The Trump Presidency Timeline
Documenting the chaos since day one. 2127 entries and counting.
imperialism
trump's cannabis reform: a joint venture for capitalism
Trump: Turning cannabis reform into a business high, not a social justice win.
Trump has taken a massive hit from the reality bong and is very strongly considering rescheduling cannabis from Schedule I to III, because nothing screams progress like putting weed in the same category as codeine. In other words, welcome to Trump's America where cannabis is totally okay as long as the billion-dollar industry can grab some tax breaks and investors can swim in green cash, not green leaves.
But don't put away those protest signs just yet. While cannabis stocks are getting high, the criminal justice system remains a sticky situation—people are still locked up for trafficking while Trump's cronies puff away on profits. Remember, rescheduling isn't decriminalizing. The 'war on drugs' may be getting a facelift, but it's still business as usual abroad, where Trump is ready to bomb anyone who dares drop a dime bag near U.S. borders. Hyper-commercialization at home, imperialism abroad—it's the Trump way.
But don't put away those protest signs just yet. While cannabis stocks are getting high, the criminal justice system remains a sticky situation—people are still locked up for trafficking while Trump's cronies puff away on profits. Remember, rescheduling isn't decriminalizing. The 'war on drugs' may be getting a facelift, but it's still business as usual abroad, where Trump is ready to bomb anyone who dares drop a dime bag near U.S. borders. Hyper-commercialization at home, imperialism abroad—it's the Trump way.
Source: theguardian.com
#imperialism#forever-grifting
killing democracy
justice department redefines 'justice' for students
Harmeet Dhillon, now leading the charge in redefining 'civil rights', because who needs experience when you have ideology?
In a bold reinterpretation of 'civil rights', the Trump administration's Justice Department has turned its focus away from trivial matters like protecting students from abuse and discrimination, and toward the far more pressing issue of defending white people against imagined bias. Harmeet Dhillon, the new leader of the civil rights division, is apparently ensuring that only the 'right' civil liberties are defended. The mass exodus of career staffers from the educational opportunities section—a group that once dealt with the real-world impacts of racial discrimination and seclusion—seems like a novel approach to department efficiency. After all, when there are no lawyers left to investigate abuses, it certainly cuts down on government overhead. In other words, under Trump's justifiably 'efficient' leadership, the best way to handle civil rights violations is to simply stop investigating them. But sure, let's call this a re-prioritization.
Source: theguardian.com
#killing-democracy#fascism
racism
smiling through the chaos: mamdani's grin tested
Zohran Mamdani: Smiling in the face of chaos, because why let the absurdity get you down?
Arwa Mahdawi embarked on a month-long scientific exploration, attempting to mimic Zohran Mamdani’s unflappable grin—because nothing says 'serious journalism' like a quest for the perfect perma-smile. After all, what better way to combat racism and political vitriol than with a smile that makes your enemies wonder if you’ve got a secret stash of happy pills? But sure, let’s call it an act of resistance, in a world where being brown and smiling is apparently subversive.
In her brave experiment, Mahdawi discovered that constant grinning might keep your heart rate in check, even if it results in cheek cramps and photos that scream 'I’m smiling because I have to.' So, while Mamdani continues to smile his way through baseless citizenship investigations and ridiculous labels, Mahdawi will return to her usual expression—presumably one of bemused disbelief at the state of the world.
In her brave experiment, Mahdawi discovered that constant grinning might keep your heart rate in check, even if it results in cheek cramps and photos that scream 'I’m smiling because I have to.' So, while Mamdani continues to smile his way through baseless citizenship investigations and ridiculous labels, Mahdawi will return to her usual expression—presumably one of bemused disbelief at the state of the world.
Source: theguardian.com
#racism
full stupid
the grinch who sold christmas
Trump explains the virtues of austerity while dressed as Santa's least favorite elf.
In the latest episode of The Trump Show, the former president took to rural Pennsylvania to deliver what can only be described as a 'Christmas speech' if the criteria is 'mention Christmas once and then bludgeon the crowd with delusions.' Trump boasted that under his presidency, 'everybody's saying merry Christmas' again, because nothing says festive cheer like a billionaire instructing struggling families to buy fewer toys. Yes, folks, 37 pencils are apparently a luxury—consider this your lesson in fiscal responsibility from a man with a crypto wallet the size of Mount Everest.
