The Trump Presidency Timeline
Documenting the chaos since day one. 1019 entries and counting.
anti immigration
trump's alligator alcatraz: a very *swampy* solution
Trump and his elite team of swamp enthusiasts gaze proudly at their razor-wire masterpiece. Alligators not pictured, but heavily implied.
Because nothing screams 'land of opportunity' quite like a pit stop at Florida's latest addition to the detention center family: Alligator Alcatraz. President Trump, accompanied by Gov. Ron DeSantis and Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, took a leisurely tour of this Everglades gem, complete with razor-wire chic and a runway ready for deportation flights. DeSantis assures us that the facility's 'security' is unparalleled—what with the natural moat of alligators and pythons at the ready.
In other words, the American dream now comes with a complimentary survival guide: run zigzag to dodge the gators, because why wouldn't a detention center double as a wildlife adventure park? Trump even offered some folksy wisdom on escape strategies, proving that really, he just wants everyone to succeed... at avoiding being lunch for the local wildlife. But sure, let's call this 'government efficiency' at its finest.
Source: npr.org
#anti-immigration#fascism
unconstitutional
trump's legal smackdown: 4-0
Trump announces his latest 'deal' with a law firm in the Oval Office—because nothing screams judicial competence like executive overreach.
In a truly unprecedented display of judicial unity, Trump's brilliant strategy of attacking elite law firms has hit a roadblock... again. Judge Loren AliKhan, the fourth judge to do so, has blocked Trump's genius executive order targeting the law firm Susman Godfrey. Apparently, taking a sledgehammer to the Constitution isn't a great look in court. Who knew?
Judge AliKhan deemed the executive order 'unconstitutional from beginning to end,' which, in other words, means Trump's batting a perfect zero. These orders, aimed at punishing firms like Susman for representing clients he doesn't like, were such a stellar idea that even judges appointed by Republican presidents are calling foul. But sure, let's pretend this campaign against Big Law is about anything other than petty revenge.
Source: npr.org
#unconstitutional#lawlessness
unconstitutional
supreme court bestows omnipotence upon executive branch
The Supreme Court: Now available for rubber-stamping executive overreach.
In a bold move that screams 'checks and balances are for suckers', the Supreme Court has decided that federal judges should take a back seat when it comes to enforcing the Constitution. By dramatically limiting universal injunctions, the Court has effectively told Trump—and any future president—that they can issue executive orders with impunity. Because nothing really says 'constitutional republic' like unchecked executive power, right? This decision leaves the door wide open for every American to bring their own lawsuit, because clearly the best way to handle a blatantly unconstitutional policy is to flood an already overwhelmed court system with thousands of individual cases. But sure, let's pretend this is an exercise in judicial restraint.
Source: npr.org
#unconstitutional#killing-democracy
killing democracy
trump's nato love affair: daddy issues and defense spending
President Trump and his new BFF, NATO's Mark 'daddy' Rutte, after a summit of mutual back-patting and defense spending pledges.
President Trump is back from his European tour de force at the NATO summit in the Netherlands, where he magically warmed up to the alliance after a decade of trash talk. In other words, Trump discovered a new love for NATO when Secretary-General Mark Rutte called him 'daddy' and NATO agreed to throw more money at defense spending, because nothing says ‘international diplomacy’ like a mid-life crisis.
The summit was perfectly tailored to Trump's whims, featuring the pièce de résistance of Usher's 'Hey Daddy' playing on loop—an apparent nod to the bromance between him and Rutte. But sure, it’s all about national security. Meanwhile, in the realm of U.S. foreign policy chaos, Trump’s tales of obliterating Iran's nuclear sites were undermined by leaked intelligence. Yet, the CIA released a statement backing Trump's exaggerations—a move as typical as a unicorn sighting. You know, just another day of killing democracy through spin and spectacle.
The summit was perfectly tailored to Trump's whims, featuring the pièce de résistance of Usher's 'Hey Daddy' playing on loop—an apparent nod to the bromance between him and Rutte. But sure, it’s all about national security. Meanwhile, in the realm of U.S. foreign policy chaos, Trump’s tales of obliterating Iran's nuclear sites were undermined by leaked intelligence. Yet, the CIA released a statement backing Trump's exaggerations—a move as typical as a unicorn sighting. You know, just another day of killing democracy through spin and spectacle.
