trump’s trade war speedruns every bad law from the 60s and 70s
Trump stares sadly at the lectern where someone forgot to write "Tariffs are a tax on you, not China" in 72-point font.
Donald Trump just got told by the Supreme Court that, no, he cannot declare a vibes-based "international emergency" and use a 1977 law to tax imports from basically the entire planet. So naturally, within 24 hours he signed a new proclamation grabbing a different dusty statute – Section 122 of the 1974 Trade Act – to slap a "temporary" 10% global tariff on almost everything, then hopped on social media and casually jacked it up to 15%. Who needs deliberation or policy process when you have a login and a pen?
Existing trade deals? Treaties? Negotiated 10% rates for countries like the UK and Australia? All now stuck in a Schrödinger’s agreement where the White House claims it will "continue to honour" legally binding deals while also saying everyone gets the new global tariff. Section 122 requires non-discriminatory tariffs, so partners like the EU and Japan are right back where they started: paying more and getting less, courtesy of the Art of the Deal.
Meanwhile, businesses are staring at a 15% tariff sledgehammer that could add £2–3bn in costs just for UK exports, with sectors from chemicals to food and textiles suddenly repricing everything overnight. Consumers get the usual Trump-era bonus prize: higher prices and more inflation. Oh, and thanks to the Supreme Court ruling that last year’s "reciprocal" tariffs were unlawful, there’s roughly $130bn in potential refunds hanging in the air while hundreds of firms lawyer up to get their cut. Economists are already noting that the administration can try to dodge those payouts by slapping on fresh, legally different tariffs instead – a sort of perpetual-motion grift machine powered by lawsuits and lobbying.
As a finishing touch, Trump still has Section 232 "national security" tariffs in his back pocket, with Commerce already investigating everything from semiconductors to aircraft. So businesses don’t just have one chaotic tariff regime; they have a whole choose-your-own-adventure of overlapping, arbitrary levies. The message from Washington is clear: the rule of law is optional, but the bill for this trade cosplay will be very, very real.
#trade-war#killing-democracy#forever-grifting
the art of the (trade) fail
Behold: a container ship full of foreign goods stubbornly refusing to be scared off by Trump’s tariffs or his caps-lock tweets.
US trade figures are in and, shockingly, President Tariff Genius has discovered that you can’t bully basic arithmetic. Despite slapping at least 10% tariffs on goods from nearly every country on earth like a toddler putting stickers on a globe, the US goods trade deficit hit a record $1.2 trillion. Imports surged to a record $3.4 trillion, exports hit a record too, and the gap still widened. Turns out yelling “AMERICA FIRST” doesn’t magically make foreign stuff cheaper or American factories reappear like Mar-a-Lago classified folders.
Trump did manage to throttle trade with China, shrinking that bilateral deficit by about 30%. Victory, right? Not quite: the overall deficit just rerouted itself through Mexico, Vietnam, Taiwan and anyone else with a shipping container and a pulse. Supply chains didn’t die; they just laughed, moved one country over, and sent a higher invoice. Meanwhile, AI-related imports of computer parts are booming, because apparently you can’t train a large language model on vibes and tariffs alone.
While the White House insists their plan just needs more time (and presumably more chaos), Trump keeps treating tariffs as his favorite foreign policy cosplay, threatening new taxes on any country that keeps trading with Iran and constantly revising the rules so nobody can plan anything. Businesses and states have sued, and the Supreme Court is now deciding whether this tariff circus is even legal. If the Court strikes them down, the administration says it will just reimpose them using “different tools,” which is a very polite way of saying: if at first you don’t succeed, abuse another statute.
So after years of trade war, global turmoil, and executive orders written like ransom notes, the US ends up with basically the same overall deficit as 2024, just with more paperwork, higher costs, and a solid reminder that Trump’s version of economic policy is less ‘strategy’ and more ‘hit random buttons and call it winning.’ America First apparently means America pays more while the deficit laughs in USD.
#trade-war#full-stupid
president trade war discovers canada owns half the bridge he’s holding hostage
Trump stares at a photo of the Gordie Howe bridge, searching for the part where China confiscates the Stanley Cup.
