The Trump Presidency Timeline

Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is breaking laws at a speed even his Teslas can’t match. According to Georgetown law professor David Super, Musk’s handpicked bureaucrats have been illegally freezing federal grants, sidelining civil servants without due process, and even accessing Treasury payment systems without proper authorization. Their latest stunt? Attempting to dismantle USAID without congressional approval—because who needs laws when you have tech bros and vibes? Legal experts say this violates everything from the Impoundment Control Act to basic constitutional separation of powers, but Trump and Musk seem confident that a friendly Supreme Court will let it all slide. Because at the end of the day, it’s only democracy that’s at stake.

A Super Bowl halftime performer is now facing possible charges after holding up a Sudanese-Palestinian flag with “Sudan” and “Gaza” written on it during Kendrick Lamar’s performance. The NFL and police are investigating, because apparently, peaceful protest is a bigger offense than half the things happening in the league. The performer had hidden the flag and revealed it mid-show, leading the NFL and Roc Nation to quickly distance themselves from the act, claiming it wasn’t planned or rehearsed. Meanwhile, the actual game continued without a hitch, and unless you were watching very closely, you probably didn’t even see it on the broadcast. But sure, let’s make this the controversy of the night.

Trump is now floating the idea of defaulting on U.S. payments after Musk’s so-called “government efficiency” team allegedly found “irregularities” in Treasury data. No details, no evidence—just a vague suggestion that the U.S. might decide not to pay its bills based on whatever Musk and his hand-picked tech bros think they’ve uncovered. Because why not turn the entire global financial system into a meme stock? Given that DOGE operatives were just given access to Treasury payment systems, this raises some very uncomfortable questions. But hey, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s only the foundation of the world economy.

Trump’s latest grift? A meme coin that scammed investors out of $2 billion. The ex-reality star turned president launched $Trump, a cryptocurrency he hyped up on Truth Social, promising a “very special Trump Community.” And it was special—if you got in early. The first traders cashed out with insane profits, including one lucky degenerate who made $109 million in two days. But for the 810,000+ wallets now deep in the red, it’s looking a lot like another classic Trump business model: hype it up, let the suckers buy in, and walk away with the cash. Meanwhile, Trump and his family pocketed over $100 million in trading fees—all while working to gut crypto regulations that could hold them accountable. But hey, if you lost your life savings on $Trump, maybe you just should’ve done your own research.

Trump is back on his tariff nonsense, announcing a 25% tax on all steel and aluminum imports because, apparently, learning from past economic disasters is overrated. No word yet on whether Mexico, Canada, or other major trade partners will be exempt, but businesses are already bracing for higher costs, supply chain headaches, and inevitable retaliation. Trump insists this is about protecting American jobs, but last time he tried this in 2018, it spiked costs for U.S. manufacturers and did next to nothing for domestic production. But hey, what’s a little inflation and a few lost jobs if it means owning the globalists?

Trump is back in court, this time suing CBS for $20 billion—yes, billion—because a "60 Minutes" edit supposedly cost his social media site traffic. His lawyers argue that editing an interview with Kamala Harris was "false advertising" that unfairly steered attention away from Truth Social. You know, because the real reason people aren’t using Truth Social must be CBS and definitely not the fact that it’s a flaming dumpster fire of a platform. The lawsuit, filed in Texas (after some convenient forum shopping), is being widely dismissed as frivolous, but that’s never stopped Trump before. Meanwhile, CBS has released the unedited transcript, proving the edits were for time constraints—something Fox News literally did with Trump’s own interview last year. But hey, why let facts get in the way when you can shake down a media company for billions while they're in the middle of a merger?

Ah yes, billionaire and unelected government official Elon Musk is at it again—this time taking an axe to the IRS team responsible for free, easy tax filing. Because "small government" means making sure working Americans have to pay for tax prep services instead of using a free online tool. Right-wing influencers convinced Musk that Direct File—a simple, optional system—was some kind of socialist plot, so he proudly announced, “That group has been deleted.” Meanwhile, the website is still running, which suggests Musk doesn’t actually understand how government infrastructure works. But hey, hurting regular people is the real goal here, and on that front, mission accomplished.

