The Trump Presidency Timeline

Donald Trump, noted fan of police brutality, child separation, and chanting crowds demanding journalists be jailed, has suddenly discovered a deep concern for peaceful protesters — in Iran. On Truth Social, he warned that if Tehran "shots" and kills demonstrators, the US is "locked and loaded and ready to go," because nothing says "defending democracy" like threatening another round of Middle East chaos from your phone.

This comes after Trump already ordered strikes on Iran's nuclear sites in June, which US officials insist set back Tehran’s nuclear ambitions, while Iran responded by lobbing missiles at a major US base in Qatar. In other words, the region is already one misstep away from full-blown disaster, and Trump’s answer is to dangle another intervention like a reality show cliffhanger. Iran’s Ali Larijani warned that US interference would "destabilise the entire region" and destroy American interests — a bold statement given that Trump has been doing a stellar job of that all by himself.

Inside Iran, protesters are being shot and killed over economic collapse and rage at the clerical regime, while Trump tries to position himself as their would-be savior with zero plan, zero details, and maximum bluster. He’s not outlining sanctions, asylum, or diplomacy — just vibes and war talk. So the man who tear-gassed protesters in Lafayette Square is now threatening to bomb another country’s government for attacking its own citizens. America First apparently now means "foreign authoritarian crackdowns are bad, domestic ones are just good crowd control."

Trump’s Department of Commerce has graciously decided not to nuke Italian pasta from orbit, walking back threatened tariffs of up to 92% on Barilla, La Molisana, Garofalo and friends to a mere 2%-14%. In other words, after promising to almost double the price of your spaghetti in the name of economic nationalism, they’ve now generously agreed to only jack it up a bit—on top of the existing 15% tariff Trump already slapped on most EU goods. Because nothing says “stable trade policy” like swinging a wrecking ball and then bragging you only shattered half the building.

The administration claims this climbdown reflects Italy’s “constructive willingness to co-operate,” which is a polite diplomatic way of saying “we stared down a completely made-up crisis Trump manufactured and tried to minimize the damage.” Thirteen companies that account for 16% of Italian pasta imports were told their livelihoods could face a “fatal blow” so Trump could cosplay as Tariff Man again, then partially spared when someone at Commerce apparently discovered basic math and the existence of American grocery shoppers.

The pasta reprieve comes right after the White House also delayed huge tariff hikes on furniture, kitchen cabinets and vanities, all while insisting it is engaged in “productive negotiations” with trade partners. Sure. If by “productive” you mean: threaten to torch supply chains, freak out businesses and consumers, then dial it back and declare victory. It’s less a trade strategy and more a hostage situation where your lasagna, your couch, and your bathroom vanity keep getting tied to the railroad tracks for the sake of Trump’s next “tough on foreigners” soundbite.

Donald Trump has suddenly rediscovered "fiscal sanity", and—what an incredible coincidence—it showed up just in time to veto a bill finishing a Colorado water pipeline backed by people who aren’t exactly in his fan club. The White House claims this is about protecting taxpayers, which is adorable coming from the guy who turned the national debt into his own personal beanstalk while shoveling tax cuts at billionaires and defense contractors like Halloween candy.

Critics, meanwhile, are pointing out the obvious: this looks a lot less like sober budgeting and a lot more like petty political retribution dressed up in an accountant’s visor. In other words, if you cross Trump, even basic infrastructure like drinking water becomes a hostage in his never-ending revenge tour. Because nothing says responsible governance like weaponizing water access to settle political scores—but sure, let’s call it fiscal prudence and not what it is: targeted punishment with a line-item veto.

Congress let enhanced Obamacare subsidies expire, so millions of Americans are starting 2026 with the fun surprise of massive premium hikes — because nothing says "pro-family values" like turning health insurance into a luxury product. After engineering the longest government shutdown in U.S. history over this fight, Republicans still couldn't manage to pass anything, and now a bipartisan group of senators is frantically trying to duct-tape together a deal to resurrect the subsidies before the health care markets fully implode.

The catch: according to Sen. Peter Welch, this is only "doable" if Donald Trump deigns to bless it, since he effectively owns the Republican majorities in both chambers. In other words, the health coverage of millions now depends on whether Trump feels like being "Health Care President" for a news cycle instead of "Let It Burn President." Meanwhile, premiums are jumping from $900 to $3,200 a month for people like a Vermont farmer Welch cites, and rural hospitals are staring down a revenue cliff — but sure, let's keep pretending this is about fiscal responsibility and not about using human misery as a bargaining chip.

