The Trump Presidency Timeline
Documenting the chaos since day one. 1019 entries and counting.
trade war
trump's trade war: the gift that keeps on giving
President Trump explains the virtues of never-ending tariff truce extensions, Washington, D.C., 2025.
In a shocking twist of fate, President Trump has graciously extended the tariff truce with China for another three months, because nothing says 'successful trade negotiations' like kicking the can down the road. This masterstroke of diplomacy sets the stage for what we're sure will be an epic summit with President Xi Jinping, where they'll likely agree to disagree on whether trade wars are 'easy to win.' Meanwhile, American consumers and importers are thrilled with the stability of paying a mere 30% in tariffs on Chinese goods, while Beijing reciprocates with a bargain 10%. It's like a Black Friday sale for tariffs—get 'em while they're hot! With Trump also threatening a 50% tariff on Indian exports because of Russia's oil, he's clearly playing trade policy like a 4D chess game. Or, you know, maybe just regular checkers.
Source: npr.org
#trade-war#full-stupid
anti immigration
weekend fishing trip lands dad in 'alligator alcatraz'
Protesters demand the closure of the detention center, because apparently 'Alligator Alcatraz' wasn't chilling enough.
In Trump's America, a fishing license isn't just for fishing—it's a ticket to the infamous 'Alligator Alcatraz.' A family jaunt in the Everglades turned dystopian when an innocent request for a fishing license spiraled into the father's detainment. Because nothing says 'family bonding' like banging Morse code through a jail wall. In other words, seizing undocumented immigrants during weekend getaways is what we're doing now. The wife, diabetic and nursing a baby, was released with an ankle monitor and a deportation order. But sure, let's keep pretending this is about law and order, not killing democracy.
Source: npr.org
#anti-immigration#killing-democracy
anti immigration
judge saves everglades from trump's gator gulag
In this episode of 'World's Worst Field Trips,' Trump, DeSantis, and Noem survey the caged glory of what they've lovingly dubbed 'Alligator Alcatraz.'
In exciting news for both environmentalists and common decency, a federal judge has temporarily halted construction at Florida's infamous 'Alligator Alcatraz'—an immigration detention center brought to you by the dream team of Trump, DeSantis, and Noem. Because nothing screams 'American values' like setting up caged tents for 5,000 detainees in a wetland preserve.
Environmental groups argue the rushed building violates federal laws, but Florida's lawyers say state projects are above such trivial concerns. Judge Kathleen Williams, however, doesn't buy it—shocking, I know. While the legal circus continues, the detention funhouse stays open for business. Pro-life at its finest!
Environmental groups argue the rushed building violates federal laws, but Florida's lawyers say state projects are above such trivial concerns. Judge Kathleen Williams, however, doesn't buy it—shocking, I know. While the legal circus continues, the detention funhouse stays open for business. Pro-life at its finest!
Source: npr.org
#anti-immigration#killing-democracy#imperialism
anti science
trump saves us from life-saving technology
RFK Jr. pondering which science to ignore next, while Trump's administration does its best to set public health back a few decades.
In a move that screams 'bold leadership,' the Trump administration has decided to cut $500 million in federal funding for mRNA vaccine research. Just when you thought pandemic preparedness was a no-brainer, Trump and his trusty sidekick, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., have swooped in to remind us that they know best—because nothing says 'safety' and 'protection' like abandoning the most effective vaccine technology of our time. Bold strategy, Cotton.
Let's not forget, this is the same administration that once celebrated the mRNA vaccine as a triumph. Now, apparently, it's troubled—kind of like a teenager who just realized their mom knows their favorite band. RFK Jr., the anti-vaccine zealot of our dreams, promises to replace mRNA with 'safer' alternatives, because what could be safer than ignoring science altogether? In other words, brace yourselves for vaccine reboots that belong in the same category as Hollywood's endless remakes: unnecessary and inevitably worse.
Let's not forget, this is the same administration that once celebrated the mRNA vaccine as a triumph. Now, apparently, it's troubled—kind of like a teenager who just realized their mom knows their favorite band. RFK Jr., the anti-vaccine zealot of our dreams, promises to replace mRNA with 'safer' alternatives, because what could be safer than ignoring science altogether? In other words, brace yourselves for vaccine reboots that belong in the same category as Hollywood's endless remakes: unnecessary and inevitably worse.
