Rod Dreher, who helped midwife this whole religious-political Frankenstein, now says Trump is channeling the "spirit of Antichrist" and calls him "batshit crazy", which is about as close as you get to a formal theological diagnosis on Truth Social. The upshot: the most despised American in the world is locked in a public tantrum against the most admired American in a white cassock, and the presidency is being used as a stage for a leader cult that demands religious fealty, punishes dissenters, and treats criticism from Rome like treason against the state.
Source: theguardian.com
make the lake great again (with your tax dollars)

Bison contemplate whether the Great Salt Lake or U.S. environmental policy will disappear first.
Donald Trump has discovered the Great Salt Lake, which is impressive for a man who once thought raking forests was sound wildfire policy. After years of Utah leaders shrugging at overuse and climate change while the lake evaporated into an "environmental nuclear bomb," they’ve now arrived at their favorite conservative solution: beg Washington for a $1 billion bailout while still cosplaying as rugged, small-government pioneers.
Trump, of course, is thrilled. On Truth Social he declared the lake an urgent “Environmental hazard” and closed with the legally required campaign slogan pun: “MAKE ‘THE LAKE’ GREAT AGAIN!” Because if there’s one thing a collapsing saline ecosystem needs, it’s a branding exercise. The supposed moonshot here is restoring a terminal salt lake — something no country has ever done — but the more familiar storyline is federal money sluicing toward a GOP state that helped create the problem, now rebranded as visionary stewardship because the president noticed a new backdrop for rallies.
Scientists like BYU ecologist Ben Abbott talk about a world-first rescue of a critical ecosystem; Trumpworld hears “massive construction contracts, endless ribbon cuttings, and naming rights opportunities.” Utah gets to keep draining rivers for development and agriculture while the feds pick up the tab, and Trump gets to pose as the savior of a lake his party’s environmental policies helped kill. It’s disaster capitalism, but with more brine shrimp.
Source: npr.org