The Trump Presidency Timeline
Documenting the chaos since day one. 3271 entries and counting.
majority of americans notice raging dumpster fire, remain unconvinced it’s fine actually

Trump preparing for the State of the Union by practicing his favorite line: “Checks and balances are for losers.”
Source: theguardian.com
stephen miller, assistant deputy undersecretary of fountains and fascism

Anti-ICE protesters in Minneapolis, shortly before the administration decided the First Amendment is optional if Stephen Miller disapproves of your existence.
Source: nbcnews.com
u.s. women’s hockey pulls a hard pass on trump’s state of the union

U.S. women’s hockey team celebrates gold, moments before collectively deciding they’ve suffered enough and don’t need to attend the State of the Union too.
USA Hockey put out a very nice statement saying the gold medal–winning women are "sincerely grateful" for the invitation but, tragically, have prior commitments like school, jobs, and presumably not sitting through a campaign rally disguised as a constitutional ritual. They were "honored" and "grateful"—the diplomatic phrasing athletes now use when they mean "absolutely not, but thanks."
The White House, shockingly, had nothing to say. The men's team might still show up, but the women—fresh off beating Canada for gold—have already demonstrated superior defense, successfully blocking Trump from using them as patriotic set dressing for another primetime grievance monologue. Stick-handling his ego may be the toughest sport of all, and they wisely declined to compete.
Source: nbcnews.com
trump solves child separation by jailing the parents too

CoreCivic’s latest family-friendly attraction: come for the asylum claim, stay for the measles outbreak and indefinite detention.
The Trump administration heard the public outcry over ripping kids from their parents at the border and, in a bold new innovation in cruelty, decided the fix was to just lock them up together. Welcome back to Dilley, Texas, a family detention center so humane it features a measles outbreak, reports of no clean drinking water, and a five-year-old asylum seeker in a Spider-Man backpack becoming the country’s newest symbol of state-sponsored child abuse. Since Trump returned to office, the daily number of kids in ICE detention has jumped sixfold, because nothing says "family values" like expanding the baby prison sector.
Local organizers and faith groups are literally standing outside the fence screaming so the kids inside know they’re not forgotten, while CoreCivic – the private prison company cashing the checks – assures us that everything is fine and the health and safety of detainees is their "top priority." Fun fact: their top priority also appears on the NYSE. ICE, naturally, declined to comment, presumably too busy planning how to spend the $38bn DHS wants to blow on buying warehouses and converting them into even more detention centers. Why invest in schools when you can build climate-controlled trauma factories?
Meanwhile, a growing national coalition is pointing out that all of this horror is perfectly legal because Congress hasn’t bothered to outlaw jailing entire families. Advocates call it what it is – "state-sponsored child abuse" – while public opinion finally starts to notice that maybe ICE has "gone too far" when it’s arresting kindergartners in bunny hats. A few states like New Mexico and Illinois are trying to slam the door on ICE detention and private lockups, and local developers are backing out of detention deals under public pressure. The administration’s response so far: double down on the warehouse gulag strategy and hope Americans get bored of watching children beg for "libertad" from behind barbed wire.
Source: theguardian.com
aileen cannon, chief archivist of the trump crime files

Judge Aileen Cannon, bravely protecting America from the grave threat of knowing what Donald Trump did with the classified files in his ballroom bathroom.
U.S. District Judge Aileen Cannon — the Mar-a-Lago HOA’s favorite federal employee — has now formally declared that the American public is not allowed to see what former Special Counsel Jack Smith dug up about Donald Trump hoarding classified documents in his country club bathroom. Cannon blocked the release of Smith’s report, arguing it can’t leave the Justice Department because, according to her, Smith’s appointment was unlawful and the AG’s internal deliberations are just too delicate for democracy.
Recall that Cannon already tossed the entire classified documents case in 2024 by deciding that the special counsel role suddenly violated the Constitution once it inconvenienced the guy who gave her the robe. An appeals court had previously smacked her down for “improperly” grabbing jurisdiction in the Mar-a-Lago search, but she’s back at it, now using a protective order to keep discovery materials — and the report built on them — locked away from both the public and Congress. Transparency is for losers; Trump gets judicial non-disclosure agreements.
Smith told lawmakers in a closed-door session that his team had “powerful evidence” Trump willfully kept highly classified documents after leaving office, stashing them among the golf tees and wedding centerpieces, and then repeatedly tried to obstruct justice when the FBI came calling. So naturally, Cannon ruled that it’s “not customary” to release a report with all that evidence after a case is dismissed — a dismissal she engineered by declaring the prosecutor himself illegitimate. It’s a neat little circle: Trump gets his judge, the judge kills the case, then uses the dead body as proof that no autopsy is allowed.
For extra protection, Cannon had already barred DOJ from even sending the report to select members of Congress in January 2025, just as Trump was sliding back into the Oval Office. The result: a sitting president accused of willfully retaining classified documents and obstructing justice, shielded from public scrutiny by a judge whose opinions are “extraordinarily deferential” to him. Checks and balances have been replaced by one simple standard: if it hurts Trump, it’s unconstitutional.
Source: nbcnews.com
trump fires the cop, the cop runs for congress

