The Trump Presidency Is Going Great

The House just passed a short-term funding bill to keep the government functioning through Dec. 11, sparing everyone from a pre-election shutdown and preserving the sacred American tradition of doing the bare minimum, but only until it’s politically inconvenient. The bill, already blessed by the Senate, cruises through 370-48 and now heads to Donald Trump, who is expected to sign it because even he understands that “I personally shut down the government right before the election” doesn’t poll well outside the Steve Bannon Cinematic Universe.

Instead of actually funding the government like adults, everyone agrees to punt the hard stuff until after the midterms, when the winners can swagger back for a lame-duck showdown over Trump’s dream of a $1.5 trillion military budget — a cheerful jump from this year’s already obscene $1 trillion. Democrats say no, Republicans clutch pearls about “obstruction,” and both sides quietly acknowledge they’re mostly gaming out how this plays in Susan Collins’ re-election ads.

House Appropriations Chair Tom Cole openly admits that nobody knows if they’ll do their actual jobs until they see how the election turns out, while Rosa DeLauro gamely pretends the goal is to just “get to the finish line” on real appropriations. Translation: the entire federal government is now a campaign prop on a 10-week extension, waiting to see which faction of this clown car gets to hold the shutdown gun to America’s head in December.

Gavin Newsom, the gelled avatar of West Coast moneyed liberalism, has released more than 700 pages of tax returns to inform the nation of a shocking fact: the governor of California is extremely rich and pays a lot of taxes on his extremely rich-guy income. From 2022 to 2024, the Newsoms pulled in between $1.7m and $2m a year and cut checks of about half a million annually to federal and state tax collectors, because when your brand is "responsible rich guy who might run for president," you have to show your work.

The document dump arrives as the DOJ is investigating the couple’s finances, which Newsom insists is politically motivated, so he’s responded by performing the classic pre-presidential ritual: tax return kabuki. The money mostly comes from winery and restaurant businesses parked in a so-called blind trust, which is adorable, because the returns conveniently don’t list which businesses made what. The PlumpJack empire is now run by his sister and cousin, so the trust is less "blind" and more "I just won’t ask my relatives too many follow-up questions."

On the lifestyle side, we learn the Newsoms spent up to $44,000 a year on childcare and handed out $40,000 to $65,000 annually to charity, plus thousands in donated clothes and toys. The highlight: they offloaded $45,000 worth of Armani business wear to a racial justice organization in Oakland, presumably so activists can fight systemic inequality while dressed like they’re headed to Davos. The returns show one big spike in 2021, when they made $4.2m after selling a Marin house for nearly $6m, paid over $1m in taxes, and somehow resisted the urge to call that "middle class" on cable news.

Donald Trump’s latest golf spree has extracted a jaw-dropping $18 million+ from taxpayers, proving once again that his favorite pastime is dollar-sign-distracted vacationing while Americans work to pay the bills. Only 48 days into office, he’s already chalked up more green time than most zebra-striped greens—14 days on the links, folks! Meanwhile, he promises he's too 'busy' to swing a club on official trips, a claim made while racking up costs that could fund a small army, or at least a decent daycare. As if we needed further proof of the stunning hypocrisy of an elite enjoying leisure on the public's dime while pretending to lead.

In a stunning display of political myopia, Donald Trump crusades against the Chips Act, aiming to siphon off $52.7 billion meant to boost American semiconductor production and dump it into the bottomless pit of national debt. Forget about innovation and job creation; who needs those when you can take a wrecking ball to bipartisan progress, all while blathering about 'bad money’ and promoting tariffs? This absurdity isn't just self-serving greed; it’s a direct assault on the livelihoods of thousands and a slap in the face to the very companies trying to keep America competitive. Bravo, Mr. Trump! Just when we thought you couldn’t get any more incompetent, you redefine the meaning of governance. Congratulations!

As investors finally wake up to the disaster that is Trump's tariff hysterics, the market is flailing like a fish out of water, scrambling to escape the stupidity of a 34% average tariff on China while the dollar plummets into the abyss. Who needs international trade when you can just slap hefty fees on your neighbors and watch as allies flee? Leaving CEO panic in his wake, Trump’s chaotic threats ensure a legislative nightmare we didn’t ask for, and analysts are left sounding like fortune tellers in a storm. Good luck finding stability in a market governed by a toddler’s tantrums!

In a ludicrous display of economic self-sabotage, President Trump’s 25% tariffs on Canadian and Mexican goods have sent the stock market plummeting faster than a lead balloon. The Nasdaq nosedives by 2.6%, while the Dow sinks like a stone, leaving investors gasping for air as Europe's markets laugh all the way to the bank. With U.S. manufacturers choking on rising supply costs and inflation lurking like an ex at a wedding, it’s a beautiful day to watch American financial stability melt down like an ice cream cone in July. If you needed proof that the circus has taken over the White House, look no further.