Ah, the classic GOP dilemma: gut federal funding while scrambling to save their own bacon. Alabama Senator Katie Britt (R) is now frantically assuring voters that she and RFK Jr. will do everything they can to protect her state’s precious NIH funding—even as her party slashes it. Why? Because, shocker, Alabama’s biggest employer—the University of Alabama at Birmingham—relies on those “big government” grants to function. Britt is desperately spinning this as a fight against “waste” and “Communist China,” but the real panic is setting in as Republicans realize their own red-state economies depend on the very funding they want to kill. Now the question is: will Trump pivot to only defunding blue-state research institutions, or just those that fail the loyalty test? Stay tuned for more self-inflicted GOP chaos.

I guess "America First" means gutting humanitarian aid. Trump, with his new tech overlord Elon Musk, has set his sights on dismantling USAID, the agency responsible for providing critical foreign aid and disaster relief. Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has already fired or furloughed over 1,000 employees, locked out workers, and frozen aid programs—because why help starving children when you can cut budgets for fun? Legal experts are calling it unconstitutional, but the administration’s strategy seems clear: break everything, drag lawsuits out for years, and by the time the courts rule, USAID will be a distant memory. But don’t worry, Trump and Musk insist this is about “efficiency,” not a power grab. Sure. And SpaceX only takes taxpayer money because it loves competition.

when battling historic wildfires, the real priority is semantics. FEMA workers in California have been ordered to replace terms like "migrant" with "alien" and "gender" with "sex," following a Trump administration directive to purge so-called "radical gender ideology" from federal communications. One FEMA employee aptly dubbed this linguistic overhaul as "the most 1984 email I've ever seen." Apparently, in the midst of disaster response, nothing says efficiency like a good old-fashioned Newspeak update.

Ah, the tech titans' latest masterstroke: infiltrating the government with their own disciples. Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has been busy recruiting young engineers through online chat groups and Discord servers linked to Palantir and its co-founder, Peter Thiel. I guess "efficient government" means a bunch of tech bros with zero public service experience. These recruits, some as young as 19, are now embedded in federal agencies, wielding access to sensitive data. But don't worry, they're here to "modernize" things—by slashing budgets and gutting regulations. After all, who better to streamline democracy than the guys who brought you targeted ads and data mining?

A federal judge just slammed the brakes on Elon Musk’s DOGE team, blocking them from accessing sensitive financial and personal data on millions of Americans held at the Treasury Department. Why? Because letting Musk’s tech bros sift through Social Security, tax refunds, and Medicare payments raised just a few cybersecurity red flags. Nineteen state attorneys general sued to stop this madness, calling it an “unprecedented insider threat” that could compromise trillions in federal payments. The judge agreed, ordering Musk’s crew to destroy any data they’ve already swiped. Meanwhile, Trump’s Treasury appointee insists this is just “read-only” access—because that always reassures people.

Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has officially embedded itself inside the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB)—because nothing says efficiency like dismantling the only federal agency that protects consumers from financial predators. Three DOGE operatives waltzed into CFPB headquarters with full access to procurement, HR, and finance data, thanks to a Trump-installed acting director who immediately barred external communications (totally normal). Musk has been openly calling for the CFPB’s elimination, conveniently while turning X into a financial services platform with Visa. But don’t worry—Trump’s team insists this isn’t blatant corruption, just a bold new era of regulatory capture.

Congratulations, Gaines County! With 18% of kindergartners unvaccinated, you've managed to bring back a disease we literally had under control decades ago. Now, thanks to some people's deep commitment to doing their own research, measles cases are exploding, hospitalizing kids and endangering everyone. Who could have predicted this? (Oh right, every scientist and doctor ever.) But don’t worry—health officials are begging people to get vaccinated after the outbreak started. Bold strategy. Let’s see if it works out.