Source: npr.org
#killing-democracy#imperialism
imperialism
nato summit: trump's military shopping spree
Trump explains how more spending will totally make NATO great again, while Rubio and Hegseth perfect their 'nod-and-smile' routine.
Ah, nothing like a NATO summit where Trump's flair for diplomacy shines through like a fireworks display in a gunpowder factory. The big takeaway? Let's crank military spending back to Cold War levels, because there's nothing quite as refreshing as reliving the good old days of mutually assured destruction.
European nations are now on a thrilling journey to funnel tens of billions into defense, all thanks to Trump's inspiring leadership and, of course, the looming threat of Russia. They’ll aim for a 3.5% GDP defense budget by 2035, because setting unrealistic goals is always more fun when the stakes are global security.
Spain and Slovakia aren't on board, but who cares about unity when there's a new arms race to fuel? Meanwhile, poor Canada and struggling European economies might need a few bake sales to hit these targets, but sure, let's build more tanks; that's definitely the answer to peace in our time.
European nations are now on a thrilling journey to funnel tens of billions into defense, all thanks to Trump's inspiring leadership and, of course, the looming threat of Russia. They’ll aim for a 3.5% GDP defense budget by 2035, because setting unrealistic goals is always more fun when the stakes are global security.
Spain and Slovakia aren't on board, but who cares about unity when there's a new arms race to fuel? Meanwhile, poor Canada and struggling European economies might need a few bake sales to hit these targets, but sure, let's build more tanks; that's definitely the answer to peace in our time.
Source: npr.org
#imperialism#national-security
anti immigration
florida's everglades gulag gets the green light
An aerial view of Florida's latest contribution to modern detention architecture: 'Alligator Alcatraz,' where freedom comes with a side of swamp.
Because nothing says humane immigration policy like opening a detention center in the middle of the Everglades, Florida is gleefully moving forward with its 'Alligator Alcatraz'—a migrant detention facility surrounded by swamps, alligators, and pythons. James Uthmeier proudly flaunts his plan, promising a 'low-cost' solution that, if nothing else, proves that Florida is committed to providing both warmth and wildlife for its newest temporary residents. In other words, escapees won't have to travel far to experience nature's untamed beauty—assuming they survive it. DeSantis, in his infinite wisdom, uses emergency powers to expedite this masterpiece of cruelty under the guise of efficiency, while DHS praises this 'partnership' for expanding bed space faster than you can say 'environmental catastrophe.' But sure, who cares about ecosystems or human rights when you've got a catchy nickname and a video on X, right?
Source: npr.org
#anti-immigration#killing-democracy
imperialism
trump's nato charm offensive: bring your own defense budget
President Trump arrives at NATO summit ready to redefine 'unity' with a side of tariffs and territorial jokes.
Ah, NATO: the alliance President Trump loves to hate. As he jets off to The Hague for a quick one-day summit, it seems like the only thing shorter than the meeting's agenda is the list of countries willing to up their defense spending to 5% GDP. Because nothing says 'unity' like drastically increasing military budgets that many member nations can’t afford.
Trump's fondness for criticizing NATO norms is no secret, especially Article 5's 'all for one' philosophy. The man who once mused about annexing Canada as the 51st state and joked about acquiring Greenland seems to think NATO's longstanding principles are more of a suggestion than a commitment.
The highlight of this whirlwind diplomatic jaunt? A glamorous dinner hosted by the Dutch king. But sure, showing up at all counts as a win—a low bar, but hey, we take what we can get in Trump's America.
Trump's fondness for criticizing NATO norms is no secret, especially Article 5's 'all for one' philosophy. The man who once mused about annexing Canada as the 51st state and joked about acquiring Greenland seems to think NATO's longstanding principles are more of a suggestion than a commitment.
The highlight of this whirlwind diplomatic jaunt? A glamorous dinner hosted by the Dutch king. But sure, showing up at all counts as a win—a low bar, but hey, we take what we can get in Trump's America.
Source: npr.org
#imperialism#national-security
anti science
trump's epa unveils climate rollback: who needs air anyway?
The Gen. James Gavin Power Plant, a shining example of why coal is Trump's idea of 'clean' energy. Good luck breathing in Cheshire, Ohio!