David Sundberg, seen here applying for a new job after Trump decided the FBI should only employ people who think the rule of law is optional.
Trump’s second-term FBI purge is apparently the gift that keeps on giving. David Sundberg, the former head of the FBI’s Washington field office who was dumped just days after Trump retook office, is now running for Congress in Maryland. His alleged crime? Doing his job and not letting MAGA politics rewrite federal investigations like they’re Truth Social posts.
Sundberg’s platform is basically: remember the Constitution? He says he was forced out for refusing to let politics corrupt justice, and now he’s running because he believes in the rule of law, not the rule of one man. Bold concept in 2026. He’s also calling out the White House for weaponizing the DOJ to go after Trump’s enemies list — James Comey, Letitia James, John Bolton — while using the National Guard as a domestic intimidation squad. You know, the kind of stuff we used to point at in other countries and call authoritarian.
This is the guy who ran the Jan. 6 investigation, the pipe bomb probe, counterterrorism, SWAT, hostage rescue — basically the sort of résumé you’d want in government if you weren’t trying to turn it into a personal protection racket for Donald J. Trump. Now he’s trying to get into Congress to make it a co-equal branch of government again, which is a polite way of saying: maybe the legislature should stop acting like Trump’s HOA board and start acting like it read Article I.
Meanwhile, the race to replace Steny Hoyer features a retiring party leader’s chosen successor, a former Capitol Police officer who faced the mob Trump unleashed, and now the FBI official Trump fired after he investigated that same mob. The 5th District ballot is starting to look less like a primary and more like a support group for people who’ve personally experienced what happens when you let an aspiring autocrat treat federal power like a family business.
Source: nbcnews.com
fbi director now available for beer league celebrations

US captain Auston Matthews, seen here wondering if accepting a free ride on Air Obstruction of Justice with the FBI director on beer detail is really worth missing NHL practice.
Source: theguardian.com
california prepares to rip trump’s head off, metaphor strictly optional

Adam Schiff, moments before promising that the California grizzly will handle what the Justice Department apparently won’t.
Adam Schiff helpfully updated the state flag’s grizzly bear into an explicit warning label, promising that when you poke the bear, it “rips your fucking head off” – which, given Trump’s habit of sending troops into Los Angeles and turning ICE into his personal goon squad, sounds less like rhetoric and more like a public safety announcement. California Democrats spent the weekend bragging about Proposition 50, their redistricting counterstrike to GOP gerrymandering in Texas, while casting the state as both blueprint and barricade against an administration that treats the Constitution like a suggestion and blue states like enemy territory.
In the resistance talent show, Gavin Newsom’s all-caps trolling has made him the would-be presidential frontrunner of the “I learned to tweet from Trump, but for good” school, while Adam Schiff and Robert Garcia work the accountability angle by digging into Trump-world corruption and the Epstein files. The whole scene is a reminder that when a president turns federal power into a retribution machine and sends troops into cities he doesn’t like, you don’t just get policy debates – you get a state-sized opposition party openly talking about a reckoning. Trump calls California a liberal hellscape; California seems increasingly interested in returning the favor, with subpoenas.
Source: theguardian.com
trump, epstein, and the life-support-system-for-a-vagina presidency

Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump, pioneers of the "human beings as luxury goods" economic model, now starring as Exhibit A in why you don’t let billionaires and presidents write their own rules.
Source: theguardian.com
trump wonders why iran won’t just ‘capitulate’ already

An F-35C prepares to launch from the USS Abraham Lincoln, bravely defending America from the terrifying threat of insufficient leverage in Trump’s next photo-op nuclear deal.
Source: theguardian.com
trump’s trade war speedruns every bad law from the 60s and 70s

