The Trump Presidency Timeline

The fascist fuckheads administration, with Elon Musk pulling the strings, has booted two top security officials at USAID after they dared to stop Musk’s self-appointed “Department of Government Efficiency” (DOGE) from waltzing into restricted areas without proper clearance. Apparently, telling unqualified Musk lackeys that they can’t barge into a classified intelligence facility is now a fireable offense. Musk’s goon squad showed up at USAID demanding access to every door and floor, despite most of them lacking security clearance. When they were (rightfully) denied, they threatened to call federal marshals because nothing says "government efficiency" like storming a humanitarian aid agency. By Sunday, Musk had taken to X to declare USAID “evil” and “a criminal organization,” because naturally, helping prevent famine and disease in 100+ countries is now radical leftism. This power grab is just the latest in Musk’s rapid transformation from tech mogul to wrestling power away from tangerine tiny hands to become the enforcer-in-chief. In just weeks, he’s stacked key agencies with his own loyalists, gained access to Treasury systems controlling trillions of dollars, and now seems intent on dismantling USAID entirely. But sure, let’s pretend this is all about "efficiency" and not an authoritarian-style takeover of the federal government.

Less than 24 hours after a deadly plane crash in D.C., the administration decided it was the perfect time to email air traffic controllers—not to offer support, but to encourage them to quit their jobs en masse. The email, sent late Thursday night, urged controllers to take a government buyout, find a job in the private sector, or go on vacation “while still on the government payroll”—which, hilariously, violates federal rules against second incomes. This push for mass resignations comes in the middle of a nationwide air traffic controller shortage—a crisis that likely played a role in the Army helicopter collision that killed 67 people. When questioned, the administration blamed Obama, Biden, and, presumably, the deep state, while also falsely claiming the FAA was prioritizing “woke hiring” over safety. Meanwhile, actual aviation experts and union leaders are warning that gutting the agency even further could lead to more disasters in the skies. But hey, at least those former air traffic controllers can use their buyout money to take a long vacation… assuming their flights don’t get canceled due to, you know, no air traffic controllers.

Egg prices have been cracking through the roof lately, leaving consumers scrambling to adjust their grocery budgets. In December, the average cost for a dozen Grade A large eggs reached $4.15, a significant jump from $3.65 in November.

little marco is here to remind us that "lifesaving" means whatever the grump administration says it means. After last week’s chaotic foreign aid freeze—where USAID contractors were sent packing and humanitarian programs worldwide came to a screeching halt—Rubio is now doling out selective exemptions. Medicine, food, and shelter? Fine. Anything remotely touching gender, reproductive health, or diversity? Absolutely not. Aid groups, left scrambling to decipher what qualifies as "lifesaving," were basically told to figure it out themselves. Meanwhile, the White House is busy inventing condom-based terror plots to justify cutting funding for international medical care. Even land mine removal programs got the axe—and now we're leaving unexploded bombs behind???? For now, a few lucky programs have been granted a temporary lifeline, but the message is clear: foreign aid is now a transactional game, and if you don’t have the right priorities (read: military support for the right countries), don’t expect U.S. dollars to keep flowing. it's contingent on pleasing el furher fuck what congress has to say

President ferrethead has ordered a sweeping halt to federal grants and aid, leaving global health programs in disarray. This freeze halts the supply of life-saving HIV, malaria, and tuberculosis medications to impoverished nations, potentially endangering millions who rely on U.S. assistance. While the administration claims it's reviewing aid efficiency, critics argue this is less about prudence and more about abandoning the world's most vulnerable. America first, otherwise f*ck you I guess?

President Trump has signed an executive order to develop an American-made missile defense system akin to Israel's Iron Dome, aiming to protect the U.S. from potential threats. However, considering the U.S. is flanked by friendly neighbors and vast oceans, the necessity of such a system is questionable. Critics argue that investing in a missile defense shield designed for short-range threats is an imprudent use of resources, especially when the nation faces more pressing domestic challenges. Moreover, the effectiveness of such systems against advanced missile technologies remains a topic of debate among defense experts. In essence, while the initiative may bolster perceptions of national security, but its really just a giant waste of our money, fiscal conservatism right?

In a masterclass of budgetary brilliance, the Trump administration is deploying military aircraft like C-130Es for mass deportations, each 12-hour flight from El Paso to Guatemala City costing up to $852,000 to transport just 80 migrants. For context, that's over $10,000 per person. In contrast, a Department of Homeland Security chartered flight for the same route costs a mere $8,577. this extravagant approach not only squanders taxpayer dollars but also raises questions about the administration's commitment to fiscal responsibility. But hey, when you're making a point, why not do it with the most expensive tools available? and we get to feed less poor moms on food stamps as a bonus

In a whirlwind first week, President Donald Trump has swiftly removed or sidelined hundreds of federal employees, including top officials at the National Security Council, Justice Department, U.S. Coast Guard, and Transportation Security Administration. He also plans to dismiss over 1,000 officials appointed by former President Biden. These rapid changes have left many federal workers stunned and anxious about their job security and the future of the U.S. government.

