The Trump Presidency Timeline

Trumpty dumpty is celebrating a ‘huge win’ after backing off his tariff threats in exchange for... concessions Mexico and Canada had already promised last year. Mexico is sending troops to its border (again), and Canada is appointing a ‘fentanyl czar’—a move that was already in progress. In other words, he created a crisis, let it simmer, then accepted pre-existing agreements while pretending it’s a massive victory. Classic Art of the Deal: break something, duct tape it back together, and declare yourself a genius.

donny depends is launching yet another trade war, slapping tariffs on Mexico, Canada, and China because... reasons. He even admitted Americans will 'feel some pain'—which is MAGA-speak for 'get ready for skyrocketing prices and economic turmoil.' Canada and Mexico are already preparing to fire back with their own tariffs, markets are tanking, and economists are warning this could shave 1.5% off U.S. growth and push our neighbors into recession. But hey, nothing says ‘America First’ like making everything more expensive while pretending it’s someone else’s fault.

reality show reject's trade war strikes again—this time, threatening to kneecap Ontario’s economy over... what, exactly? No one really knows, but reality show reject was ready to slap tariffs on Canadian imports until Trudeau promised to beef up border security, which was already funded by the Canadians in December of last year. In response, Ontario geared up for an economic fistfight, planning to ban U.S. companies from contracts and strip liquor shelves of American booze. But just hours before the tariffs kicked in, reality show reject hit pause, proving once again that his trade policy is less '4D chess' and more 'tantrum diplomacy.' Meanwhile, businesses brace for impact because, let’s be real—this isn’t over.

Trump has decided to slap massive tariffs on Mexico, Canada, and China, claiming it will stop drugs and illegal immigration—because, as we all know, raising the price of avocados will definitely outsmart the cartels. In reality, this move is like setting your house on fire to keep the burglars out: American consumers are about to get torched with higher prices on everything from cars to sneakers to groceries. Mexico and Canada wasted no time hitting back with their own tariffs, and China is taking it to the WTO, so congratulations, we’re now in a full-blown trade war. But don’t worry, Trump assures us that tariffs will make America “very rich and very strong”—just ignore the fact that businesses, economists, and, well, anyone who understands supply chains are collectively screaming into the void. And to really twist the knife, he’s closing the de minimis loophole, meaning even small businesses and bargain hunters using Shein and Temu are out of luck. But hey, if you love paying more for food, gas, and literally everything else while pretending it’s “winning,” this one’s for you.

After cheering cheeto kings return like frat bros at a kegger, hedge funds are now placing multi-billion-dollar bets against the U.S. economy, because nothing says "confidence" like expecting a financial meltdown. Goldman Sachs data shows a tsunami of short positions, signaling that Wall Street’s elite believe a Trump-led market wipeout is imminent. This reversal is as subtle as a brick to the face: Just months ago, these same fund managers were all-in on "Trump trades," drooling over tax cuts and deregulation. Now? They’re bracing for impact, hoping to cash in while 401(k)s and pensions get steamrolled. And let’s not forget the elephant—or rather, the dragon—in the room: China’s AI powerhouse DeepSeek just sent U.S. tech stocks into a $600 billion freefall, exposing America’s not-so-invincible grip on the industry. Even Trump's most loyal Wall Street backers are sounding the alarm, warning that his policies could detonate a speculative bubble. So, as everyday investors anxiously refresh their portfolios, billionaire hedge fund managers are playing both sides—because whether the economy soars or burns, they always find a way to profit. And if Trump ever realizes his biggest financial supporters are now betting on his failure? Well, expect some all-caps rage tweets and a fresh round of finger-pointing.

In yet another brilliant strategic maneuver, President Trump has embarked on a new phase of his trade war—because nothing says 'economic genius' like imposing 25% tariffs on goods from Mexico and Canada, and a mere 10% on China. This, of course, is meant to address the illegal flow of drugs and immigrants, which clearly have everything to do with your Super Bowl guacamole budget. Forget about affordable avocados; Trump's America is all about paying the 'price that must be paid' for a supposedly 'great' future. The world can hardly wait! Business groups are, predictably, thrilled. The liquor industry is particularly ecstatic about the potential job losses that come with disrupting a once-thriving trade. Meanwhile, the American Fuel & Petrochemical Manufacturers are 'hopeful'—because when you're potentially facing higher energy prices, hope is all you really need, right? In other words, prepare for some seriously 'golden' times ahead, America.

President neckflap plans to slap tariffs on imported semiconductors, pharmaceuticals, and metals, aiming to force companies to manufacture these essentials within U.S. borders. Never mind that our key allies in Asia—like Taiwan, South Korea, and Japan—are the primary suppliers of these goods. Because nothing says 'thank you for your partnership' like a hefty import tax. Critics warn this could disrupt supply chains and hike prices for consumers, but hey, who needs affordable medicine and electronics when we can have trade wars instead?

In a recent escalation, President blockhead announced an "emergency 25% tariff" on Colombian imports after Colombia, under President Gustavo Petro, refused to accept U.S. deportation flights. Petro cited concerns over the dignity of deportees, particularly regarding their transport on military aircraft. In response, Trump also imposed sanctions, including visa restrictions for Colombian officials. Facing these economic pressures, Colombia was going to retaliate with tariffs of their own. Still, in the end, Colombia agreed to accept the deportation flights, leading the U.S. to pause the tariffs and some sanctions. However, certain restrictions remain until the first deportation flight is completed successfully. This incident underscores the complex interplay between immigration policies and international trade relations. The use of economic leverage to influence immigration cooperation highlights the delicate balance nations must maintain in their diplomatic engagements.

In a unified stand against President Trump's looming 25% tariffs, steelmakers in Canada and Mexico are hitting the brakes on new U.S. orders. Citing concerns over the impending duties, these producers are opting to sidestep the chaos, leaving American buyers scrambling. It's a bold move that underscores the deepening rift in North American trade relations, as allies push back against policies they see as disruptive and economically unsound. Consumers are going to have to pay more to for the same stuff, thanks mr dealmaker