Donald Trump has discovered a bold new frontier in economic statecraft: threatening to barricade a jointly owned $4.6bn international bridge and only later learning who paid for it. After raging online that the Gordie Howe International Bridge has “virtually no US content” and that Canada “owns both ends”, Mark Carney gently explained reality to him like a tired parent correcting a child who insists the moon is made of cheese. Canada fronted the cash, Michigan co-owns it, and yes, U.S. steel and workers were involved. So much for the big patriotic boycott of American jobs.
Rather than admit he doesn’t understand how bridges, ownership, or maps work, Trump blamed Barack Obama for “stupidly” approving the project — a project he himself once demanded be built “expeditiously” during his first term. Local officials, like Windsor’s mayor Drew Dilkens, called the rant “insane”, which is Canadian for “we are screaming into a polite void.” Meanwhile, business leaders are pointing out that threatening to choke off one of North America’s key trade arteries is a self-own of historic proportions, but this White House has never met a supply chain it didn’t want to set on fire.
Because one tantrum is never enough, Trump also revived his Canada grievances Greatest Hits: dairy, tariffs, and now the deranged claim that if Canada signs a trade deal with China, Beijing will somehow abolish ice hockey and seize the Stanley Cup. Yes, the sitting U.S. president is suggesting that China’s master plan is to invade Canada’s national pastime via customs paperwork. Canadians responded by roasting him online and reminding everyone they haven’t won the Cup since 1993, so if China wants to “eliminate” it, they’re a few decades late to that party.
Ontario’s populist premier Doug Ford, not to be out-populisted, vowed to “double down” on banning U.S. liquor from provincial shelves unless Trump drops his tariffs, turning cross-border trade into a hostage swap between whiskey and welded steel. What’s left is a president casually threatening to weaponize a critical international bridge, slap 100% tariffs on a neighbor, and rewrite trade policy based on a conspiracy theory about Xi Jinping cancelling hockey night in Canada. But sure, tell us again how this is all about protecting American workers.
#trade-war#killing-democracy
trump slaps canada, canada calls literally everyone else
Mark Carney, patiently explaining that when your neighbor keeps setting trade agreements on fire, you start building exits.
President Donald "Tariff All The Things" Trump has managed to do what decades of diplomacy, NAFTA, and USMCA reviews could not: convince Canada that maybe, just maybe, tying its economic future to an erratic reality show host with executive power is a bad idea. After Trump dropped a 25% tariff on Canadian cars and parts — you know, the stuff built in deeply integrated North American supply chains that US companies themselves rely on — thousands of Canadian auto workers lost their jobs and Ottawa finally started reading the "ally" fine print.
So Prime Minister Mark Carney rolls up to an Ontario auto plant and announces a plan to pivot away from the US, offering new tariff credits to carmakers who build in Canada, rebooting EV rebates, and tightening emissions standards. While Trump kills EV subsidies at home to own the libs and the climate, Canada is basically hanging a big sign that says: "EVs welcome, sanity required." The USMCA — a free trade agreement whose whole point was no tariffs — is now being treated by Trump as a menu of excuses for more tariffs, and Carney, with the politest Canadian shade imaginable, notes that Washington’s "approach has changed." Translation: the US has gone from partner to drunk cousin stealing hubcaps.
Rather than keep begging the arsonist to stop lighting the garage on fire, Canada is shopping for new friends. Ottawa is easing tariffs on Chinese EVs it originally imposed in lockstep with Washington, and cutting a deal with South Korea to lure more car manufacturing north of the border — both moves that could undercut US car firms. All this because the Trump White House decided that blowing up a functioning continental supply chain was a great way to cosplay economic populism while US automakers quietly eat the costs. America First has once again become "America Last, But Louder."
#trade-war#killing-democracy
trump turns disney world into 'america only' land
Mickey and Minnie posing cheerfully in front of Cinderella’s Castle, blissfully unaware that Trump’s tariff tantrums and surveillance fetish are scaring off half their guests.
Donald Trump’s America First magic trick continues: he’s managed to make Disney World less appealing to foreigners. Disney is warning investors that its US parks are taking a hit from falling international visitors, right as foreign travel to the US drops for the first time since 2020. Analysts are gently suggesting that maybe, just maybe, tourists don’t love a country that treats them like criminal suspects with a passport. Wild theory.