In a move that proves breathing is so overrated, Trump's EPA is set to repeal limits on greenhouse gas emissions from fossil fuel power plants. Because nothing says 'let's save the environment' like letting coal plants belch pollution with abandon. EPA Administrator Lee Zeldin assures us that this approach will somehow secure American 'energy dominance' while simultaneously respecting the environment. In other words, get ready for a future where smog is the new normal. But sure, let's pretend this is about economic growth and national security while ignoring public health and climate change. Truly a masterclass in full-stupid policy-making.
Source: npr.org
#killing-democracy#forever-grifting
killing democracy
federal jobs vanish in trump's magical workforce 'optimization'
When life gives you rain, walk it off... preferably away from the USDA.
In a stroke of genius rarely seen outside of dystopian novels, President Trump has managed to 'optimize' the federal workforce by shedding 59,000 jobs since January, according to the Labor Department. But wait, there's more! 75,000 federal workers gleefully accepted the administration's generous offer to resign with pay and benefits until September. Because nothing says 'Thank you for your service' like a severance and a pink slip. Meanwhile, the courts are doing what they can to stop this bloodletting, leaving thousands more employees in a delightful state of limbo. In other words, it's just another day in Trump's America, where the only thing more unstable than a federal job is the administration itself.
Source: npr.org
#killing-democracy#lawlessness
killing democracy
trump: shrinking minds, one budget cut at a time
Trump’s idea of 'improving education': a 15% funding drop and a pat on the back for states. Sound familiar?
In a move that can only be described as inspired, Trump's latest budget proposal calls for a 15% cut to the already struggling Education Department. Because nothing says 'America First' like gutting education while pretending to return power to the states—where, coincidentally, they have no money to educate anyone. In other words, Trump is trying to wrap a lead balloon in a flag and call it a victory for states' rights.
Despite the grandiose attempt to 'return education to the states,' the proposed $66.7 billion still suggests the department's shutdown might just take forever. But sure, let's pretend that cutting funding for teacher training, literacy, and at-risk students is just about being 'efficient' while not touching the real sacred cow: Title I funding. You have to admire the administration's commitment to making sure students in poverty continue receiving their now bare minimum assistance, all while slapping a 'flexibility' label on slashing other crucial programs to the bone.
But don't worry, folks, because Trump's proposal offers a 'special education funding increase'—that is, if you squint and read between the lines like it's a Magic Eye picture.
Source: npr.org
#killing-democracy#forever-grifting
imperialism
trump's 24-hour peace promise becomes infinite jest
Ukrainian rescuers performing their daily workout routine, courtesy of peace negotiations that never quite materialized.
Ah, the art of the deal, Trump-style: solving the Ukraine crisis in a day turned into a stunning display of diplomatic prowess that even the world's finest jesters couldn't top. Trump's bold plan to bring peace with a wave of his winning hands has, shockingly, hit a few bumps. Who could've predicted that complex geopolitical conflicts wouldn't bend to the reality TV script of 'deal-making'? In other words, Trump's version of 'walking away' might just boost Putin's morale, giving Russia a leg up in the war. But sure, disengaging from crucial talks and leaving Europeans to scramble for U.S. intelligence is a brilliant strategy. Meanwhile, the grim stats keep rolling in: 790,000 Russian and 400,000 Ukrainian casualties. But hey, who’s counting when there’s peace... promise to break?
Source: npr.org
#imperialism#killing-democracy
corruption
trump's drug war: rhetoric up, kingpins out
Trump promises to free Ross Ulbricht, the tech entrepreneur who turned 'Silk Road' into the Amazon of illegal drugs. Because nothing screams freedom like a dark web drug bazaar.
In a move that screams consistency, President Trump is simultaneously escalating his drug war rhetoric while pardoning drug kingpins left and right. How to make sense of such a strategy? Easy: don't. On one hand, Trump wants to bring back the death penalty for fentanyl dealers because they are getting off with a "slap on the wrist," and on the other hand, he's pardoning drug lords like Larry Hoover, a man with a résumé that reads like a gangster's greatest hits album. Because nothing says 'tough on crime' like setting free the guy who led one of the most violent drug syndicates in American history. But sure, let's call this strategy 'mixed signals' and 'chaos' as Jeffrey Singer of the Cato Institute politely puts it—because admitting it's an absolute farce would just be too honest.
