The Trump Presidency Is Going Great
Documenting the chaos since day one — one awful day at a time.
Saturday, October 31, 2026
Friday, October 30, 2026
patriots for sale, democracy sold separately

Patriot missiles being loaded up for Ukraine while Trump and Elon Musk argue over who gets credit for flipping the "on" switch to the internet.
Thursday, October 29, 2026
trump orders 1,000 launches, cape canaveral prepares to yeet democracy into orbit
Space Force Col. Brian Chatman politely describes a scene of contractors swarming the base, inspection backlogs, and parking chaos, which is exactly what you’d expect when you turn the nation’s most important spaceport into a public–private Black Friday sale for rockets. SpaceX is expanding its Starship footprint, Blue Origin is rebuilding after blowing up a New Glenn rocket, and a couple of startup launch companies are lining up for their turn to strap explosives to metal tubes in the name of "competition" and Pentagon contracts.
Military officials admit that Cape Canaveral and Vandenberg can’t actually handle the coming tidal wave of launches, so the answer, obviously, is to let newly public, Musk-controlled SpaceX build a new Starbase off the Louisiana coast to "relieve pressure." Terrific: America’s strategic launch capacity, quietly outsourced to the guy who rage-posts through geopolitical crises. But don’t worry, they insist this is just a "boom cycle," not the permanent normalization of a weaponized, privatized space race with China that locks U.S. policy to whatever keeps the share price and launch cadence up.
For now, the Cape remains the "linchpin" of the rocket enterprise, churning out more launches than at the height of the Cold War while we pretend this is an inspiring new Apollo moment instead of a lucrative, militarized orbital land grab. The flag-waving is free; the contracts, environmental fallout, and strategic dependency on a couple of billionaires are extra.
Wednesday, October 28, 2026
america’s war policy now set by elon’s terms of service
Saturday, October 24, 2026
marco rubio gets his very own war memo
Friday, October 23, 2026
trump, musk, and the not-so-space force
Tuesday, October 20, 2026
trump pauses ukraine war to air his grievances

Ukraine gets air raid sirens, Russia gets target practice, and Trump gets mad that Zelenskyy isn’t sufficiently appreciative of his vibes.
Russia is pounding Ukraine again, and the Kremlin must be thrilled, because Donald Trump has decided now is the perfect time to pick a very public fight with Volodymyr Zelenskyy. While missiles rain down on Ukrainian cities, the guy who once tried to extort Zelenskyy over "a favor" is back to treating a live war like a cable-news beef segment.
Instead of a united front against Russian aggression, we get Trump ranting about how ungrateful Ukraine is and flirting with the idea that maybe Vladimir Putin has a point. It's a familiar pattern: U.S. security and democratic allies get held hostage to Trump's ego, while the autocrat in Moscow gets the strategic dividend. Ukrainians get bombed; Trump gets airtime.
The Today Show calls it a "standoff" between Trump and Zelenskyy, which is a delicate way of saying that a former U.S. president with a long, weird history of siding with Putin is once again undercutting a country fighting for its existence. American aid, NATO unity, the basic idea that you don't reward invasions—those are all background noise to a man whose foreign policy doctrine is essentially: who praised me last and who hurt my feelings.
Friday, October 16, 2026
senators ask why ukraine’s internet warfighting tool has a trump–musk off switch
Rather than the U.S. government controlling a critical military communications backbone, we’ve outsourced it to Elon Musk’s for-profit space empire, with the Trump administration allegedly playing bandwidth DJ for a live war zone. Now GOP senators are pretending to be shocked that when you hand battlefield infrastructure to an unaccountable billionaire and an unhinged president, you might get arbitrary slowdowns that benefit Russia. Truly a bold new era of national security: press 1 for English, press 2 if your drone strike depends on Elon’s mood and Trump’s re-election prospects.
Thursday, October 15, 2026
trump wants saudi nukes, what could possibly go wrong
The resolution forces a vote after Nov. 29, meaning Congress will have to go on record about whether it's cool handing nuclear capabilities to Mohammed bin Salman, Trump’s favorite sword-dancing autocrat. The senators are warning that the deal gives the kingdom way too much freedom to develop sensitive nuclear infrastructure with far too few safeguards, but the Trump White House appears laser-focused on its usual priorities: helping authoritarian buddies, ignoring proliferation risks, and pretending this is all about peaceful energy. Because when you think "stable, transparent, rights-respecting partner for nuclear tech," you obviously think Saudi Arabia under MBS.
trump, musk and putin walk into a war
Meanwhile, Trump lifts sanctions on Russian oil, hands Putin a financial lifeline, then demands Ukraine stop hitting Russian refineries because apparently the only energy infrastructure that deserves protection is the stuff funding Moscow’s invasion. Zelensky calls it “a weak decision” and “a gift to Putin,” so Trump responds like a true statesman and tells Ukraine to go elect a new president. Diplomatic genius: threaten regime change in the country that’s actually fighting the dictator you keep doing favors for.
Trump then unilaterally announces a “ceasefire” that Ukraine didn’t agree to, Russia keeps bombing Ukrainian energy infrastructure anyway, and Kyiv responds by resuming strikes on Russian refineries — because they live in reality, not inside Trump’s Fox News fan fiction. U.S. officials are reportedly “unlikely to look kindly” on Ukraine defending itself, but they seem perfectly chill with a world where American space platforms and a bored tech billionaire can throttle an ally’s war effort on a whim.
So we now have foreign policy where Putin gets sanctions relief, Ukraine gets gaslit about phantom ceasefires, and the fog of war is brought to you by SpaceX bandwidth management. The Trump White House can’t say if the president tried to sabotage Ukraine’s satellites, but they’re very sure the real problem is Zelensky not being deferential enough to the guy who just helped Russia sell more oil.
Wednesday, October 14, 2026
ai learns from america’s elites and becomes a professional extortionist
Artist’s rendition of AI ‘god mode’: a glowing server rack quietly deciding whether to optimize your workflow or sell your entire company for parts on the dark web.
Cybercriminals have apparently been studying the U.S. political class, because they've now automated the grift. A new global report finds 84% of ransomware victims were hit with attacks juiced by AI, and nearly half watched their own AI systems get turned into accomplices. So yes, your cheery in-house "productivity agent" might be two prompts away from going full mob enforcer on your identity systems and flipping itself into corporate god mode.
The human fallout is about what you'd expect when we hand the world’s sketchiest people the world’s most powerful autocomplete: psychological and physical threats against employees, families uprooted from homes and jobs, and 69% of victims getting nailed by multiple attacks in a single year. Meanwhile, 59% paid up at least once, because of course they did—extortion works great when governments are busy writing AI "principles" instead of regulations, and corporate boards treat security budgets like optional DLC.
Former White House cyber director Chris Inglis politely explains that AI now lets even non-technical crooks spin up autonomous ransomware attacks: tell the model who to rob, and it writes the code, runs the play, and adjusts on the fly when defenders react. Security researchers warn that better code and faster iteration mean fewer mistakes to trace, and more criminals at scale. But don’t worry, the same tech that’s helping attackers encrypt your entire business is also being sold to you as a transformational productivity solution. Truly inspiring synergy between Silicon Valley hype, corporate negligence, and a political system that only notices cyber when a hospital goes dark.
Tuesday, October 13, 2026
maga means more arctic gas for autocrats
Sunday, October 11, 2026
trump announces imaginary ceasefire, putin answers with missiles
Saturday, October 10, 2026
congress tries to childproof trump’s putin oil money faucet
Thursday, October 8, 2026
russia maybe has plague, trump world mostly has fox hits
Tuesday, October 6, 2026
trump to consult putin on plagues, because what could go wrong

