The Trump Presidency Timeline

Trump’s Department of Commerce has graciously decided not to nuke Italian pasta from orbit, walking back threatened tariffs of up to 92% on Barilla, La Molisana, Garofalo and friends to a mere 2%-14%. In other words, after promising to almost double the price of your spaghetti in the name of economic nationalism, they’ve now generously agreed to only jack it up a bit—on top of the existing 15% tariff Trump already slapped on most EU goods. Because nothing says “stable trade policy” like swinging a wrecking ball and then bragging you only shattered half the building.

The administration claims this climbdown reflects Italy’s “constructive willingness to co-operate,” which is a polite diplomatic way of saying “we stared down a completely made-up crisis Trump manufactured and tried to minimize the damage.” Thirteen companies that account for 16% of Italian pasta imports were told their livelihoods could face a “fatal blow” so Trump could cosplay as Tariff Man again, then partially spared when someone at Commerce apparently discovered basic math and the existence of American grocery shoppers.

The pasta reprieve comes right after the White House also delayed huge tariff hikes on furniture, kitchen cabinets and vanities, all while insisting it is engaged in “productive negotiations” with trade partners. Sure. If by “productive” you mean: threaten to torch supply chains, freak out businesses and consumers, then dial it back and declare victory. It’s less a trade strategy and more a hostage situation where your lasagna, your couch, and your bathroom vanity keep getting tied to the railroad tracks for the sake of Trump’s next “tough on foreigners” soundbite.

Trump is giving a primetime address tonight because his approval rating has dipped below 40% and Americans are freaking out about prices — so naturally, he’s going on TV to tell them the economy is actually “A+++++”. In other words, the guy who lit the house on fire with unilateral tariffs is now scheduling a national broadcast to complain that people keep rudely noticing the smoke. Even some conservatives are calling the grading scale delusional, which is impressive given their usual willingness to clap like trained seals at whatever comes out of his mouth.

While voters say prices are their top concern and Jerome Powell politely points out that inflation is happening “entirely in sectors where there are tariffs”, Trump is out there promising bigger tax refunds in April and magical “Trump accounts” for babies born between 2025–2028. Because nothing says serious economic policy like slapping your own name on a savings account and hoping people forget their grocery bill doubled. The White House insists he’ll tout his “historic accomplishments” and brag about “lower gas prices” and “border security,” which is a bold move when your own trade war is jacking up the cost of basically everything that isn’t nailed down.

Democrats just swept key off-year elections by talking about affordability — the very thing Trump has been publicly mocking as a “hoax” — but sure, the problem is the messaging, not the tariffs, not the prices, and definitely not the guy grading himself like a desperate middle-schooler begging for extra credit. Tonight’s speech is billed as a chance to “regain the economic narrative,” which is Washington-speak for: he broke it, he owns it, and now he’s going to yell at the TV until the polls agree.

Downing Street is bravely insisting the “$40bn Tech Prosperity Deal” with the US is totally not dead, it’s just… resting. In “active conversations at all levels of government,” they say — which is a very polite way of admitting Trump slammed the brakes because the UK wouldn’t scrap its digital services tax and food safety rules fast enough for his Silicon Valley donors and agribusiness pals. Nothing says “historic cooperation” like Washington demanding London gut its own regulations as an entry fee.

While Rishi Sunak’s team pretends the deal is merely on pause, the Trump administration is busy threatening the entire European tech sector with economic penalties for the crime of… enforcing laws. The Office of the US Trade Representative accused the EU of “discriminatory and harassing lawsuits, taxes, fines and directives” against US firms, then helpfully singled out European companies like Accenture, DHL, Spotify and Siemens to warn that their long-enjoyed access to the US market might suddenly come with a MAGA surcharge.

The timing is chef’s kiss: this tantrum comes right after the EU slapped Elon Musk’s X with a $140m fine for lying about blue checkmarks, hiding ad data, and stonewalling researchers — in other words, doing exactly what Musk does. Brussels said, “these are neutral rules, they apply to everyone.” Trump’s people replied, essentially, “how dare you regulate our favorite oligarch’s disinformation machine, prepare for trade war.” Because nothing says “level playing field” like the White House threatening to punish Europe until it stops enforcing transparency rules on a platform that Trump openly uses as his personal propaganda outlet.

So to recap: the UK is clinging to a “Tech Prosperity” zombie deal while Washington demands deregulation tribute, the EU is trying to stop tech giants from scamming users and hiding data, and Trump’s response is to weaponize trade policy in defense of Elon Musk’s blue-check grift. But sure, tell us again how this is all about protecting fair competition and not just another episode of forever-grifting meets full-stupid.

After igniting a trade war fueled by sheer incompetence, U.S. officials now have the audacity to plead for sympathy from the very industry they’ve sabotaged. The EU’s retaliatory tariffs, hitting American whiskey with a 50% chop, are the hot sauce on the festering wound that is our economy. How charming! While whiskey sales soared—because folks needed their liquid courage during the pandemic—now they’re left in the dust, fighting for survival as layoffs loom over distilleries like a dark cloud. Way to cripple hard-working Americans, from farmers to bartenders! And now, as they twist in the wind, all the industry can do is hope for a miracle from the same politicians who sold them out. Cheers to that!

Ah, the never-ending circus of international trade where rationality takes a backseat to Trump's temper tantrums! The E.U. and Canada are not sitting idly by as the U.S. decides to slap tariffs on their goods like a petulant child flinging toys. Instead, they’re doubling down, hitting back with their own salvos of levies targeting everything from your precious bourbon to your beloved motorcycles! The irony? All of this while European leaders, with epic levels of naivete, still try to play nice, hoping the tantrum-thrower will just listen. Spoiler alert: he won’t. Meanwhile, businesses brace for a protracted mess as *everyone* grapples with the fallout of catastrophe, all while the “Trump task force” cooks up plans in Brussels like it’s just another day at the office. Clearly, engaging with a negotiating strategy is lost on this administration. Buckle up, folks—we’re in for a wild ride!

In a mind-boggling display of economic self-destruction, President Trump resurrects the ghost of 'America First' through a ludicrous 25% tariff on steel and aluminum imports, proudly claiming he’ll reclaim ‘stolen’ wealth from our closest allies—never mind the looming trade war that’s about to blow up in our faces. As Canada prepares to slap back with over $20 billion in tariffs of their own, it’s clear that this ‘strategy’ promotes nothing but chaos while feeding the delusion that factory jobs will magically return amidst rising costs for consumers. How are the American people expected to breathe amidst this dumpster fire of incompetence? Oh wait, it’s all part of a scheme to fuel tax cuts for the wealthy, because why wouldn’t you throttle the middle class for the sake of billionaires? Welcome to Trump's version of free trade: where the only thing we export is madness.