But sure, let's talk affordability: Trump rambled about stock market gains as if most Americans even have a stock portfolio to cry into. He then veered off into his usual routine—attacking Ilhan Omar, ridiculing windmills, and calling Joe Biden a 'son of a bitch.' Because nothing says Merry Christmas like a touch of xenophobia and misogyny. Even the MAGA faithful are starting to look for the exit, as evidenced by Miami voters flipping the script on Trump-endorsed candidates and Indiana Republicans rejecting his redistricting bullying. Looks like Trump won’t be stealing Christmas; Christmas might just steal what little he has left.
But sure, let's talk affordability: Trump rambled about stock market gains as if most Americans even have a stock portfolio to cry into. He then veered off into his usual routine—attacking Ilhan Omar, ridiculing windmills, and calling Joe Biden a 'son of a bitch.' Because nothing says Merry Christmas like a touch of xenophobia and misogyny. Even the MAGA faithful are starting to look for the exit, as evidenced by Miami voters flipping the script on Trump-endorsed candidates and Indiana Republicans rejecting his redistricting bullying. Looks like Trump won’t be stealing Christmas; Christmas might just steal what little he has left.
Source: theguardian.com
#full-stupid#forever-grifting
anti immigration
republicans rediscover compassion, just kidding
Nothing screams 'land of the free' like stranding a refugee child in a foreign land. Thanks, Trump!
Republicans are delighting us all with their newfound division over Afghan immigration policy, sparked by the 'oh-so-unexpected' shooting incident involving an Afghan national and a National Guard member. In other words, a tragic event has finally turned into the latest political football for the GOP. While Senator Thom Tillis cautions against a "knee-jerk reaction," Trump is busy keeping his promise to "launch the largest deportation effort in American history." Because nothing says 'American values' like deporting those who risked their lives for our troops. Meanwhile, Senator Susan Collins is fretting over Afghan interpreters and cooks, suggesting that maybe we should actually consider vetting them properly—an idea apparently lost in the Biden bashing. But sure, let's keep up the great work of splitting the party while keeping our immigration 'policy' as clear as mud.
Source: npr.org
#anti-immigration#killing-democracy
leopards ate my face
maga's civil war: trump's legacy crumbling?
Trump's cabinet: where future successors gather to plot their inevitable betrayals and reality TV show spinoffs.
Ah, the MAGA movement—once a unified bastion of undying loyalty to its Supreme Leader, now facing a delightful existential crisis. President Trump has peered into his glittering cabinet room and declared that his successor is 'probably sitting at this table'. But don't worry, it's totally not going to be him, despite the chants of 'four more years' echoing through his rallies—because nothing screams 'democratic values' like clinging to power against constitutional limits. In a plot twist that could rival a soap opera, this MAGA fairytale is showing cracks, with infighting and defections reminiscent of a high school drama club. Marjorie Taylor Greene has already bolted, accusing Trump of losing touch with reality—because who would have seen that coming? JD Vance, the Silicon Valley libertarians' darling, and Marco Rubio, Trump's Secretary of State, are already jockeying for position, promising a spectacle as entertaining as a circus fire. The best part? Trump's very own movement might be the reason his legacy turns to ash. What a time to be alive!
Source: bbc.com
#leopards-ate-my-face#killing-democracy
trade war
ford's electric dreams hit a trump-sized roadblock
Ford waves goodbye to electric dreams, thank Trump.
Ford is taking a measly $19.5 billion hit as it bravely retreats from the realm of electric vehicles, thanks to the Trump administration's genius policies. Because nothing says 'forward-thinking' like kneecapping EV demand and loosening tailpipe emissions rules. In other words, Ford is pulling the plug on models like the F-150 Lightning to embrace hybrids and gas guzzlers once again—because, evidently, the future is in the rearview mirror.
And let's not forget the poetic slaughter of Ford's next-gen EV lineup, with the T3 truck and electric commercial vans biting the dust. But don't worry, Ford plans to pivot towards more 'affordable' EVs by 2027. Who knew backpedaling could be this lucrative, right? Ford's new strategy? Invest in higher-returning areas—like the crumbling gas-powered future Trump seems hell-bent on resurrecting. Bravo, democracy, you've outdone yourself this time.