Source: npr.org
#anti-science#killing-democracy
anti science
rfk jr. gives middle finger to science
Moderna researcher wonders what dimension RFK Jr. is operating in.
In a move that would make any anti-vaxxer proud, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has decided to pull funding for mRNA vaccine research. Because if there's one thing we learned from the pandemic, it's that saving millions of lives with innovative vaccines is apparently just too mainstream. Let's just pretend mRNA technology wasn't instrumental in tackling COVID-19 and shrug off its potential against future viral threats, all in the name of 'better solutions' that surely exist somewhere in the realm of fantasy.
Public health experts are predictably horrified, labeling this decision as 'the most dangerous public health judgment' they've seen in decades—because who needs to prepare for the next pandemic when you can just wing it and hope for the best instead? But sure, let's listen to the Children's Health Defense, a group JFK Jr. founded, who seem to know more about public health than, you know, actual scientists. Good luck, America!
Public health experts are predictably horrified, labeling this decision as 'the most dangerous public health judgment' they've seen in decades—because who needs to prepare for the next pandemic when you can just wing it and hope for the best instead? But sure, let's listen to the Children's Health Defense, a group JFK Jr. founded, who seem to know more about public health than, you know, actual scientists. Good luck, America!
Source: npr.org
#anti-science#killing-democracy
anti science
rfk jr. saves us from vaccine progress
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.: Leading the charge in making public health decisions that have experts weeping into their lab coats.
In a brilliant move sure to make infectious diseases feel at home, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. proudly yanked $500 million in funding for mRNA vaccine development. Because nothing screams 'progress' like slamming the brakes on the very technology that helped slow down a global pandemic.
Kennedy, the Health and Human Services Secretary who seems to consider medical expertise an optional accessory, has decided that mRNA's track record of saving millions of lives isn't quite his style. Instead, he's courageously directing us back to 'safer' vaccine strategies—because who needs rapid response in the face of potential pandemics when you can just wait for millions more to suffer, right?
As science experts ring the alarm bells, Kennedy remains unfazed in his quest to sabotage his department's pandemic preparedness. But sure, let's pretend this is about 'safety' and not a long-standing grudge against vaccines.
Kennedy, the Health and Human Services Secretary who seems to consider medical expertise an optional accessory, has decided that mRNA's track record of saving millions of lives isn't quite his style. Instead, he's courageously directing us back to 'safer' vaccine strategies—because who needs rapid response in the face of potential pandemics when you can just wait for millions more to suffer, right?
As science experts ring the alarm bells, Kennedy remains unfazed in his quest to sabotage his department's pandemic preparedness. But sure, let's pretend this is about 'safety' and not a long-standing grudge against vaccines.
Source: npr.org
#anti-science#killing-democracy
anti science
epa: now proudly ignoring climate science
The EPA building in DC: where science goes to cry.
In a stunning display of environmental leadership, Trump's EPA has decided that greenhouse gases are just misunderstood friends of the atmosphere. By proposing to dismantle the endangerment finding, the EPA is making a bold attempt to redefine 'clean air.' Because nothing screams 'safety and welfare' like unchecked methane and carbon dioxide emissions.
EPA administrator Lee Zeldin announced this enlightened revelation at a car dealership, of all places, in Indiana—because, naturally, where else would you discuss the fate of the planet? The agency's plan to eliminate vehicle emission rules is a delightful addition to their suite of climate do-nothing policies, ensuring that America remains a leader in global warming contribution.
As the world grapples with record heat waves, floods, and wildfires, the Trump administration calmly asserts that emissions aren't really a threat. In other words, who needs reality when you have alternative facts?
Source: npr.org
#anti-science#killing-democracy#forever-grifting
killing democracy
trump's 12-day masterclass on diplomacy
Because peace deals are best served with a side of 12-day ultimatums and economic threats.
In a move that screams 'expert diplomacy', President Trump has decided to dramatically shorten the time he originally allocated for Russia to shake hands with Ukraine over a peace deal. Why wait the full 50 days when you can give Putin a cool 12-day deadline to just stop invading? After all, peace talks are just like a summer sale—limited time offers get results, right?
The Russian stock market took a little dip—because nothing says 'economic stability' like a wildcard ultimatum from Trump. Meanwhile, Ukraine's Zelenskyy is presumably restraining his eye-rolls long enough to thank Trump for his 'clear stance'. Because who wouldn't be grateful for a promise of weapons, paid for by someone else, while dangling the carrot of NATO membership that Ukraine already knows will never happen under this administration?