While Disney politely dodges questions about what’s driving the shift, the backdrop is doing all the talking: higher national park fees for foreigners, and a Trump administration plan to demand five years of social media history from visitors from dozens of countries, including the UK. A third of international travelers say they’d rather not go through a DHS vibes-check on their Instagram before riding Space Mountain. Meanwhile, Canadian visits cratered over 20% after Trump slapped them with tariffs, prompting a full-on boycott-the-US trend. Trump promised to make America great again; instead he’s turning it into the world’s least fun gated community, where the only thing really booming is resentment.
Disney’s parks are still squeezing out modest growth by leaning harder on US customers, because domestic demand for escapism is apparently bottomless when your president is a walking constitutional crisis. But the bigger picture is clear: the administration’s mix of trade-war cosplay, xenophobia, and surveillance creep is literally costing the country billions in tourism, all so Trump can play strongman at the border. The happiest place on earth now comes with a side of geopolitical blowback.
#trade-war#killing-democracy
trump ‘wins’ the trade war, loses the global economy
Trump stares at a trade deficit chart upside down, declares victory, and somewhere in Beijing a surplus hits $1.2 trillion.
Donald Trump spent four years LARPing as a tariff whisperer, slapping duties on Chinese goods and declaring victory on Twitter while the actual global economy quietly re-arranged itself around him. The result? China’s trade surplus exploded to $1.2 trillion in 2025, exports surged across Asia and Europe, and US influence in the global trading system kept circling the drain. In other words, Trump “owned” China so hard that Beijing ended up exporting more to everyone else while imports stayed flat and manufacturers from Latin America to Europe got strangled by Chinese overcapacity.
The piece politely notes that the US “turned against the global order it built,” which is a very academic way of saying Trump took a sledgehammer to institutions like the WTO, walked away from serious rule‑writing, and replaced it with vibes-based nationalism and rally merch. Meanwhile, other rich countries actually built social safety nets to cushion the China shock, while the US just handed people Fox News and fentanyl and told them to blame foreigners. That rage powered MAGA, while China happily kept running a turbocharged mercantilist model—state subsidies, undervalued currency, closed markets—and watched everyone else belatedly realize the WTO no longer works when one giant player just ignores the rules.
Now the EU is openly talking about ditching the WTO’s most-favored-nation principle, Mexico and India are slapping tariffs on Chinese goods, and developing countries are filing hundreds of antidumping cases. Mark Carney flies to Beijing to sign a “strategic partnership” while Washington is too busy threatening its own civil servants to bother leading anything. The world needs an engaged US to balance China; instead it got Trump’s cosplay trade war and a Republican Party that thinks international law is for suckers. But sure, tell us again how the tariffs were a historic win for American manufacturing.
#trade-war#killing-democracy
trump threatens to annex canada’s trade policy
Donald Trump explains that Canada only exists at his pleasure, while a map of North America quietly files for emancipation.
Donald Trump woke up, opened Truth Social, and decided that Canada is now a Chinese colony and therefore must be punished with 100% tariffs. The alleged crime? A narrowly targeted Canada–China deal that lowers Chinese levies on Canadian canola oil and trims Canada’s tariffs on a limited number of Chinese EVs from 100% to 6.1%. In other words, normal trade tinkering between two sovereign states, rebranded by Trump as an act of war requiring immediate economic carpet-bombing.
China’s foreign ministry carefully explained that the agreement “does not target any third party,” which is diplomatic code for: please calm your unhinged neighbor. Prime Minister Mark Carney then patiently reminded everyone that Canada is not pursuing a free-trade deal with China, has never considered it, and that under USMCA they’d be required to notify the US if they did. So far, no one has found the clause in USMCA that says “Canada only exists because Donald Trump says so,” though Trump came close by declaring that “Canada lives because of the United States” and uninviting Carney from his very serious-sounding “Board of Peace.”
Because nothing says ‘rules-based international order’ like threatening your closest ally with massive tariffs over a canola and EV side deal, then calling it ‘negotiating’. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent tried to mop up the mess by claiming the threat only applies if Canada lets China “dump goods,” which is adorable given Trump is the one publicly accusing Canada of becoming a Chinese “drop off port” while Canada is literally imposing tariffs. Carney, being a polite Canadian hostage in this relationship, spun it as just the president’s “strong negotiating” ahead of the USMCA review, even as he quietly said the quiet part out loud: Canada needs to diversify away from the US so it’s less dependent on the guy who thinks your national economy is his personal reality show subplot.