Source: theguardian.com
#trade-war#killing-democracy
fascism
european le pen pals: austerity chic
Marine Le Pen and AfD: Europe's new champions of selective social justice—or, you know, the usual suspects.
As Europe braces for a 'decisive' transformation, the Democrats are still in shock therapy after the Trump comeback—because who needs strategy when you have disbelief? Meanwhile, the EU's solution to its existential crises? Austerity, of course! In other words, let's cut pensions and public services so the working class can really feel the love.
With Marine Le Pen and Germany’s AfD leading in the polls thanks to their 'welfare chauvinism' tactics—essentially, promising welfare only to 'the right' kind of citizens—mainstream parties are scratching their heads. But sure, don't tax the rich or invest in public goods. That might actually help people. Instead, let's shower the less well-off with budget cuts and call it empowerment!
With Marine Le Pen and Germany’s AfD leading in the polls thanks to their 'welfare chauvinism' tactics—essentially, promising welfare only to 'the right' kind of citizens—mainstream parties are scratching their heads. But sure, don't tax the rich or invest in public goods. That might actually help people. Instead, let's shower the less well-off with budget cuts and call it empowerment!
Source: theguardian.com
#fascism
forever grifting
trump's touching tribute: rob reiner had tds
Rob Reiner speaks at an event, blissfully unaware that his future eulogy would be penned by the prolific wordsmith, Donald Trump.
In a heartwarming display of class and empathy, Trump took to Truth Social to express his condolences for the late Rob Reiner by diagnosing him posthumously with Trump Derangement Syndrome. Because nothing spells out a 'Golden Age of America' like dragging a grieving family through the mud. Reiner, a vocal critic of Trump, was described as having a 'raging obsession,' which, in other words, means he dared to disagree with the infallible leader of the free world. Even Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump's former ally, found the remarks distasteful, but sure, let's make it about TDS.
Source: npr.org
#forever-grifting#killing-democracy
unconstitutional
supreme court's tiktok ban: because censorship is patriotic now
Supreme Court Justices seen contemplating their next move in the never-ending game of 'Who Needs the First Amendment Anyway?'
Ah, the US Supreme Court, always finding new ways to dazzle us with their breathtaking commitment to freedom of speech—by unanimously upholding a TikTok ban straight out of a fascist playbook. Apparently, nothing screams 'national security' like nuking a social media platform because some lawmakers got their knickers in a twist over videos of Gaza airstrikes. Let's all pretend that banning a foreign media app is not something usually done by repressive regimes.
But sure, let's give the government
But sure, let's give the government
Source: theguardian.com
#unconstitutional#killing-democracy
imperialism
trump brings back gunboat diplomacy, because why not?
Trump's version of foreign policy: When in doubt, send in the fleet.
In a move that would make Theodore Roosevelt proud, Donald Trump is reviving the art of gunboat diplomacy in Venezuela. With a military ensemble large enough to make a Broadway show jealous, Trump has decided that the best way to stem the flow of drugs is to deploy an aircraft carrier, destroyers, cruisers, and a special forces support ship to the Caribbean Sea. Because nothing says 'stop drugs' like a full-fledged naval invasion, right? Meanwhile, Pam Bondi is playing the role of the administration's PR wizard, claiming the seizure of an oil tanker is somehow linked to 'illicit oil shipping networks' and foreign terrorists. Sure, Pam, whatever you say. In other words, Trump's handling of Venezuela is about as clear as mud, but hey, who needs clarity when you have military might and a penchant for drama? As for Congress and the OAS, they're left scrambling to figure out how to reel in this 21st-century imperialist spectacle before it spirals into a full South American quagmire. But let's be real, who needs peace and diplomacy when you can just wave some big guns around?
Source: theguardian.com
#imperialism#national-security
imperialism
another day, another deadly misadventure in syria
Syria's new president: redefining 'progress' one ISIS surprise at a time.
Ah, Syria, where the new president who once flirted with Al-Qaeda now extends heartfelt condolences to President Trump over a deadly attack on U.S. forces. Because nothing says 'fresh leadership' like a surprise visit from ISIS at your doorstep. In other words, the Middle East remains as stable as a Jenga tower in an earthquake.