Over in the House, a handful of Republicans dared to sign a discharge petition with Democrats to force a vote on a three-year extension of the subsidies, openly defying Speaker Mike Johnson and the Trumpist wrecking crew. One of them, Rep. Brian Fitzpatrick, admits he doesn’t even like the bill but understands that maybe letting constituents go bankrupt from medical bills is politically suboptimal. So the current governing model is: Congress breaks the system, Trump refuses to lead, a few Republicans try not to look like cartoon villains, and millions of Americans get to play "Will I Still Have Health Insurance?" as their new annual tradition.

Donald Trump, 79, has announced that his health is perfect because he takes more aspirin than his doctors recommend and refuses to stop, which is definitely how medicine works and not how you get a brochure on internal bleeding. He cheerfully explains that the mega-dose makes him bruise easily, his doctors told him to cut back, and he said no because he’s “a little superstitious” — in other words, US health policy is now being run on the same logic as a lucky casino tie.

Trump helpfully walks the Wall Street Journal through his medical theory: he doesn’t want “thick blood pouring through my heart,” he wants “nice, thin blood pouring through my heart. Does that make sense?” Yes, if your primary care provider is a 1997 Men’s Health article and a Fox & Friends segment. Meanwhile, staff are reportedly begging him to slow down, keep his eyes open in public events, and wear compression socks for leg swelling — which he tried and then ditched because he “didn’t like them,” a bold stance from the man who also finds democracy, briefings, and reality “boring.”

The White House, never missing a chance to weaponize tech and vibes, produced an AI-generated summary of Trump’s electrocardiogram to declare his “cardiac age” is 65, because nothing says “transparent government” like replacing an actual medical report with ChatGPT: Cardiology Edition. His Navy doctor obligingly calls him in “exceptional health” and “perfectly suited” for the job, which is the same language we usually see right before a 3 a.m. rage post about dishwashers and windmills.

Trump now complains that getting an advanced cardiovascular imaging scan was a mistake because it gave critics “ammunition” by suggesting something might be wrong — not with his heart, of course, but with the narrative. The overriding concern isn’t whether the president is healthy; it’s whether anyone notices he might not be. But sure, the real problem here is the aspirin dosage, not the fact that the most powerful man in the world treats medical advice, public scrutiny, and basic aging the same way he treats subpoenas: something to ignore until it becomes a headline.

Donald Trump rang in 2026 at Mar-a-Lago by doing what he does best: turning religion, public office, and foreign policy into a live infomercial for himself. At his $1,450-a-ticket New Year’s Eve bash, Trump played auctioneer for a freshly painted portrait of Jesus that sold for $2.75m, because nothing says humble carpenter from Nazareth like a multimillion-dollar impulse buy at the president’s private club.

The painting, done onstage in minutes while a band crooned Hallelujah, was hyped by Trump as the work of “one of the greatest artists anywhere in the world” – which, in Trump-speak, is what he usually says right before someone ends up with a federal subpoena or a cameo on Newsmax. Half the proceeds, he announced, would go to St Jude’s children’s hospital and half to the local sheriff’s department, because if you’re going to launder your image through charity, you might as well cut in law enforcement too. “These people are loaded with cash, just so you know,” he told the room full of donors, in case anyone forgot they were supposed to be both worshipping Jesus and opening their wallets.

The guest list was a who’s-who of the American decline cinematic universe: Rudy Giuliani, still haunting public life; Homeland Security secretary Kristi Noem; Benjamin Netanyahu and his wife; Emirati billionaire Hussain Sajwani; Brett Ratner, currently filming an Amazon documentary about Melania for those who felt the Trump era deserved a director’s cut; House Republican Tom Emmer; and DC attorney general Jeanine Pirro, proving once again that in Trump’s America, the justice system is just another banquet table. While Trump wished for “peace on Earth”, reporters asked about a reported CIA-directed strike on a dock in Venezuela, because nothing pairs with a soft-focus Jesus auction quite like covert military action in Latin America.

Earlier in the day, Trump spent his time presidentially calling Colorado governor Jared Polis a “scumbag”, labeling George Clooney “mediocre”, and insisting Democrats are a “bunch of cheaters and thieves”, all while bragging that his tariffs had produced a “World Record on investments”. He also fixated on Minnesota governor Tim Walz and alleged social services fraud, proclaiming that “they stole $18 billion” and promising to “get to the bottom of all of it.” In other words: accuse everyone else of scams, then go back to your private club, sell a Jesus painting for millions to your rich friends, and call it charity and patriotism. Other than that, we’re going to have a great New Year.