So to recap: Canada tweaks a couple of tariffs, China says it’s a win-win, and Trump responds by threatening to bludgeon the Canadian economy unless they stop acting like an actual country. But sure, this is all about fair trade and not about one man’s need to constantly prove he can hurt allies whenever they forget who’s boss.
#trade-war#killing-democracy
markets shrug while trump plays tariff chicken with nato
Traders watch calmly as Trump juggles NATO, Greenland, and the global financial system with the grace of a man tweeting from a golf cart.
Global markets have officially entered the "this is fine" stage of Trump’s second-term trade roulette. The FTSE barely twitches as Trump threatens new tariffs on eight European countries, including the UK, because investors have learned the core rule of Trumponomics: the louder the threat, the likelier it is he’ll forget about it by next week. After his last "liberation day" tariff stunt turned into a buying opportunity, traders now treat presidential economic brinkmanship like a seasonal sale rather than the slow dismantling of the postwar order.
Meanwhile, in the background, the actual stakes are slightly higher than a red day on the Footsie. We’re talking about the potential breakup of Nato, the US president fantasizing about annexing part of a fellow Nato member, and Europe quietly reminding Washington that it owns about $8tn of US bonds and equities. As Deutsche Bank’s George Saravelos notes, once you start weaponising capital instead of just trade flows, you’re not in "tough negotiating" territory any more – you’re in "let’s see how fast we can melt the global financial system so Trump can LARP as 19th‑century empire" land.
France’s Emmanuel Macron is already floating the EU’s anti-coercion tool to restrict US companies’ access to the single market, because nothing says "Western alliance" like the two pillars of it edging toward a financial knife fight over Greenland. Markets may be calm, but that’s less a sign of stability and more a collective decision to pretend that an American president threatening allies, NATO, and the dollar’s status as the world’s reserve currency is just another headline. In other words: the fire alarm is blaring, but the traders have noise‑canceling headphones on.
#trade-war#killing-democracy
world’s dumbest greenland heist spooks the global economy
Artist’s impression of Trump’s Greenland strategy: set the global economy on fire and hope Denmark folds before the bond market does.
Donald Trump is once again holding the global economy hostage because he wants Greenland, and apparently the 21st century is just fanfic now. His latest tantrum: threatening 10% tariffs on European imports in February, cranking up to 25% by June, not because of any coherent trade strategy, but because he’s mad Europe won’t hand over a giant icy island like it’s a Monopoly property he landed on.
The IMF has been screaming for a year that this kind of on-again, off-again trade war is poison for investment, but Trump has discovered that weaponized uncertainty is fun. Businesses in the UK and EU had just finished pretending they could plan around those much-vaunted Trump trade deals signed with great photo-op ceremony last summer. Now he’s casually lighting them on fire, right as France is in a budget crisis and Germany is trying to crawl out of stagnation, because nothing says "stable global partner" like using tariffs as a ransom note for someone else’s territory.
At home, the genius plan is also busy kneecapping Trump’s own economic goals. Tariffs are already at their highest levels since World War II, and while inflation hasn’t exploded yet, analysts are warning that once pre-tariff inventories run out, prices will jump. That would force the Fed to stop cutting interest rates—directly sabotaging Trump’s obsession with cheaper money, even as he harasses Jerome Powell and files legal action against him for the crime of not being his personal rate-cut butler.
Markets have mostly adopted the "Taco" doctrine—Trump Always Chickens Out—after last year’s aborted all-out tariff threat. But there are cracks: gold and silver prices are soaring in a classic flight to safety while the AI bubble props up stock indices. Investors are basically betting that he’ll bluff and back down again. If they’re wrong, and they finally price in the fact that the president is using tariffs as a blunt-force weapon against major allies for a vanity land grab, then—as IMF chief Kristalina Georgieva put it—buckle up. In other words, Trump’s trade policy is now just a very expensive vibes-based Greenland fan project.