Meanwhile, Trump, ever the man of few coherent words, has threatened 'serious consequences' without, of course, bothering with details. After all, why spoil the suspense when dealing with international crises? And just like clockwork, American troops are still playing whack-a-mole with ISIS and protecting oil installations because, priorities!
In a land where dictators and foreign interventions are as common as kebabs, Syria's president is trying to reassert control over a nation that seems to have not gotten the memo about moving on from decades of conflict. But sure, a few more arrests ought to do the trick.
Meanwhile, Trump, ever the man of few coherent words, has threatened 'serious consequences' without, of course, bothering with details. After all, why spoil the suspense when dealing with international crises? And just like clockwork, American troops are still playing whack-a-mole with ISIS and protecting oil installations because, priorities!
In a land where dictators and foreign interventions are as common as kebabs, Syria's president is trying to reassert control over a nation that seems to have not gotten the memo about moving on from decades of conflict. But sure, a few more arrests ought to do the trick.
Source: npr.org
#imperialism#national-security
killing democracy
trump turns kennedy center into mar-a-lago of the arts
The Kennedy Center: Now with 100% more Trump and 100% less bipartisanship.
Because nothing says 'cultural enrichment' like Donald Trump and Richard Grenell dismantling a cornerstone of American arts. The Kennedy Center, once a bipartisan beacon, is now a hollow mausoleum for Trumpian ego. Who needs high-minded ideals when you can have a portrait of Trump and Melania glaring from the walls? Eradicating 'woke' programming seems to be their top priority—because Stravinsky and Mozart are clearly threats to national security.
Ticket sales have plummeted, audiences are avoiding the venue like the plague, and entire productions are fleeing to anywhere they won't be suffocated by political toxicity. But sure, claim victory with fundraising wins from curious places like the Kazakh government. Nothing screams 'American arts' like foreign influence and a FIFA 'peace prize' for Trump—because why not?
And let's not forget the gala of lifetime achievements, now a Trump vanity project. Renaming it the Trump-Kennedy Center? Why stop there? Maybe replace JFK’s stirring words with 'Make America Great Again'. The arts have never been more alive—if by 'alive' you mean 'staged in alternative venues to escape this absurdity.'
Source: theguardian.com
#killing-democracy#imperialism
anti immigration
trump's grand finale: the citizenship encore nobody asked for
Just a heartwarming snapshot of the American Dream slipping further out of reach, courtesy of the Trump administration.
In what can only be described as the perfect celebration of the holiday spirit, the Trump administration has decided to cancel citizenship ceremonies for immigrants from 19 'undesirable' countries. Because nothing says 'peace on earth' quite like snatching away the American Dream from those who have already endured a bureaucratic jungle gym. Sanam, an Iranian immigrant, was all set to take her oath, but the administration had other plans—namely, leaving her life in a perpetual state of limbo. But sure, let's pretend this is all about 'national security' and not about fulfilling xenophobic fantasies. Mario Bruzzone from the New York Immigration Coalition rightly points out that this move is more about creating indefinite bans under the guise of temporary pauses. Meanwhile, poor Jorge from Venezuela is left wondering why he can't enjoy the same 'great' America he was so close to joining. But hey, nothing screams 'American values' like crushing hopes and dreams during the happiest time of the year, right?
Source: bbc.com
#anti-immigration#fascism#racism
imperialism
envoy peace talks: how to lose an invasion in 10 days
Zelenskyy records a video, presumably to say, 'Welcome to the latest episode of 'Why Diplomacy Is Hard,' starring Jared Kushner.'
Because nothing screams effective diplomacy like sending Trump's real estate guru, Steve Witkoff, and his favorite son-in-law, Jared Kushner, to Berlin to solve a war that experts have been grappling with for years. Zelenskyy's hopeful address suggests we're on the brink of a peace deal—pushed by Trump with the same enthusiasm he once reserved for hotel openings. Meanwhile, Putin's demands would make Santa's naughty list look reasonable, and the real sticking point is, surprise, surprise—who controls the Donetsk region. In other words, the negotiations are as smooth as a sandpaper handshake.
Source: npr.org
#imperialism#national-security
forever grifting
trump's paper-thin peace deals unraveling like cheap toilet paper
Trump, who apparently thinks peace can be brokered with FIFA awards and photo ops, at the FIFA World Cup 2026 Official Draw. Because nothing says 'peace in our time' like soccer.