The Trump administration rang in the new year by telling transgender federal workers and their families to pick between their jobs and their health. The Office of Personnel Management announced that all federal employee and USPS health plans will no longer cover what it calls “chemical and surgical modification of an individual’s sex traits” – or, as every major medical association refers to it, medically necessary gender-affirming care. Because nothing says “small government” like micromanaging your kid’s puberty blockers from the White House.

The Human Rights Campaign has filed an EEOC complaint on behalf of affected federal employees, arguing that ripping gender-affirming care out of health coverage is sex-based discrimination and an obvious attempt to drive trans people and anyone who loves them out of the federal workforce. One postal worker with a daughter diagnosed with gender dysphoria now gets to watch Trump’s OPM reach into his family’s medical decisions and hit “deny claim” – all while still demanding he deliver everyone else’s mail on time.

This isn’t a one-off; it’s part of a coordinated crusade. The Department of Health and Human Services, under Robert F. Kennedy Jr – who has decided he’s a medical expert now – is pushing rules to block gender-affirming care for minors nationwide, even threatening hospitals with loss of Medicare and Medicaid funds if they treat trans kids. In other words, the administration is using the full weight of the federal government to override doctors, parents, and every major medical association in the country, all to score culture-war points by literally targeting children’s healthcare. But sure, tell us again how this is about “protecting kids” and “freedom.”

ICE is rolling out a $100m ‘wartime recruitment’ media blitz because nothing says ‘totally normal democracy’ like the federal government targeting the MAGA-verse with Call of Duty–style ads for real-life deportation squads. The agency is geofencing military bases, Nascar races, gun shows, and college campuses to find people whose dream job is "deport illegals with your absolute boys" — an actual ICE ad line, not a rejected Proud Boys slogan.

All of this is made possible by Trump’s big, beautiful HR 1, which shovels $45bn into cages and another $32bn into enforcement and manpower, so ICE can hire roughly 14,000 new agents and brag that arrests will “explode” in 2026. They’re dangling up to $50,000 signing bonuses and $60,000 in student loan payoff to fill the ranks, while a record 68,440 people sit in detention — the vast majority with no criminal conviction — and the administration grumbles that only about 300,000 people have been deported so far, well short of their dream of a tidy, round million removals in year one.

To sell this, ICE is slapping Uncle Sam, George Washington, and Lady Liberty onto recruitment ads that paint immigrants as ‘criminals and predators,’ and then farming out the message to fitness and ‘tactical lifestyle’ influencers for at least $8m, because why just have fash aesthetics when you can literally sponsor them? Marketing experts politely note that the campaign is aimed at people “with something to prove” who want power “under the guise of patriotism” — in other words, exactly the personality type you’d pick if your goal was maximum abuse potential with a flag on top. But sure, tell me again how this is about ‘guarding the homeland’ and not building a taxpayer-funded, ultra-jacked deportation militia.

Congress dropped the 255-page Jack Smith transcript on New Year’s Eve, because nothing says "fresh start" like a meticulous record of how the sitting president allegedly committed crimes and then just canceled the prosecutions by winning the Electoral College again. Smith calmly walks through how his team found proof beyond a reasonable doubt that Trump tried to overturn the 2020 election and hoarded highly classified documents at his country club — including in a ballroom and a bathroom, because when you think "national security," you obviously think "next to the guest towels."

Smith also notes that Trump "repeatedly tried to obstruct justice" and that there was enough evidence to charge him in both cases. So what happened? Trump got re-elected, took back control of the Justice Department, and his people helpfully made the criminal cases "go away" — not because he was innocent, but because he was in charge. In other words, the rule of law got replaced with the rule of "who’s holding the nuclear codes this week." Smith and his staff were then fired, because nothing screams "totally exonerated" like purging everyone who investigated you.

Now, from the safety of his restored throne, Trump is demanding investigations into the officials who charged him, and Smith openly says he has "no doubt" Trump wants retribution against him and that DOJ now wants payback on anyone who worked the Trump cases. House Republicans, led by Jim Jordan, are doing their part by hauling Smith in for an eight-hour deposition, just to make sure every future prosecutor in America understands the new precedent: if you follow the evidence to the president, enjoy the unemployment line and maybe an investigation. But sure, tell us again how this is all about "law and order."