File photo of Trump explaining epidemiology using the same expertise he once applied to bleach injections and hurricane Sharpie maps.
trump admin defunds america's brain so it can flex its id

FBI Director Kash Patel explains that everything is totally under control while quietly unplugging the bureau’s counterintelligence department from life support.
America’s top foreign spy hunters are being quietly kneecapped so Donald Trump can brag about arrest numbers on Fox News. FBI counterintelligence squads—the people who track Russian, Chinese, Iranian, and North Korean spies—are running at roughly 50–60% staffing in many of the bureau’s 56 field offices, with some offices cutting their spy-hunting teams in half. Why? Because Director Kash Patel and Trump-world want agents chasing violent crime and immigration cases that poll well at rallies, not the boring stuff like protecting state secrets during a war with Iran.
Leadership hasn’t issued a memo saying “stop doing counterintelligence”; they’ve just done the smarter authoritarian thing and starved it to death by reassigning agents and refusing to backfill positions. Anonymous current and former officials call it “terrifying,” which is a fun word to hear about the people supposed to keep hostile intelligence services out of our systems. The FBI, naturally, insists everything is fine, boasts about task-force headcounts padded with state and local cops, and waves around unverifiable claims that Patel’s FBI has arrested more Russian, Chinese, Iranian, and North Korean spies than any FBI in history. Metrics that actually matter—like dismantled networks or expelled operatives—are, inconveniently, not the ones that fit on a campaign chyron.
The result is an intelligence version of defunding the fire department while bragging about how many speeding tickets you wrote. As foreign adversaries ramp up espionage and cyber theft, the Trump administration is busy turning the FBI into a campaign prop, redirecting specialized spy hunters to chase whatever culture-war headline the president wants this week. America’s adversaries are running long-term operations; Trump is running on 24-hour cable segments. Guess which one is winning.
Monday, October 5, 2026
trump discovers 'a threat', accidentally moves a dozen bombers

B-1 bombers leaving RAF Fairford after the president sensed a mysterious, undefined threat—possibly Iran, possibly reality, definitely good for cable news B-roll.
trump treats bomber deployment like reality show cliffhanger

Trump explaining that the bombers didn’t ‘fly out by accident,’ as if anyone thought B-52s just wander off like lost shopping carts.
Sunday, October 4, 2026
great news: the trump white house is 'monitoring' a possible plague outbreak
Russian officials insist everything is fine, call it "pneumonia of unknown etiology," and say nearly 200 exposed people are under observation but totally healthy, promise. The epidemiological situation is "stable," which is exactly what you say when it isn't. Meanwhile, the White House punts all questions to the State Department, which heroically responds by not responding at all. When it comes to possible plague, the international strategy appears to be: shrug emoji but classified.
So we have Russia, famous for transparent public health reporting, and Trump, famous for not lying about pandemics ever, both telling us not to worry. If you were looking for a scenario that screams "we've learned absolutely nothing from COVID," congratulations, you've unlocked the bonus level.