#trade-war#killing-democracy
trump slaps 'national security' sticker on nvidia, calls it industrial policy
Donald Trump gestures at a chart of AI chips he doesn’t understand, while staffers quietly draw dollar signs over Taiwan on the map.
Donald Trump has discovered a bold new approach to industrial strategy: slap a 25% tariff on Nvidia and AMD’s top AI chips, yell "national security" into a Section 232 proclamation from 1962, and hope nobody notices that this is less about safeguarding the republic and more about shaking down the supply chain. The order targets high-end AI semiconductors like Nvidia’s H200 and AMD’s MI325X, but—very coincidentally—carefully exempts huge domestic buyers like U.S. datacenters, big startups, and public sector applications. In other words: tough-on-trade photo op for Trump, minimal pain for his favorite corporate customers.
Even better, the administration just required China-bound Nvidia chips to take a scenic detour through the United States for “third-party testing,” where—what do you know—they get hit with the new 25% tariff. This comes after Trump already announced he’d let Nvidia sell H200s to China in exchange for a cut of the sales, a move legal experts politely described as "possibly unconstitutional" and less politely as "the president trying to personally tax exports." But sure, this is all about national security, not the president turning the U.S. government into a toll booth for global chip flows.
The White House insists this is a "narrowly focused" move to boost domestic manufacturing and reduce reliance on Taiwan, while quietly giving Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick broad discretion to hand out exemptions like party favors. Meanwhile, Trump is dangling broader semiconductor tariffs in the near future and has already splattered tariffs across everything from branded drugs to heavy-duty trucks. Because nothing says "carefully calibrated economic strategy" like weaponizing obscure trade statutes, destabilizing supply chains, and maybe violating the Constitution in the process—then calling it a win for American workers.
#trade-war#forever-grifting
trump’s economy: tariffs, tantrums, and totally not a recession
President Trump enjoys an Andrea Bocelli concert in the East Room, bravely persevering through the hardship of $8 eggs he helped create.
NPR helpfully kicks off 2026 by asking the big question: what fresh hell will Trump unleash next? The piece notes that Americans think the economy is trash, Trump’s approval is circling the drain at 38%, and 63% of people say the country’s headed in the wrong direction. Technically, we’re not in a recession, but functionally we’re in the part of the horror movie where the audience is screaming at the characters to stop opening doors labeled "tariffs."
Trump, naturally, has made everything more expensive on purpose, slapping tariffs on anything that moves and then acting shocked when prices go up. By a 2-to-1 margin, Americans say he’s raised prices, which is what happens when your economic policy is just angry Facebook comments with legal force. There’s even a looming Supreme Court decision on whether his tariff free-for-all is, you know, legal — because nothing says "stable constitutional democracy" like having to ask the Court if the president is allowed to keep using trade law as a personal rage toy.
So what’s the grand plan to fix affordability? So far, Trump has half-heartedly rolled back a few tariffs on agricultural goods, floated a bailout for farmers he punched in the face, and mumbled something about maybe tax credits, maybe yelling at corporations, who knows. The White House keeps trying to put him in front of "affordability" events, but he just boomerangs back to immigration panic and culture-war grievance, because actually governing is hard and screaming about brown people is easy. In other words: the economy’s on fire, Trump’s holding the gas can, and the big 2026 question is whether voters finally connect the arsonist to the flames.
#trade-war#money#killing-democracy
world's dumbest pasta war gets a 90% off sale
A lonely box of Barilla on a US supermarket shelf, quietly wondering why it had to star in Trump’s latest trade war cosplay.
Trump’s Department of Commerce has graciously decided not to nuke Italian pasta from orbit, walking back threatened tariffs of up to 92% on Barilla, La Molisana, Garofalo and friends to a mere 2%-14%. In other words, after promising to almost double the price of your spaghetti in the name of economic nationalism, they’ve now generously agreed to only jack it up a bit—on top of the existing 15% tariff Trump already slapped on most EU goods. Because nothing says “stable trade policy” like swinging a wrecking ball and then bragging you only shattered half the building.
The administration claims this climbdown reflects Italy’s “constructive willingness to co-operate,” which is a polite diplomatic way of saying “we stared down a completely made-up crisis Trump manufactured and tried to minimize the damage.” Thirteen companies that account for 16% of Italian pasta imports were told their livelihoods could face a “fatal blow” so Trump could cosplay as Tariff Man again, then partially spared when someone at Commerce apparently discovered basic math and the existence of American grocery shoppers.