Moscow's response? A collective shrug mixed with a hint of 'sure, Jan.' Putin hasn't publicly reacted, leaving his minions to remind Trump that Russia doesn't care for ultimatums—especially not when they come from someone who's mixed up the art of the deal with Russian roulette.
Source: npr.org
#fascism#imperialism
anti immigration
alligator alcatraz: florida's new attraction for human rights abuses
Where Florida's 'sunshine state' motto meets solitary confinement chic.
Welcome to Florida's latest contribution to human rights tourism: Alligator Alcatraz, where Governor Ron DeSantis turns immigration enforcement into a reality show. The detainees, housed in a hastily constructed tent amid the charming Everglades wildlife, are treated to luxuries like substandard food, overflowing toilets, and exposure to Florida's delightful sunshine for hours on end. In other words, it's the full Everglades experience without the pesky freedom.
Florida officials, never ones to let facts ruin a good narrative, insist the facility is just shy of a five-star resort, as long as you're criminally inclined. And while the Florida Division of Emergency Management categorically denies any wrongdoing (because they always do), the rest of us are left wondering if the alligators have a better chance of getting asylum than the detainees themselves. But sure, this is all part of keeping America safe, right?
Florida officials, never ones to let facts ruin a good narrative, insist the facility is just shy of a five-star resort, as long as you're criminally inclined. And while the Florida Division of Emergency Management categorically denies any wrongdoing (because they always do), the rest of us are left wondering if the alligators have a better chance of getting asylum than the detainees themselves. But sure, this is all part of keeping America safe, right?
Source: npr.org
#anti-immigration#fascism
anti science
kennedy's anti-vax fever dream
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. bravely paves the way for a world where vaccines are just a distant memory.
In a dazzling display of anti-science wizardry, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has decided that fewer Americans deserve vaccines. Because who needs a healthcare system that's proactive when you can just wait until you're really sick, right? The administration, known for its unwavering commitment to 'truth', has axed COVID vaccines for healthy under-65s and pregnant women, presumably because nothing says 'pro-life' like cutting healthcare for expectant mothers.
RFK Jr. even took a personal approach to dismantling expert opinion by firing the entire CDC vaccine advisory committee and filling it with folks who are apparently experts in something—just not vaccines. But sure, let's keep pretending that these moves will 'restore trust' in vaccines, while insiders like Dr. Yvonne Maldonado scream into the void about the dismissal of science and the rise of 'data' that seems to have been pulled straight from ~thin air~. After all, trust isn't built on facts; it's built on... whatever this is.
Source: npr.org
#anti-science#pro-life#healthcare
anti science
greenhouse gases: now safe and sound according to trump's epa
Just another day at the EPA, where greenhouse gases are apparently just misunderstood friends of the environment.
In a brilliant stroke of scientific acumen, Trump's EPA has decided that greenhouse gases don't endanger human health. Because nothing says 'we care' like rolling back the very regulations that aim to keep the planet habitable. In other words, the Trump administration has decided that 'hottest year on record' and 'climate-fueled wildfires' are just part of the American dream. Lee Zeldin, the EPA Administrator, celebrated this move as a 'great day of deregulation,' as if clean air and climate stability were just nuisances in the way of economic prosperity. The administration seems hell-bent on dismantling any remaining threads of climate policy, all while the planet warms faster than a tweetstorm from Trump himself. But sure, let's just pretend the science is optional.
Source: npr.org
#anti-science#killing-democracy
unconstitutional
another trump attempt at constitutional gymnastics fails
Trump discussing AI while his understanding of the Constitution remains in beta testing.
In a shocking turn of events, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has decided to uphold the Constitution, effectively blocking Trump's latest executive order aimed at ending birthright citizenship. Because nothing says 'presidential legacy' like repeatedly trying to rewrite the 14th Amendment with a Sharpie. The decision acts as a gentle reminder to the administration that yes, the 14th Amendment is still a thing, and no, executive orders can't just make inconvenient parts of it disappear.