Trump stares sadly at the lectern where someone forgot to write "Tariffs are a tax on you, not China" in 72-point font.
Existing trade deals? Treaties? Negotiated 10% rates for countries like the UK and Australia? All now stuck in a Schrödinger’s agreement where the White House claims it will "continue to honour" legally binding deals while also saying everyone gets the new global tariff. Section 122 requires non-discriminatory tariffs, so partners like the EU and Japan are right back where they started: paying more and getting less, courtesy of the Art of the Deal.
Meanwhile, businesses are staring at a 15% tariff sledgehammer that could add £2–3bn in costs just for UK exports, with sectors from chemicals to food and textiles suddenly repricing everything overnight. Consumers get the usual Trump-era bonus prize: higher prices and more inflation. Oh, and thanks to the Supreme Court ruling that last year’s "reciprocal" tariffs were unlawful, there’s roughly $130bn in potential refunds hanging in the air while hundreds of firms lawyer up to get their cut. Economists are already noting that the administration can try to dodge those payouts by slapping on fresh, legally different tariffs instead – a sort of perpetual-motion grift machine powered by lawsuits and lobbying.
As a finishing touch, Trump still has Section 232 "national security" tariffs in his back pocket, with Commerce already investigating everything from semiconductors to aircraft. So businesses don’t just have one chaotic tariff regime; they have a whole choose-your-own-adventure of overlapping, arbitrary levies. The message from Washington is clear: the rule of law is optional, but the bill for this trade cosplay will be very, very real.
Source: bbc.com
another quiet weekend at america’s most corrupt country club

Secret Service agents stand guard at Mar-a-Lago, the only presidential residence where you can dodge bullets, ethics rules, and a dress code all in the same afternoon.
Trump, the star attraction of this security nightmare theme park, was at the White House at the time, meaning once again the only people truly in danger at Mar-a-Lago were the taxpayers footing the bill for militarized protection of a golf resort that also sells wedding packages. The man’s identity hasn’t been released yet, but the larger plot is familiar: the United States continues to underwrite a fortified luxury compound where the line between "official residence" and "pay-to-play members-only club" is about as secure as the perimeter apparently was.
So the public gets the cost, the danger, and the constitutional headaches, while Mar-a-Lago gets the prestige of being both a soft target and a soft coup against the idea that public office shouldn’t double as a hospitality brand. Truly, a five-star review for the ongoing experiment in government-by-country-club.
Source: theguardian.com
america to world: good luck out there lol

Global order, as curated by Donald Trump: a world map broken into puzzle pieces and then kicked under the couch.
European leaders, suddenly realizing the arsonist is also the former fire chief, are scrambling. Germany’s Friedrich Merz warns that the rules-based international order is being "destroyed" and that America’s leadership is "perhaps already lost", which is a polite diplomatic way of saying: the guy with the nuclear codes thinks NATO is a gym membership he can cancel. Macron, Starmer and friends are now talking about building up "hard power" and preparing to fight, because nothing says "trusted ally" like having to rearm in case your security guarantor has a tantrum.
The fantasy fix is a "third path": a new liberal, multilateral order that somehow stands up to both Trump’s America and China. Experts like Jorge Castañeda politely label this as "not viable", which translates to: nobody has the money, cohesion, or courage to decouple from Washington’s whims. Instead, the world is drifting into a chaotic marketplace of ad-hoc deals, flimsy coalitions, and hedging strategies – a kind of diplomatic gig economy where everyone’s main foreign policy objective is surviving the next American mood swing. Looming over it all: the prospect of a US that’s not just unreliable, but openly aggressive, weaponizing every tool it built after 1945 and then smashing the toolbox for good measure.
So the grand legacy of Trump’s foreign policy appears to be this: after decades of imperfect but functional global governance, the planet now gets a vibes-based security architecture held together with press conferences, side deals, and the hope that the world’s loudest reality TV star doesn’t wake up tomorrow and decide Article 5 is "for losers".
Source: theguardian.com
president demands netflix fire democrat or 'face consequences', democracy shrugs

Trump, fresh off promising to stay out of the Netflix–Warner Bros deal, explaining how he’ll totally stay out of it unless they fire the Democrat he’s mad at this week.
Having literally promised a few weeks ago to stay out of the Netflix–Paramount Skydance fight over WBD, Trump has of course done the opposite, using his platform to blast Rice as a "political hack" with "no talent or skills" while amplifying Laura Loomer calling Netflix and Rice "anti-American" for the crime of saying that companies who enable Trumpism might one day be held accountable. So the president is now threatening a private corporation’s governance decisions in the middle of a massive merger review because he doesn’t like a Democrat on the board. Regulatory independence? Antitrust integrity? Adorable concepts from a bygone republic.
While Larry Ellison waves around a $40bn personal guarantee like a Bond villain with a cloud-computing hobby, Trump is busy turning federal approval of a $108bn media deal into his own loyalty test. If Netflix keeps Rice, it risks "consequences" from the same government that decides whether it gets to own Warner Bros, HBO, and about half the streaming market. If it caves, it proves that corporate America understands the new rules: cross Dear Leader and your business model gets it. Who needs authoritarian state TV when you can just threaten the platforms until they staff their boards to your liking?
Source: theguardian.com
trump fires the cdc, accidentally creates a resistance cdc

Abby Tighe, former CDC staffer, current member of the underground railroad for facts.
Source: theguardian.com
trump discovers you can rig democracy without bothering to steal ballots

