The Trump Presidency Timeline

Judge Beryl Howell just ordered the FBI to release records on Trump’s stolen classified documents, because apparently, FOIA is now the only way to get transparency in a government actively shielding him. The ruling comes after Trump’s re-election and the Supreme Court's gift-wrapped immunity ruling, which effectively killed any chance of prosecution. Howell noted that since the DOJ won’t be holding Trump accountable, the public deserves to see exactly what he took, how bad it was, and what the FBI actually found. The agency has until February 20 to come up with a timeline for the document release, which means fucking suddenly none of the documents “were declassified” excuses from Trump’s camp.

The Justice Department just dropped its bribery case against NYC Mayor Eric Adams, because apparently, aligning with Trump is the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card. Adams, who was indicted for accepting illegal campaign contributions and other perks in exchange for favors, suddenly found himself off the hook after cozying up to Trump's immigration policies. The DOJ insists this decision has nothing to do with politics—just like the memo explicitly stating they don’t want to interfere with his “duties.” Meanwhile, the charges were dismissed “without prejudice”, meaning they could be refiled, but don’t hold your breath. Because when Trump’s DOJ starts making corruption charges disappear, it’s never about due process—it’s about loyalty.

Trump’s purge of diversity programs is now gutting military recruitment, with the Army and other branches abandoning one of the nation’s top Black engineering events—a key talent pipeline for military STEM jobs. Instead of showing up at the prestigious Black Engineer of the Year Awards (BEYA) to recruit high-achieving candidates, the Army sent recruiters to an NRA event instead—because, apparently, attracting fewer, less qualified applicants is the new strategy. Meanwhile, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has declared Black History Month and Women’s History Month “dead”, and military officials are scrambling to erase any trace of diversity efforts. One furious Army general summed it up: "It's f---ing racist. For the Army now, it's 'Blacks need not apply.'"

Trump is doubling down on his Gaza real estate fantasy, now threatening to cut aid to Jordan and Egypt if they don’t agree to forcibly absorb displaced Palestinians—because what’s a little diplomatic blackmail in the middle of a humanitarian crisis? Meanwhile, he’s issued an ultimatum to Hamas: return all hostages by Saturday or “all hell will break out.” (because the president has the vocabulary of an 8 year old) Asked what that means, Trump played his favorite game: vague threats of military action. And in case his “Gaza is a real estate opportunity” idea wasn’t dystopian enough, he also clarified that Palestinians wouldn’t be allowed to return. Because nothing says stability and peace like ethnic cleansing with a luxury resort on top.

Trump’s back on his tariff war nonsense, slapping 25% taxes on imported steel and aluminum in the name of "Making America Rich Again"—which apparently means raising costs for U.S. manufacturers and pissing off allies worldwide. The E.U. is already threatening retaliation, Canada and Brazil are furious, and Germany’s chancellor says they could hit back “within an hour.” But Trump insists this is about "national security"—which is weird, because he’s already cut exemptions for allies and is considering making deals for the right price. Meanwhile, studies show his last round of steel tariffs cost more U.S. jobs than they created, but hey, why let facts get in the way of another trade war that screws American businesses?

Trump’s war on federal spending is turning into a bureaucratic nightmare, with agencies slow-walking court-ordered funding and blaming “operational delays” while clinics, nonprofits, and entire state programs teeter on collapse. Despite multiple judges ruling against Trump's executive orders freezing federal funds, his administration is still finding ways to withhold money, citing vague "reviews" and agency discretion. The result? Health clinics laying off staff, environmental projects shutting down, and even programs for low-income food assistance running out of cash. Meanwhile, Trump's allies are openly questioning whether Congress should even have control over federal spending—because who needs democracy when you can just hold critical funding hostage?

"let's make corruption great again," President crime wave has signed an executive order halting the enforcement of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act (FCPA)—the very law that prohibits U.S. companies from bribing foreign officials. The administration argues that the FCPA puts American businesses at a disadvantage because they can't engage in the same shady dealings as their international competitors. Critics, however, warn that this could undermine decades of anti-corruption efforts and tarnish the U.S.'s reputation as a leader in combating global graft. But hey, who needs ethics when there's money to be made?

Trump’s immigration crackdown just took a Guantanamo-level turn, with his administration attempting to send Venezuelan detainees to the infamous naval base—I guess due process means shipping asylum seekers off to a legal black hole. A federal court stepped in at the last minute, blocking the transfer of three men falsely accused of gang ties, but the fight isn’t over. Meanwhile, Homeland Security confirmed that detainee flights to Gitmo have already begun, and immigration rights groups are demanding access to those who have been sent. With 8,000 arrests in just weeks, Trump is making good on his mass deportation threats, and apparently, his plan includes offshore detention centers straight out of a dystopian nightmare.

Trump’s private club security is now a public expense, with Palm Beach County scrambling to cover $45 million in overtime for the sheriff’s office. After the second assassination attempt, security costs skyrocketed, and now county taxpayers are footing the bill while officials hope the federal government will reimburse them—eventually. Meanwhile, residents are fed up with non-stop helicopter noise, as Trump’s security detail flies laps over neighborhoods for hours a day. Even before these costs, the sheriff’s budget was outpacing inflation, meaning county services are being squeezed just to protect one man’s golf club. But don’t worry, Trump’s still calling himself a "fiscal conservative."