But sure, let's pretend for a moment Trump's constitutional reinterpretation was more about legal innovation than political gain. The ruling didn't sit well with Judge Patrick Bumatay—Trump's court appointee—who dissented with a flair of skepticism, arguing that states shouldn't wield universal injunctions willy-nilly. Meanwhile, the rest of the panel pointed out this pesky thing called 'complete relief' as a reason the nation's courts just can't ignore the chaos that would ensue from a half-baked approach to citizenship.
But sure, let's pretend for a moment Trump's constitutional reinterpretation was more about legal innovation than political gain. The ruling didn't sit well with Judge Patrick Bumatay—Trump's court appointee—who dissented with a flair of skepticism, arguing that states shouldn't wield universal injunctions willy-nilly. Meanwhile, the rest of the panel pointed out this pesky thing called 'complete relief' as a reason the nation's courts just can't ignore the chaos that would ensue from a half-baked approach to citizenship.
Source: npr.org
#unconstitutional#killing-democracy
fascism
trump's ai: making america clueless again
Trump proudly displays his executive order—because nothing says 'future-ready tech policy' like a signed piece of paper.
In a dazzling display of prioritizing national interests, Trump has signed an executive order demanding AI companies ditch any 'ideological agendas'—because nothing screams neutrality like policing artificial intelligence for diversity, equity, and inclusion. Let's be clear: the real existential threat here is that these AI models might suggest that climate change is, you know, real. Meanwhile, tech companies are left scrambling to create 'anti-woke' chatbots to curry favor with an administration that seemingly prefers its AI as oblivious as its policies. In other words, AI's new job is to ensure reliable ignorance at the federal level.
Source: npr.org
#fascism#anti-science
fascism
four horsemen of peace talks to meet
Russian servicemen celebrate their return, blissfully unaware they'll soon star in a global political comedy of errors.
Because nothing says 'world peace' like a room filled with Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Ukraine has proposed this surreal summer summit in a last-ditch attempt to end the ongoing war. The real question: who brings the popcorn?
In other words, expect more fireworks than the 4th of July. Trump, seizing the opportunity for a literal and figurative stage, has already rattled his economic saber with threats against Moscow—apparently forgetting his love affair with Putin. Meanwhile, Erdogan's role as the host is just the cherry on top of this geopolitical circus. But sure, peace is definitely on the horizon.
Source: npr.org
#fascism#killing-democracy#imperialism
full stupid
trump's foreign policy: a masterclass in chaos
Trump pondering his next 'big win' in foreign policy, while the world collectively holds its breath.
Six months into the sequel of the Trump administration, and foreign policy looks like a bizarre episode of The Apprentice set on the global stage. Trump's strategy, if you can call it that, is a heady mix of unorthodoxy and aggressive deal-making. Or rather, a lack thereof. Despite his promises to end foreign entanglements, the man of the hour has been busy dropping bunker-busting bombs on Iranian nuclear facilities—because nothing says peace like starting another potential conflict.
And let's not forget the Ukrainian melodrama, where Trump promised to end the war in 24 hours, only to throw a tantrum when Putin didn't play nice. Now, he's orchestrating a weapon-buying spree with NATO, presumably to fund his next 'great' business venture. Yet, Trump assures us he's on 'humanity's side,' making us wonder if he's ever met humanity. In true Trump fashion, it's not about the deals but the big announcements, and the only thing more mercurial than his approach is his definition of success. But sure, let's call this chaos 'foreign policy'.
And let's not forget the Ukrainian melodrama, where Trump promised to end the war in 24 hours, only to throw a tantrum when Putin didn't play nice. Now, he's orchestrating a weapon-buying spree with NATO, presumably to fund his next 'great' business venture. Yet, Trump assures us he's on 'humanity's side,' making us wonder if he's ever met humanity. In true Trump fashion, it's not about the deals but the big announcements, and the only thing more mercurial than his approach is his definition of success. But sure, let's call this chaos 'foreign policy'.
Source: npr.org
#full-stupid#imperialism
anti science
trump shows science the door
The EPA building, a perfect symbol of Trump's commitment to ignoring science and facts.
In a bold and innovative move to protect the environment, the Trump administration has decided to shut down the EPA's Office of Research and Development. Because nothing says 'we care about your health' like dismantling the very arm that analyzes toxic chemicals and climate change. Lee Zeldin, the EPA Administrator, assures us that this 'reduction in force' will actually improve the EPA's mission. In other words, closing the scientific research arm is apparently the best way to prioritize science. But sure, let's just hope the new 'Office of Applied Science and Environmental Solutions' isn't code for 'Office of Alternative Facts'.