Behold: the House of Representatives, where the real contest isn’t elections, it’s who can draw the most creatively rigged squiggles on a map.
Instead of elections, we now have a national cartography contest where politicians use precision software to carve the country into safe little fiefdoms, then call it representation. Experts say just 18 of 435 House races are true toss-ups, and even if you generously add the “lean” races, fewer than 10% of seats are actually in play. The rest will be decided in low-turnout primaries dominated by the most extreme partisans, producing what one analyst calls the least accountable Congress of our lifetimes. So no, your vote in November probably doesn’t matter much—but Trump’s mid-decade map-tweaking sure did.
Source: npr.org
project 2025: the fascist fanfic now running the country

Trump, wearing the world’s loudest hat, explains he’s never heard of Project 2025 while accidentally implementing chapter 7 on live TV.
Source: bbc.com
trump wants his own arch of triumph, veterans sue to keep arlington from becoming mar-a-mausoleum

Memorial Circle, currently a solemn historic vista, shown here before the proposed addition of a 250-foot presidential ego obelisk in arch form.
The suit names Trump, senior White House officials, and the National Park Service, accusing them of steamrolling multiple federal laws: the Commemorative Works Act (you’re supposed to get Congress’ approval before erecting mega-monuments on federal land), the National Environmental Policy Act, and the National Historic Preservation Act. Translation: you can’t just wake up, point at Memorial Circle, and say "build my arch there" because you saw something cool in Paris once. Meanwhile, the White House is out here insisting this will "enhance the visitor experience" and "give the greatest Nation on earth America the glory it deserves"—which is a very long way of saying Trump wants a giant patriotic selfie frame next to Arlington National Cemetery.
No one at the White House or NPS bothered to respond to NPR, presumably because they were busy measuring how tall a monument has to be for Trump to see it from his motorcade. This legal fight also comes on the heels of another lawsuit over Trump’s plan to replace the White House East Wing with a privately funded ballroom, because apparently every historic site in Washington now has to audition as a backdrop for his next fundraiser. The 250th anniversary of American independence was supposed to be about democracy and shared sacrifice; under Trump, it’s turning into a multi-year experiment in how far one man’s ego can stretch federal law, historic preservation rules, and basic decency before something finally snaps.
Source: npr.org
cia tradecraft now includes loyalty oaths

The CIA, seen here carefully separating intelligence analysis from politics by handing the red pen to Devin Nunes and Reince Priebus.
The CIA has announced it will retract or heavily edit 19 intelligence reports after a review by the President’s Intelligence Advisory Board — a body now stacked with Trump loyalists like Devin Nunes, Reince Priebus, Brad Wenstrup, and Katie Miller (yes, the Stephen Miller one). CIA Director and Trump appointee John Ratcliffe swears this is all about protecting the agency from bias, which is a bold claim from a crew that treats objective reality like a hostile foreign power.
The offending reports? Analyses on white supremacist women being radicalized, global contraceptive shortages harming economic development, and LGBT activists under pressure in the Middle East and North Africa. So the Trump-era standard for "tradecraft" appears to be: if it makes right-wing culture warriors uncomfortable, it clearly fails the analytic rigor test. The agency insists this purge is just about meeting "the President’s expectations" that the workforce remain independent of any agenda — by obeying his agenda.
Sen. Mark Warner politely called this what it is: politicization of intelligence. Sen. Tom Cotton, meanwhile, applauded the move, accusing Obama and Biden of mixing politics and intelligence, while cheering on a board of hyperpartisan Trump picks literally rewriting the historical record. The intelligence community is supposedly being rescued from bias by the same people who think climate change is a hoax and that the deep state lives under their bed. What could possibly go wrong when national security analysis is run through a MAGA vibes-check?
Source: nbcnews.com
trump discovers infrastructure when dc is literally full of crap

The Potomac River, bravely attempting to dilute both raw sewage and four weeks of federal negligence.
Fema’s now allowed to show up and do the thing the administration could have greenlit a month ago, while Trump jumps on Truth Social to demand that DC mayor Muriel Bowser and Democratic governors Wes Moore and Abigail Spanberger “must act, IMMEDIATELY.” The minor complication: as Maryland officials helpfully pointed out, the broken pipe is owned and operated by DC Water but regulated by the US EPA and located on National Park Service land. So yes, the same federal government Trump runs, the one that “can fix” the issue, has been sitting on its hands while the nation’s capital marinates in a historic poop tsunami.
Local officials declared emergencies, issued health warnings, and begged for action as E. coli levels spiked and people were told not to touch the river. The Trump White House response was to blame everyone else, deny responsibility, then finally sign the paperwork and call it an “ecological disaster” like he just discovered the concept of infrastructure. America’s 250th birthday celebration is on track to feature fireworks, parades, and a river that’s basically a national monument to neglected public works. Truly, a fitting tribute to this administration’s governing philosophy.
Source: theguardian.com