The pasta reprieve comes right after the White House also delayed huge tariff hikes on furniture, kitchen cabinets and vanities, all while insisting it is engaged in “productive negotiations” with trade partners. Sure. If by “productive” you mean: threaten to torch supply chains, freak out businesses and consumers, then dial it back and declare victory. It’s less a trade strategy and more a hostage situation where your lasagna, your couch, and your bathroom vanity keep getting tied to the railroad tracks for the sake of Trump’s next “tough on foreigners” soundbite.
#trade-war#full-stupid
trump launches a trade war, then hides the body (and the data)
Donald Trump triumphantly announcing record tariffs while his staff frantically tapes over the economic dashboard with "DO NOT RESUME UNTIL AFTER ELECTION" signs.
Trump cranked average US tariffs from 2% to 18% – the highest since the 1930s – blowing past his first-term trade war and even Smoot-Hawley, because nothing says "America First" like reenacting the pre–Great Depression policy playbook. He did it while violating international trade agreements and torching the GOP’s 40-year cosplay as a "free trade" party, but sure, tell us more about conservative principles.
Economists braced for inflation, layoffs, and a real-income beating. Instead, the headline numbers look... not catastrophic. Why? For starters, the federal government literally stopped measuring reality: Trump’s shutdown kneecapped the Bureau of Labor Statistics and the BEA, so the CPI and GDP data are full of holes and heroic assumptions. In other words, the economy hasn’t held up so much as the scoreboard’s been unplugged.
On top of that, the "tough" tariffs aren’t even fully in effect. Trump keeps delaying some, rolling others back when voters notice grocery prices going vertical, and handing out massive exemptions to Canada and Mexico after briefly slapping them with a 25% auto tariff for 48 hours of performative chest-thumping. Business and markets now operate under the rule of TACO – "Trump Always Chickens Out" – where the president does nuclear-threat cosplay, then quietly retreats once donors scream.
Meanwhile, companies spent a year panic-buying imports ahead of the tariffs, stockpiling everything from Swiss gold to Irish weight-loss drugs and dodging billions in duties. So the real hit is delayed to 2026, when the inventories run out and the exemptions run thin. But for now, Trump gets to claim victory in his imaginary trade war: he broke international rules, sabotaged data collection, destabilized supply chains, and called it winning – because if you can’t see the damage, it must not exist.
#trade-war#killing-democracy#full-stupid
trump spends $12bn to fix a $34bn hole he dug himself
An American soybean field, bravely subsidizing the privilege of losing its biggest customer so Donald Trump can tweet about winning trade wars.
Donald Trump promised to “NEVER LET OUR FARMERS DOWN,” then spent two terms doing exactly that and slapped a $12bn Band-Aid on a $34.6bn wound. The new Farmer Bridge Assistance Program is being sold as heroic relief, but it works out to about $50 an acre while crop farmers have been bleeding money for three straight years, with thousands of family farms still expected to go under. In other words: you get a commemorative check and a bankruptcy attorney.
The damage is mostly self-inflicted. Trump’s trade war with China torched the soybean export market (China used to buy 54% of US soy exports), helped accelerate Beijing’s shift to Brazil, and now requires yet another bailout funded by tariff revenues that are, of course, just taxes on Americans. Farmers have already gotten tens of billions in "aid" over both Trump terms—$23bn last time, $40bn expected this year—because nothing says stable farm policy like repeatedly shooting your own agricultural sector in the foot and then mailing out hush money.
Meanwhile, the wider ag economy is circling the drain: crop farmers haven’t made money in 2025, 2026 looks worse, bankruptcies are set to top 1,000, and even John Deere is taking a billion-dollar tariff hit. The grand plan now is to pray that China comes back to the table and that the EPA juices biofuel mandates enough to mask the carnage. So the Trump administration’s visionary farm strategy boils down to: start a trade war, collapse export markets, paper it over with deficit-financed checks, and hope corn can be alchemized into both fuel and political forgiveness. But sure, tell us again how this is all about helping the forgotten American farmer.