Trump’s latest fever dream? Kicking out 2 million Palestinians and turning Gaza into a beachfront real estate project. Speaking alongside Netanyahu, Trump declared the U.S. would "own" Gaza, resettle its population elsewhere, and redevelop the ruins into a luxury resort hub—because when he looks at a humanitarian crisis, he sees a casino opportunity. The global response has been overwhelmingly negative (except from Netanyahu, who called it a “remarkable idea”), and many have rightfully labeled it ethnic cleansing. Even Trump’s own party freaked out when he suggested sending U.S. troops to oversee the process, forcing him to walk that part back. But his administration is still pushing the idea that Palestinians must be forcibly removed for Gaza to be rebuilt—a plan that sounds less like diplomacy and more like a dystopian real estate pitch.

Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is breaking laws at a speed even his Teslas can’t match. According to Georgetown law professor David Super, Musk’s handpicked bureaucrats have been illegally freezing federal grants, sidelining civil servants without due process, and even accessing Treasury payment systems without proper authorization. Their latest stunt? Attempting to dismantle USAID without congressional approval—because who needs laws when you have tech bros and vibes? Legal experts say this violates everything from the Impoundment Control Act to basic constitutional separation of powers, but Trump and Musk seem confident that a friendly Supreme Court will let it all slide. Because at the end of the day, it’s only democracy that’s at stake.

A Super Bowl halftime performer is now facing possible charges after holding up a Sudanese-Palestinian flag with “Sudan” and “Gaza” written on it during Kendrick Lamar’s performance. The NFL and police are investigating, because apparently, peaceful protest is a bigger offense than half the things happening in the league. The performer had hidden the flag and revealed it mid-show, leading the NFL and Roc Nation to quickly distance themselves from the act, claiming it wasn’t planned or rehearsed. Meanwhile, the actual game continued without a hitch, and unless you were watching very closely, you probably didn’t even see it on the broadcast. But sure, let’s make this the controversy of the night.

Trump is now floating the idea of defaulting on U.S. payments after Musk’s so-called “government efficiency” team allegedly found “irregularities” in Treasury data. No details, no evidence—just a vague suggestion that the U.S. might decide not to pay its bills based on whatever Musk and his hand-picked tech bros think they’ve uncovered. Because why not turn the entire global financial system into a meme stock? Given that DOGE operatives were just given access to Treasury payment systems, this raises some very uncomfortable questions. But hey, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s only the foundation of the world economy.

Trump’s latest grift? A meme coin that scammed investors out of $2 billion. The ex-reality star turned president launched $Trump, a cryptocurrency he hyped up on Truth Social, promising a “very special Trump Community.” And it was special—if you got in early. The first traders cashed out with insane profits, including one lucky degenerate who made $109 million in two days. But for the 810,000+ wallets now deep in the red, it’s looking a lot like another classic Trump business model: hype it up, let the suckers buy in, and walk away with the cash. Meanwhile, Trump and his family pocketed over $100 million in trading fees—all while working to gut crypto regulations that could hold them accountable. But hey, if you lost your life savings on $Trump, maybe you just should’ve done your own research.

Trump is back on his tariff nonsense, announcing a 25% tax on all steel and aluminum imports because, apparently, learning from past economic disasters is overrated. No word yet on whether Mexico, Canada, or other major trade partners will be exempt, but businesses are already bracing for higher costs, supply chain headaches, and inevitable retaliation. Trump insists this is about protecting American jobs, but last time he tried this in 2018, it spiked costs for U.S. manufacturers and did next to nothing for domestic production. But hey, what’s a little inflation and a few lost jobs if it means owning the globalists?

Trump is back in court, this time suing CBS for $20 billion—yes, billion—because a "60 Minutes" edit supposedly cost his social media site traffic. His lawyers argue that editing an interview with Kamala Harris was "false advertising" that unfairly steered attention away from Truth Social. You know, because the real reason people aren’t using Truth Social must be CBS and definitely not the fact that it’s a flaming dumpster fire of a platform. The lawsuit, filed in Texas (after some convenient forum shopping), is being widely dismissed as frivolous, but that’s never stopped Trump before. Meanwhile, CBS has released the unedited transcript, proving the edits were for time constraints—something Fox News literally did with Trump’s own interview last year. But hey, why let facts get in the way when you can shake down a media company for billions while they're in the middle of a merger?

Ah yes, billionaire and unelected government official Elon Musk is at it again—this time taking an axe to the IRS team responsible for free, easy tax filing. Because "small government" means making sure working Americans have to pay for tax prep services instead of using a free online tool. Right-wing influencers convinced Musk that Direct File—a simple, optional system—was some kind of socialist plot, so he proudly announced, “That group has been deleted.” Meanwhile, the website is still running, which suggests Musk doesn’t actually understand how government infrastructure works. But hey, hurting regular people is the real goal here, and on that front, mission accomplished.