Source: npr.org
#corruption#lawlessness
killing democracy
hegseth's innovative take on 'transparency': keep the press in the dark
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, perfecting his serious face as he signs away press freedoms. Who needs transparency when you've got hush-hush government escorts?
In a move that screams transparent governance, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, a former FOX News host because who better to understand journalistic integrity, has set new limits on press access at the Pentagon. It's all about 'protecting national security,' you see. Because nothing says 'we've got nothing to hide' like banning reporters from rooms they once roamed freely, across multiple administrations. Hegseth claims the restrictions are to prevent sensitive information leaks—ironically after twice sharing military secrets on his private phone via Signal. But sure, let's blame the press for risks to national security. Meanwhile, the Pentagon Press Association and the National Press Club are, shockingly, not buying this nonsense, calling it a direct attack on press freedom and a surefire way to tank public trust. Because nothing restores confidence like shutting out the folks tasked with telling the truth.
Source: npr.org
#killing-democracy#national-security#lawlessness
corruption
trump courts meme coin maestros at high-stakes steak night
Trump hosting his crypto fan club: Who knew ethics could be so profitable?
Ah, nothing like a classy dinner at a Trump golf club to reaffirm one's commitment to ethics and decorum in America's highest office. In a move that clearly screams 'conflict-of-interest-free zone', President Trump cozied up to the top 220 investors of his very own meme coin. Because if there's one thing the Trump presidency has been about, it's definitely not making money off of being president—right Karoline Leavitt?
Of course, these meme coin investors are all anonymous crypto wizards, known only by cryptic names like Sun and Meow, clearly the epitome of transparency. And who wouldn't want to share a table with Justin Sun, the crypto entrepreneur under SEC investigation? But sure, the White House assures us that Trump's assets are in a blind trust, because why would we ever doubt that?
Meanwhile, as crypto-friendly regulation efforts flounder under the weight of Trump's newfound love affair with digital coins, let's just all pretend this isn't another day in the life of Trump's America: Where Laws and Ethics Go to Die.
Source: npr.org
#corruption#crypto#forever-grifting
crypto
crypto meets cronyism: trump's meme coin dinner
Justin Sun, a proud investor in financial comedy, ready to dine in style with the meme coin maestro himself.
In yet another episode of Trump's greatest hits on ethical gymnastics, the former president has invited his top $TRUMP meme coin investors to a cozy dinner at his golf club. Because nothing screams transparent governance like wining and dining with those who help inflate your personal wealth by a modest $20 billion. Meme coins, for those not in the know, are essentially the crypto world’s equivalent of a Ponzi scheme, masquerading as investments with all the integrity of a used car salesman. Yet, who could resist the allure of a hastily launched coin by a man whose name is synonymous with financial precarity? Sure, let's call it a smart move, akin to betting your life savings on your Uncle Frank’s surefire horse tip.
With 80% of the $TRUMP tokens controlled by Trump-related entities, investors are essentially buying seats at a table where the only winner is already counting his billions. As the crypto market eagerly waits for the next plummet (or, as we like to call it, the Trump Bump), attendees prepare to enjoy their overpriced dinner, perhaps pondering if their crypto wealth will hold longer than a Trump University diploma.
With 80% of the $TRUMP tokens controlled by Trump-related entities, investors are essentially buying seats at a table where the only winner is already counting his billions. As the crypto market eagerly waits for the next plummet (or, as we like to call it, the Trump Bump), attendees prepare to enjoy their overpriced dinner, perhaps pondering if their crypto wealth will hold longer than a Trump University diploma.
Source: npr.org
#crypto#forever-grifting
trade war
trump's tariff treasure hunt for dummies
Ah, the glamorous life of a Customs and Border Protection technician—sifting through overseas parcels like a modern-day border guardian. Charles Rex Arbogast/AP
President Trump has launched an exciting new reality show: Tariff Treasure Hunt! With tariffs flying around like confetti at a party, you'd think collecting them would be a breeze. Spoiler alert: It's not. Federal agencies are drowning in paperwork while exporters are mastering the art of dodging taxes—because nothing says 'American ingenuity' like turning evasion into an Olympic sport. In other words, while tariffs are supposed to boost U.S. manufacturing and revenue, they're mostly just boosting headaches and bureaucracy. But sure, let's keep pretending this trade war makes any sense at all.