#trade-war#money
trump frees america from bourbon, too
Jim Beam’s Kentucky distillery, now a monument to Trump’s trade genius and 16 million barrels of unsellable freedom juice.
Jim Beam is shutting down production at its main Kentucky distillery for an entire year, and no, it’s not because Americans suddenly developed taste. The company is "investing in site enhancements" and "assessing production levels" for 2026, which is corporate-speak for: Trump’s global tariff cosplay blew up our export market and now we’re swimming in unsold booze.
Thanks to Trump’s so-called "Liberation Day" announcement — where he heroically slapped tariffs on most of the planet because why not — US distillers got hit with retaliatory import taxes. Kentucky now has a record 16 million barrels of bourbon aging in warehouses, along with a "crushing" $75m tax bill on those barrels this year alone. In other words, the industry spent a decade gearing up for global growth, and Trump responded by liberating them from customers.
Canada piled on with a boycott of American spirits in most provinces, because nothing says "smart trade policy" like provoking your polite, booze-buying neighbor into telling you to get lost. Jim Beam is now trying to figure out what to do with its workforce while the stills go quiet, but sure, tell us more about how tariffs are "winning" and how this is all part of making America great again — one shuttered distillery at a time.
#trade-war#money#full-stupid
trump to explain why your empty wallet is actually a huge a+++++ success
President Trump participates in a White House roundtable, seen here bravely insisting the economy is ‘A+++++’ while his own tariffs set everyone’s bank accounts on fire.
Trump is giving a primetime address tonight because his approval rating has dipped below 40% and Americans are freaking out about prices — so naturally, he’s going on TV to tell them the economy is actually “A+++++”. In other words, the guy who lit the house on fire with unilateral tariffs is now scheduling a national broadcast to complain that people keep rudely noticing the smoke. Even some conservatives are calling the grading scale delusional, which is impressive given their usual willingness to clap like trained seals at whatever comes out of his mouth.
While voters say prices are their top concern and Jerome Powell politely points out that inflation is happening “entirely in sectors where there are tariffs”, Trump is out there promising bigger tax refunds in April and magical “Trump accounts” for babies born between 2025–2028. Because nothing says serious economic policy like slapping your own name on a savings account and hoping people forget their grocery bill doubled. The White House insists he’ll tout his “historic accomplishments” and brag about “lower gas prices” and “border security,” which is a bold move when your own trade war is jacking up the cost of basically everything that isn’t nailed down.
Democrats just swept key off-year elections by talking about affordability — the very thing Trump has been publicly mocking as a “hoax” — but sure, the problem is the messaging, not the tariffs, not the prices, and definitely not the guy grading himself like a desperate middle-schooler begging for extra credit. Tonight’s speech is billed as a chance to “regain the economic narrative,” which is Washington-speak for: he broke it, he owns it, and now he’s going to yell at the TV until the polls agree.
#trade-war#full-stupid
world’s dumbest trade war, pedal edition
Akron workers hand-soldering guitar pedals while Trump’s tariff brain trust explains that paying 30% more for foreign parts is how you ‘bring jobs back’ to America.
Trump’s big, beautiful tariff brain has discovered a new enemy of the people: boutique guitar pedals in Akron, Ohio. EarthQuaker Devices – whose gear is used by Radiohead, Smashing Pumpkins, PJ Harvey and other people who’ve seen a spreadsheet before – now gets to pay up to 30% more for the 1,000+ components that go into each pedal, because nothing says “bring back American manufacturing” like making it impossible to afford the parts you can’t even buy in America.
In northeast Ohio, one in three manufacturers report being kneecapped by tariffs, with losses nearly double the gains, plants closing, cargo through the Port of Cleveland down 15–20%, and thousands of jobs vanishing. But in Trump’s America, this is called a “win” for workers – in other words, if you liked losing 2 million factory jobs before 2011, you’re going to love losing thousands more now under the banner of economic nationalism.
The actual experts politely point out that the inputs simply don’t exist at scale in the US, reshoring takes years, and output was already rising even as jobs fell – but sure, let’s slap random tariffs on high‑grade steel and electronics, then act shocked when small shops stop hiring, cancel R&D, and spend their time building Excel models instead of products. As EarthQuaker’s Julie Robbins puts it, “It feels like gaslighting” – which is generous, because this is more like being mugged while the administration yells, “We’re doing this for you.”
