The Trump Presidency Timeline

Welcome to the latest episode of U.S. Immigration Theater, where 40 migrants enjoy a luxurious round-trip flight from Guantánamo to Louisiana, with a pit stop that makes you question the intellectual capabilities of the Trump administration. After shelling out taxpayer money for military flights to detain these individuals at a naval station, they abruptly decided to ship them back to US soil just weeks later—because who needs logic or a coherent plan? The Defense Department and DHS dance around inquiries like circus clowns while simultaneously ignoring lawsuits from outraged civil rights groups. If incompetence had a poster child, it would be this grotesque mishandling of human lives and taxpayer dollars—congratulations, America, you’ve officially reached peak absurdity.

In a reality show twist no one asked for, a federal judge just threw a dumpster fire of incompetence back in the administration's face, declaring that tens of thousands of workers fired in a pathetic attempt to slash the bureaucracy must be rehired immediately. Judge Alsup didn’t pull any punches, labeling the mass firings a ‘sham’ and a ‘gimmick’ aimed at dodging the rule of law, all while the Justice Department performs a masterclass in stonewalling. While the Trump administration rushes to dismantle federal protections and line their own pockets, this judge is calling out their Jurassic-like tactics and shining a spotlight on their incompetence. Who knew the swamp could get smellier?

Social Security just dodged a bullet, but don’t pop the champagne yet! After almost launching a catastrophic plan to strip away phone access for millions of Americans relying on benefits, it retreated—*barely*. While officials scramble to justify their fraudulent claims about octogenarians collecting checks, they’re still doubling down on policies that limit access to support for the very people who've paid into the system their entire lives. With dogs like Musk barking for cuts and chaos, it’s no surprise that the agency is treating its elderly constituents as afterthoughts in a cutthroat game of fiscal gymnastics. This isn’t just incompetence; it’s a calculated assault on the most vulnerable in our society!

President Trump, in a spectacular display of economic incompetence, has launched a $1.2 trillion game of fiscal chicken with Canada and Mexico, proving once and for all that he must be living in a parallel universe where tariffs magically lower prices rather than obliterate them. In a move guaranteed to slam American wallets while sending the stock market spiraling into a tailspin, his reckless tariffs will skyrocket the cost of avocados and tequila, while his lofty plans to lure back manufacturing ignore the ugly truth: automation did the heavy lifting, not his misguided trade war. Meanwhile, Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau is ready to hit back with a tariff retaliation that would make anyone question Trump's sanity. Brace yourselves, Americans, the only thing thicker than the brew of stupidity rolling out of the White House is the inflation that's about to wallop us all.

In a shocking twist that surprises absolutely nobody, jobless claims soared by 22,000 as the US labor market shows signs of cracking like a middle-aged man’s back after too many years of sitting in a government cubicle. With a grand total of 242,000 claims filed, it’s as if the Department of Labor is throwing a party to celebrate *how badly* they’ve mismanaged things. They’d love us to believe this is due to *noisy data* and weather events, but let’s be real—when your employment strategy is as effective as a chocolate teapot, what do you expect? While economists scramble to adjust their forecasts and downplay the ramifications of **mass layoffs** under the current administration, one can't help but marvel at how maintaining the facade of a ‘solid labor market’ has become the ultimate exercise in absurdity. So, sit tight folks; this steady *drip, drip, drip* of unemployment is just a warm-up act for the financial disaster we’ve all been waiting for.

Wall Street isn’t buying Trump’s economic ‘WINNING!’ U.S. stocks tanked Friday as businesses and consumers alike brace for the economic fallout of Trump and Musk’s chaotic policies. The S&P 500 saw its worst day in two months, business activity slumped to a 17-month low, and consumer inflation expectations spiked thanks to looming tariffs. Meanwhile, mortgage rates and home prices are keeping buyers away, and companies are openly worried about the instability coming out of Washington. But don’t worry—Trump’s got it all under control, just like last time. What could possibly go wrong?

The administration’s purge of the ‘deep state’ has reached the CIA. A wave of firings and resignations is rocking the intelligence agency, with senior officials being ousted in what looks like a political loyalty test. This follows the broader shake-up across national security agencies, as Trump’s inner circle tightens its grip on intelligence operations. Critics warn that gutting experienced leadership could cripple the agency’s ability to respond to threats, but hey, who needs spies when you have sycophants? It’s not about national security—it’s about control.

Judge Beryl Howell just ordered the FBI to release records on Trump’s stolen classified documents, because apparently, FOIA is now the only way to get transparency in a government actively shielding him. The ruling comes after Trump’s re-election and the Supreme Court's gift-wrapped immunity ruling, which effectively killed any chance of prosecution. Howell noted that since the DOJ won’t be holding Trump accountable, the public deserves to see exactly what he took, how bad it was, and what the FBI actually found. The agency has until February 20 to come up with a timeline for the document release, which means fucking suddenly none of the documents “were declassified” excuses from Trump’s camp.

Trump’s immigration crackdown just took a Guantanamo-level turn, with his administration attempting to send Venezuelan detainees to the infamous naval base—I guess due process means shipping asylum seekers off to a legal black hole. A federal court stepped in at the last minute, blocking the transfer of three men falsely accused of gang ties, but the fight isn’t over. Meanwhile, Homeland Security confirmed that detainee flights to Gitmo have already begun, and immigration rights groups are demanding access to those who have been sent. With 8,000 arrests in just weeks, Trump is making good on his mass deportation threats, and apparently, his plan includes offshore detention centers straight out of a dystopian nightmare.

Trump’s First Jobs Report: Not Terrible, Just Disappointing
The first jobs report of Trump’s second term is in, and it’s... meh. The economy added 143,000 jobs, missing expectations of 170,000, making it the weakest January for job growth since 2016. But don’t panic—unless you’re an investor, in which case, maybe panic a little. The unemployment rate dipped to 4%, beating forecasts, and wages rose 4.1% year-over-year, so there’s still some life in the labor market. Of course, extreme weather and California wildfires shaved off about 20,000 jobs, but let’s not kid ourselves—this wasn’t the explosive start the administration was hoping for.

• A disabled 19-year-old in West Virginia couldn’t start a Goodwill job because the nonprofit that facilitates employment didn’t receive its federal grant in time.
• A center that helps disabled people live independently was forced to lay off staff, leaving elderly clients at risk of institutionalization or homelessness.
• 57 Head Start programs across 25 states lost access to their funding, forcing some to shut down entirely—because, obviously, poor kids don’t need early education.
• Hospitals in multiple states have already cut off gender-affirming care for trans youth, terrified of losing federal funding under Trump’s latest executive order.
• Nearly 6,000 refugees, including Afghans, Ukrainians, and Venezuelans, are in limbo because the State Department stopped paying resettlement organizations.
• Shelters for domestic violence victims are warning that if this continues, people will die—but sure, let’s keep pretending this is about “efficiency.”