Donald Trump, the self-proclaimed peace whisperer, is once again patting himself on the back for a series of 'peace deals' that are, well, unraveling faster than you can say 'Nobel Peace Prize'. From the oh-so-stable agreements between Thailand and Cambodia to the 'glorious triumph' in Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo, Trump proves that nothing says long-lasting peace like a photo op and some empty promises. As former U.S. ambassador Ivo Daalder puts it, resolving deeply rooted conflicts requires more than just signing a piece of paper in Washington—who knew? But sure, let's applaud the man for his groundbreaking 'ceasefires', which are basically just pauses in the chaos waiting to explode again. Bravo, Mr. Trump, bravo.
Source: npr.org
#forever-grifting#killing-democracy
lawlessness
military personnel fear trump's boat strikes will sink them legally
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth listens to Trump at Marine Corps Base Quantico, contemplating if he can swim out of this legal quagmire.
Ah, the Trump administration—where relentless chaos meets dubious legality. U.S. service members are scrambling for legal advice as they fear ending up the fall guys for the administration's latest escapade: sinking supposed drug boats in the Caribbean and Eastern Pacific. In other words, because nothing says 'protect and serve' like potentially unlawful pirate-style warfare and leaving your own soldiers to clean up the legal mess. As Trump flexes his Article II powers (read: imagines he's a sea captain in an action movie), service members are left pondering if they'll be the ones walking the plank—into a courtroom.
Source: npr.org
#lawlessness#national-security
anti immigration
trump's merry band of immigration enforcers
Because nothing screams 'welcome to America' like transforming naturalization ceremonies into a relic of the past. Photo: Eric Gay/AP
Ah, the Trump administration—where transforming U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services into an anti-immigration fortress makes perfect sense. Because nothing says 'land of the free' quite like turning the agency that helps immigrants into the latest arm of Big Brother. Joseph Edlow, the new USCIS director, boldly declared the agency's core is now immigration enforcement. In other words, if you're hoping to become an American, you might want to start working on your Plan B. This brilliant strategy includes slashing programs for legal migration and hiring 'homeland defenders' ready to catch fraud—which, in Trump’s America, might just mean anyone who isn't waving a MAGA flag. Welcome to the new USCIS, where dreams come to die.
Source: npr.org
#anti-immigration#fascism#lawlessness
corruption
trump's international narco-pardon extravaganza
Farmers in Honduras, clearly *thrilled* by Trump's pardon, take to the streets to express their gratitude in the most sarcastic way possible.
In a bold move to ensure international chaos, President Donald Trump has pardoned former Honduran President Juan Orlando Hernández, a convicted cocaine trafficker. Honduras, ever the spoilsport, has requested Hernández's arrest, citing minor inconveniences like fraud and money laundering charges. Because nothing says 'I'm tough on crime' quite like releasing a key player in a global drug trade. In other words, Trump has managed to redefine 'law and order' in ways we never thought possible.
Source: npr.org
#corruption#lawlessness
fascism
supreme court looks to crown a single king in dc
Rebecca Kelly Slaughter: Another casualty of presidential whims, because who needs 'reasons' when you have 'priorities'?
Breaking news from the land of the free—or not so much anymore. The Supreme Court seems all too eager to grant President Trump the ultimate magic wand of democracy: the ability to fire independent agency members whenever his heart desires, because who needs checks and balances when you have a monarchy? In other words, the high court's conservative justices are practically salivating at the thought of overturning a 90-year-old precedent that prevents presidents from ousting independent agency officials at will.
Justice Samuel Alito, in a stunning display of concern, asked if the Trump administration's plan to upend government structure might be a tad drastic. Solicitor General D. John Sauer assured everyone the sky wouldn't fall—just democracy. But sure, because nothing says 'accountability to the people' like eliminating independent oversight. Meanwhile, Justice Sonia Sotomayor pointed out the obvious: Congress’s role in maintaining some shred of governmental independence might actually matter.
Rebecca Kelly Slaughter, originally appointed by Trump himself (surprise!), was abruptly removed from her FTC position via a casual email. Apparently, her continued service clashed with Trump's 'priorities,' because 'inefficiency, neglect of duty, or malfeasance' now translates to 'not aligning with the agenda.' But who cares about legal reasons, right?
Source: npr.org
#fascism#unconstitutional