Meanwhile, importers scramble into foreign trade zones, DOGE and Project 2025 are busy turning “small business support” into “lol you’re on your own,” and the Rust Belt gets yet another round of economic cosplay from the very people who promised to save it. But hey, if you can’t afford to keep your factory open, at least you can still watch Trump brag on TV about how the tariffs are going great.
#trade-war#full-stupid
trump defends big tech by threatening europe for regulating big tech
Trump’s idea of a ‘Tech Prosperity Deal’: Europe shuts up, Elon cashes in, and everyone pretends this is about free markets.
Downing Street is bravely insisting the “$40bn Tech Prosperity Deal” with the US is totally not dead, it’s just… resting. In “active conversations at all levels of government,” they say — which is a very polite way of admitting Trump slammed the brakes because the UK wouldn’t scrap its digital services tax and food safety rules fast enough for his Silicon Valley donors and agribusiness pals. Nothing says “historic cooperation” like Washington demanding London gut its own regulations as an entry fee.
While Rishi Sunak’s team pretends the deal is merely on pause, the Trump administration is busy threatening the entire European tech sector with economic penalties for the crime of… enforcing laws. The Office of the US Trade Representative accused the EU of “discriminatory and harassing lawsuits, taxes, fines and directives” against US firms, then helpfully singled out European companies like Accenture, DHL, Spotify and Siemens to warn that their long-enjoyed access to the US market might suddenly come with a MAGA surcharge.
The timing is chef’s kiss: this tantrum comes right after the EU slapped Elon Musk’s X with a $140m fine for lying about blue checkmarks, hiding ad data, and stonewalling researchers — in other words, doing exactly what Musk does. Brussels said, “these are neutral rules, they apply to everyone.” Trump’s people replied, essentially, “how dare you regulate our favorite oligarch’s disinformation machine, prepare for trade war.” Because nothing says “level playing field” like the White House threatening to punish Europe until it stops enforcing transparency rules on a platform that Trump openly uses as his personal propaganda outlet.
So to recap: the UK is clinging to a “Tech Prosperity” zombie deal while Washington demands deregulation tribute, the EU is trying to stop tech giants from scamming users and hiding data, and Trump’s response is to weaponize trade policy in defense of Elon Musk’s blue-check grift. But sure, tell us again how this is all about protecting fair competition and not just another episode of forever-grifting meets full-stupid.
#trade-war#forever-grifting
ford's electric dreams hit a trump-sized roadblock
Ford waves goodbye to electric dreams, thank Trump.
Ford is taking a measly $19.5 billion hit as it bravely retreats from the realm of electric vehicles, thanks to the Trump administration's genius policies. Because nothing says 'forward-thinking' like kneecapping EV demand and loosening tailpipe emissions rules. In other words, Ford is pulling the plug on models like the F-150 Lightning to embrace hybrids and gas guzzlers once again—because, evidently, the future is in the rearview mirror.
And let's not forget the poetic slaughter of Ford's next-gen EV lineup, with the T3 truck and electric commercial vans biting the dust. But don't worry, Ford plans to pivot towards more 'affordable' EVs by 2027. Who knew backpedaling could be this lucrative, right? Ford's new strategy? Invest in higher-returning areas—like the crumbling gas-powered future Trump seems hell-bent on resurrecting. Bravo, democracy, you've outdone yourself this time.
#trade-war#killing-democracy
trump and xi: together again for the first time, again
Trump and Xi: shaking hands and tariffs since whenever it was convenient
Ah, the classic Trump-Xi phone call—a diplomatic love story for the ages. Because nothing says 'strong relationship' like a trade war with tariffs still hovering around 50%. In a stunning display of diplomatic finesse, Trump took to Truth Social to announce a 'good, and very important, deal' with China. Meanwhile, China urged everybody to 'keep moving forward'—which in diplomatic terms translates to 'we're not buying it, but let's see where this goes.'
They touched on all the usual suspects: Ukraine, Taiwan, and of course, the ever-romantic topic of soybeans. Trump even managed to snag an invite to Beijing, proving once again that when it comes to truly baffling foreign policy, nobody does it better than America's former celebrity president. But sure, let's keep pretending this is going great.
#trade-war#imperialism
