The Trump Presidency Timeline

Donald Trump rang in 2026 at Mar-a-Lago by doing what he does best: turning religion, public office, and foreign policy into a live infomercial for himself. At his $1,450-a-ticket New Year’s Eve bash, Trump played auctioneer for a freshly painted portrait of Jesus that sold for $2.75m, because nothing says humble carpenter from Nazareth like a multimillion-dollar impulse buy at the president’s private club.

The painting, done onstage in minutes while a band crooned Hallelujah, was hyped by Trump as the work of “one of the greatest artists anywhere in the world” – which, in Trump-speak, is what he usually says right before someone ends up with a federal subpoena or a cameo on Newsmax. Half the proceeds, he announced, would go to St Jude’s children’s hospital and half to the local sheriff’s department, because if you’re going to launder your image through charity, you might as well cut in law enforcement too. “These people are loaded with cash, just so you know,” he told the room full of donors, in case anyone forgot they were supposed to be both worshipping Jesus and opening their wallets.

The guest list was a who’s-who of the American decline cinematic universe: Rudy Giuliani, still haunting public life; Homeland Security secretary Kristi Noem; Benjamin Netanyahu and his wife; Emirati billionaire Hussain Sajwani; Brett Ratner, currently filming an Amazon documentary about Melania for those who felt the Trump era deserved a director’s cut; House Republican Tom Emmer; and DC attorney general Jeanine Pirro, proving once again that in Trump’s America, the justice system is just another banquet table. While Trump wished for “peace on Earth”, reporters asked about a reported CIA-directed strike on a dock in Venezuela, because nothing pairs with a soft-focus Jesus auction quite like covert military action in Latin America.

Earlier in the day, Trump spent his time presidentially calling Colorado governor Jared Polis a “scumbag”, labeling George Clooney “mediocre”, and insisting Democrats are a “bunch of cheaters and thieves”, all while bragging that his tariffs had produced a “World Record on investments”. He also fixated on Minnesota governor Tim Walz and alleged social services fraud, proclaiming that “they stole $18 billion” and promising to “get to the bottom of all of it.” In other words: accuse everyone else of scams, then go back to your private club, sell a Jesus painting for millions to your rich friends, and call it charity and patriotism. Other than that, we’re going to have a great New Year.

Welcome to the surreal world where a $50,000 dinner party propels a tech billionaire into an unholy alliance with the government, exchanging federal oversight for a free pass to meddle with taxpayer dollars and dismantle democracy, all under the banner of "efficiency." With the finesse of a toddler in a candy store, Elon Musk has not only wormed his way into pivotal positions within government agencies but seems to think he's running a reality show where he can fire federal workers on a whim. After all, what’s more efficient than a tech mogul treating the federal bureaucracy like his personal plaything? Seriously, should we be surprised Musk's *Department of Government Efficiency* (DOGE, because why not throw in a crypto meme) looks suspiciously like the malevolent offspring of Trump and a Silicon Valley fever dream? More than just a 'guest appearance,' Musk is now orchestrating a hostile takeover of your government, all while proclaiming it’s to “restore democracy from the dictatorship of the bureaucracy.” Irony much?

In a breathtaking display of political theater, Chinese crypto mogul Justin Sun is treating the corruption of the SEC like a game of Monopoly, all while funneling millions into Donald Trump’s pockets. With the SEC cheerleading for Sun's mismanagement and criminal antics, their request for a stay on his fraud case smells more like a backstage pass for the corrupt elite than any real justice. Sun's *lavish* investments in World Liberty Financial, a venture fattened by Trump's family, prove that when it comes to *American democracy*, the rules are about as solid as the *worthless* tokens Sun's buying. And let's not forget the celebrities endorsing this crypto dumpster fire without disclosing payments - it’s a dystopian circus where money talks, and ethics take a backseat. Bravo, SEC! You're really nailing that *trustworthy* image!

Musk’s **government “efficiency” task force** just **accidentally defunded Ebola prevention**, because apparently **public health is just another line item to cut.** In a cabinet meeting, Musk shrugged off the mistake, saying **“We will make mistakes”**—which is great news if you **enjoy surprise pandemics.**

Musk’s **Department of Government Efficiency** just **quietly deleted its biggest “savings” claims** after reporters exposed **massive math errors**—like **miscounting an $8 million ICE cut as $8 billion** and **overstating Social Security cuts by 40,000%.** But don’t worry, DOGE still insists it saved **$65 billion**—because when the numbers don’t add up, **just erase the evidence.** the internet is forever though