Source: npr.org
#trade-war#full-stupid
crypto
trump’s crypto circus: coins, chaos, and capitalism
Trump at Bitcoin 2024 conference: because who better to pump a meme coin than a guy who built a casino empire?
Oh, joy! The Trump administration is diving headfirst into the crypto ocean, because nothing spells financial stability like a market notorious for crashes and volatility. Coinbase is joining the S&P 500, and Trump's family is knee-deep in meme coins. What could possibly go wrong? With Trump’s SEC rewriting the rulebook to embrace the chaos, America is poised to lead the world—straight into the next financial meltdown. But sure, this is the revolution we’ve been waiting for. Main Street Americans, get ready to cash in your hard-earned dollars for some fresh, new crypto disasters. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to tell your grandkids how you helped fund the next 2008-style crash. But hey, at least Coinbase is having its moment in the spotlight!
Source: npr.org
#crypto#lawlessness#forever-grifting
forever grifting
trump's memecoin dinner: ethics are for losers
Trump dining with his crypto cronies: where ethics are the punchline.
In the latest episode of 'Trump's America,' former President Trump is hosting a dinner for the top 220 holders of his own memecoin. Because why build a statesman legacy when you can dine with crypto whales and pocket a cool $320 million in trading fees? The ethical minefield here is as vast as Trump's ego—an administration shaping crypto regulations while deeply mired in the crypto world itself. In other words, it's like letting the fox run the henhouse and then charge admission for the eggs.
Attendees, identified only by their crypto wallet addresses (how mysterious), have reportedly spent millions for a chance to wine and dine with the man himself. But sure, they're just 'investment opportunities' and not, you know, pay-for-play access to power. Meanwhile, Trump's World Liberty Financial ventures into stablecoins, because nothing says 'financial stability' like a currency tied to a reality TV star's whims. Let's just call this what it is: Trump's crypto circus ensuring the grift continues, one memecoin at a time.
Source: npr.org
#forever-grifting#crypto
corruption
trump's middle east diplomacy: confusing friends and delighting enemies
Trump's Middle East Tour: Confusing Allies, Winning Hearts in Unlikely Places
President Trump, ever the diplomatic virtuoso, has decided to lift sanctions on Syria, much to the delight of Damascus and the utter bewilderment of Israel. In his inimitable style, Trump praised Syria's new leader as a 'young, attractive guy,' because nothing screams geopolitical strategy like a presidential crush. Meanwhile, Israelis are left scratching their heads, wondering if their longtime ally has suddenly developed a penchant for making new friends in questionable places. In other words, who knew international relations could be this much fun?
Syria's President Ahmed al-Sharaa, riding the wave of newfound American love, declares his desire for peace with Israel—a sentiment that must have gone over great in Tel Aviv, where the previous administration was still labeled as, you know, terrorists. But sure, peace is just a stone's throw away, right after Israel wraps up those lingering airstrikes in Gaza. All in all, another day in the Middle East where Trump's foreign policy brilliance truly shines... depending on which way you're looking.
Syria's President Ahmed al-Sharaa, riding the wave of newfound American love, declares his desire for peace with Israel—a sentiment that must have gone over great in Tel Aviv, where the previous administration was still labeled as, you know, terrorists. But sure, peace is just a stone's throw away, right after Israel wraps up those lingering airstrikes in Gaza. All in all, another day in the Middle East where Trump's foreign policy brilliance truly shines... depending on which way you're looking.
Source: npr.org
#full-stupid
imperialism
trump's syrian strongman fantasy
Trump and Sharaa, two men destined to save Syria with charisma alone. What could possibly go wrong?
In a move worthy of a political thriller gone wrong, President Trump has decided to lift U.S. sanctions on Syria, all because Ahmed al-Sharaa, Syria's interim president, is apparently a 'young, attractive guy' and a 'tough guy'—the two essential qualities, of course, for stabilizing a war-torn nation. In other words, Syria's future rests on a personality contest. Trump, always the geopolitical strategist, believes Sharaa has a 'real shot' at pulling it together. No doubt, because nothing screams diplomatic success like betting on a 'former rebel fighter' with a 'strong past'. Meanwhile, actual reporters were barred from the meeting, but hey, who needs transparency when you have such an airtight plan for world peace? But sure, let's normalize relations with Israel and deter terrorism while we're at it, because why not pile on more unrealistic expectations?
Source: npr.org
#imperialism#killing-democracy#full-stupid