Source: npr.org
#anti-science#killing-democracy
retribution
because who needs an education department anyway?
Nothing like a good 'ol fashioned dismantling of education to make *America Great Again*
In a thrilling display of fiscal responsibility, the Supreme Court has given its blessing to Trump's plan to effectively gut the Department of Education. Because why bother with pesky things like financial aid, civil rights, and support for students with disabilities? Those are just overrated, am I right? Anyway, the department, previously boasting 4,000 employees, is about to be trimmed down like a reality TV contestant. The Office for Federal Student Aid and Civil Rights—totally superfluous—are looking at particularly deep cuts. But sure, who needs oversight and equity when you've got unfettered local control? The great public school system of yesteryear that Ronald Reagan dreamt of is just a few thousand layoffs away from being resurrected. Hooray for progress!
Source: npr.org
#retribution#killing-democracy#anti-science
trade war
trump's tariff tango: stop, start, then panic
In April 2025, Trump proudly displays his *tariff bingo board*, ready to call out the next lucky country.
Ah, Trump's tariff saga continues, because nothing says stable economic policy like yo-yoing import tax threats. The Trump Tariff Two-Step now boasts a 10% baseline on almost all imports, with special VIP pricing for China at a whopping 30%. And just when you thought it couldn't get any more unpredictable, Trump decided to push the deadline for his punitive tariffs to Aug 1, sowing delightful uncertainty. In other words, it's a great time to be in the business of, well, not knowing what's going to hit you next. Meanwhile, U.S. consumers and businesses are politely enjoying their quadrupled tariff costs, proving once again that winning a trade war means losing your shirt, but sure, making trade great again!
Source: npr.org
#trade-war#full-stupid
anti immigration
trump's immigration raids: the american dreamcatcher
An ICE agent bravely apprehends a 'criminal' landscaper—because nothing says 'national security' like stopping someone from trimming hedges.
Because nothing screams 'Make America Great Again' like ICE agents in tactical gear rounding up street vendors and landscapers. In a move that surely aligns with targeting 'violent criminals', Trump's immigration crackdown is busy sweeping up hardworking undocumented residents, like Narciso Barranco, a landscaper just trying to keep those IHOP bushes in check. His son, a Marine Corps veteran, watched in shock as unidentifiable masked men took his father down. But sure, threatening the nation's culinary landscaping with a Weedwacker deserves a SWAT team response.
In other words, Trump's administration continues to blur the lines between 'serious offenders' and 'guy trying to earn a living', as they raid Home Depots and agricultural fields with gusto. Stephen Miller's wet dream of 3,000 apprehensions a day might just be in reach, especially if they keep targeting those nefarious flower stand operators. Meanwhile, families are left searching for loved ones, and transparency, much like the Trump administration's grip on reality, is nowhere to be found.
Source: npr.org
#anti-immigration#lawlessness
anti immigration
trump's splashy florida detention swamp
Trump posing with his new allies: the Everglades alligators.
President Trump has finally found the perfect spot for his latest architectural masterpiece: a detention facility charmingly named 'Alligator Alcatraz.' Because nothing says 'humane treatment of migrants' quite like housing them in a giant reptilian-infested marsh. In this modern-day amphibian paradise, 3,000 migrants can enjoy the company of alligators, pythons, and mosquitoes before their VIP deportation.
In other words, it's the ultimate metaphor for Trump's immigration policy: big, brash, and environmentally disastrous. To celebrate, Trump flew on Air Force One with Florida's very own eco-warrior, Governor Ron DeSantis, who apparently skipped the chapter on environmental impact laws. Together, they unveiled their latest 'screw the law' plan to deputize National Guard troops as immigration judges, ensuring swift deportations. Who needs legal precedent when you have gators on your side?
In other words, it's the ultimate metaphor for Trump's immigration policy: big, brash, and environmentally disastrous. To celebrate, Trump flew on Air Force One with Florida's very own eco-warrior, Governor Ron DeSantis, who apparently skipped the chapter on environmental impact laws. Together, they unveiled their latest 'screw the law' plan to deputize National Guard troops as immigration judges, ensuring swift deportations. Who needs legal precedent when you have gators on your side?
Source: npr.org
#anti-immigration#fascism