In a recent tour of disaster-affected areas, President Trump suggested that FEMA might be more hindrance than help, proposing its elimination in favor of state-managed disaster responses. He argues that direct funding to states would streamline recovery efforts. However, critics point out that not all states have the resources or infrastructure to handle major disasters independently. But why let details like preparedness and resource allocation get in the way of a good shake-up? I guess that means states like California can keep their disaster money while states like Kentucky are cooked

Republicans are at it again, proposing to gut Medicaid so they can fund Trump’s immigration crackdowns and extend tax cuts for the wealthy. Because what’s a few hundred thousand low-income Americans losing healthcare when there are rich folks who might need a bigger yacht? The plan also targets non-U.S. citizens, because apparently, the best way to make America great is by making it harder for people to access basic care. Critics warn this could devastate vulnerable communities, but hey, at least the 1% can rest easy knowing their tax breaks are safe. Priorities!

President Donald Trump announced his intention to "demand that interest rates drop immediately," aiming to stimulate economic growth. While lower interest rates can encourage borrowing and investment, the Federal Reserve, which sets these rates, operates independently to balance economic factors like inflation and employment. Apparently one can just bully the semi-autonomous agency into submission, thanks joe I coulda used a 2% home loan

President Donald Trump has proposed creating a strategic Bitcoin reserve, aiming to bolster the U.S. position in the global crypto market. While the idea of a digital asset stockpile might sound cutting-edge, investing government funds in such a volatile and unregulated market is fraught with risks. Bitcoin's notorious price swings could lead to significant financial instability, and the lack of centralized oversight makes it susceptible to fraud and cyberattacks. Critics argue that this plan could jeopardize taxpayer money and question the prudence of tying national assets to such an unpredictable currency. Perhaps some ideas are better left in the digital realm.

Redefining "swift justice," Daniel Charles Ball, freshly pardoned by President Trump for his January 6 escapades, managed to land himself back behind bars just 24 hours later. Ball, who had been accused of hurling an explosive device at Capitol police, was rearrested on federal weapons charges after authorities discovered a .22 caliber rifle and ammunition at his Florida residence—a big no-no for a convicted felon. It seems that while Trump can wipe the slate clean, he can't stop someone from scribbling all over it again. As the first among 1,500 pardoned individuals to boomerang back into custody, Ball's rapid recidivism serves to remind us we live in the dumbest of timelines.

Leaving actual economists scratching their heads, President Donald Trump has proposed eliminating federal income taxes, suggesting that increased tariffs could fill the revenue gap. Critics argue that this plan could disproportionately burden lower- and middle-income Americans, as tariffs often lead to higher consumer prices. Additionally, experts warn that such a shift could destabilize the economy and strain international trade relations. While the idea of abolishing income tax may sound appealing, the potential consequences of relying solely on tariffs could be far-reaching and complex. Hey, who are we kidding though, it's not like Donald Trump even pays his taxes as it is. Freeloader.

Pre-inauguration throwback! The self-proclaimed king of “the art of the deal” now wants to eliminate the debt ceiling entirely, because apparently, when you’ve already ballooned the national debt by nearly $8 trillion during your last term, what’s a few more zeros? So much for fiscal conservatism—the party of balanced budgets is now more like the party of “just put it on the tab.” Critics point out that removing the debt ceiling doesn’t fix reckless spending; it just removes the brakes. But hey, why limit yourself when you can run up the credit card and let the next guy worry about it? Responsible governance, Trump-style!

Throwback from before the inauguration! Nothing says “billionaire priorities” like a single Elon Musk tweet derailing a government funding bill that included $190 million for pediatric cancer research. In true dystopian fashion, Musk’s public opposition led lawmakers to strip funding for the Gabriella Miller Kids First Research Program, named after a young cancer victim, from the final package. Apparently, helping kids beat cancer just didn’t vibe with the new fiscal mood. Critics are calling it a shameful reminder that, in modern politics, a billionaire’s 280 characters hold more weight than the lives of vulnerable children. Democracy at its finest!

In a move that has reignited debates over the ethics of profiting from incarceration, President Donald Trump has rescinded Executive Order 14006, which previously directed the Department of Justice to phase out the use of privately operated criminal detention facilities. This decision reverses the policy implemented during the Obama administration and reinstated by President Joe Biden in 2021, which aimed to reduce profit-based incentives in the prison system. Critics argue that for-profit prisons have historically been associated with higher rates of violence and substandard conditions compared to publicly operated facilities. The revival of private prison contracts is expected to benefit major corporations in the industry, raising concerns about the influence of profit motives on incarceration policies. Industries that control human lives should never be for profit, because these assholes prove time and time again that they will gladly take the profits and fuck the people.

Right now, the average cost of a gallon of gas is 3.12, a dozen eggs is 3.31, and a gallon of cow titty goop is 4.10, here in Kentucky it was 4.99 and 5.99 for eggs and milk respectively