The Trump Presidency Timeline

Donald Trump is reportedly workshopping his final act as president: a radius-based group pardon for anyone who wandered within 200 feet of the Oval Office, like a war crimes Groupon. According to the Wall Street Journal, he’s been telling aides he’ll issue mass pardons at the end of his term, even fantasizing about a news conference where he announces them all at once. The room laughed; the justice system did not. The White House’s Karoline Leavitt insisted it was all a joke, then immediately reminded everyone that the president’s pardon power is “absolute”, which is a fascinating way to say, “We’re kidding unless we decide not to be.”

Trump has already handed out clemency like MAGA merch: more than 1,800 people so far, including 1,500 unconditional pardons on Day One for January 6 rioters, even those who assaulted cops. One accused pipe bomber is now arguing in court that Trump’s blanket Jan 6 pardons should cover him too, because his actions were “inextricably tethered” to the riot. When your legal system has to pause to ask whether the guy with the bombs is covered by the president’s vibes-based amnesty, things are going extremely well.

The pardon list doubles as a loyalty rewards program. Trump wiped the slate clean for Binance founder Changpeng Zhao, whose company conveniently processed a $2bn transaction from an Emirati fund through World Liberty Financial, the Trump family’s crypto toy, helping “legitimize” their digital currency. The White House called Zhao a victim of Biden’s “war on cryptocurrency”, which is one way to describe enforcing anti–money laundering laws when they’re not helping your family’s coin. He also commuted George Santos’s sentence after Santos pleaded guilty to wire fraud and identity theft, praising him because “he lied like hell” but was “100% for Trump”. Honesty may be optional, but devotion to the Dear Leader is non-negotiable.

So we now have a president openly joking about an end-of-term purge of accountability, after already turning the pardon power into a punchline stapled to a loyalty oath and a crypto side hustle. The message is clear: commit crimes, lie spectacularly, maybe help the family grift a bit, and as long as you orbit within the magical 200-foot circle of power, the law is just a suggestion.

Donald Trump is once again playing nuclear Jenga with the world order, casually threatening to walk the U.S. out of NATO like it's a failed casino instead of the cornerstone of Western security. So now NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte has to show up at the White House to perform the diplomatic equivalent of talking a drunk guy off the roof while he’s live‑streaming.

The alliance that deterred the Soviet Union, checks Russian aggression, and keeps a lid on World War III is now being treated by Trump as a subscription service he might cancel if he doesn’t get more compliments and cash. Authoritarians in Moscow and Beijing are thrilled; nothing says "America First" like methodically dismantling the very alliance that keeps America from being picked off piece by piece.

So Rutte arrives in Washington to reassure everyone that NATO is still a thing, while Trump test-drives the idea of abandoning mutual defense like a busted prenup. The message to allies is crystal clear: the reliability of U.S. security guarantees now depends on the mood swings of a guy who thinks Article 5 is either a gym membership clause or a subpoena.

Sen. Elissa Slotkin is doing the ritual Iowa corn-pilgrimage that every vaguely sentient Democrat has to do before the national press will admit they own a map. She’s selling herself as a pragmatic Midwestern normie who can help the country stumble out of the Trump hurricane and back into something resembling democracy, or at least a government that doesn’t threaten to vaporize foreign civilian infrastructure between Fox hits.

The real plot twist is buried mid-story: Trump has already accused Slotkin and other Democrats of “seditious behavior” — explicitly “punishable by death” — because they posted a video calmly reminding military and intel personnel that they are legally obligated to refuse illegal orders. You know, the thing the Uniform Code of Military Justice actually requires. Trump’s Justice Department dutifully tried to indict them for this unforgivable crime of citing the law, and even that MAGA-ified DOJ couldn’t make the charges stick. Slotkin then received a bomb threat at her home, because when the Dear Leader labels you a traitor, some random patriot inevitably volunteers to do the ‘patriotic’ thing.

While Slotkin talks about “Midwest pragmatism,” “Team Fight,” and trying to win back states Trump has turned into personal fiefdoms, Trump is out here threatening “destructive” attacks on civilian infrastructure in Iran and raging that telling soldiers not to commit war crimes is treason. Slotkin frames her Iowa trip as part of a broader effort to build a bench of Democrats who can win in red-leaning areas; Trump frames her as an enemy of the state who deserves death for reminding people the president is not actually a monarch. One side is talking about health care affordability in a craft beer bar, the other is fantasizing about executing senators for quoting the UCMJ. But yes, tell us more about how the real problem is ‘polarization.’

Trump’s America is going so tremendously well that the president of the Center for Victims of Torture – a group that literally helps people recover from secret police and dictators – is packing up his American-born kids and fleeing back to Australia because the U.S. now feels too authoritarian and dangerous. Within days of Trump’s second inauguration, the administration froze US$20m in funding for CVT by email, forcing the furlough of 430 staff and the shutdown of torture-rehab programs in refugee camps across the Middle East and Africa. Apparently the real torture was giving traumatized people therapy instead of sending more money to the Pentagon.

Once the funding was gutted, the government moved on to the fun part: kidnapping legal immigrants. ICE flooded Minneapolis, grabbed six CVT clients who were in the U.S. legally – including two who were abducted right out of their immigration check-ins – and flew them 1,800km away to a Texas detention center. While Trump publicly jokes about being “dictator for one day” and gushes over Kim Jong-un’s instant obedience, his loyalists are busy trying to criminally charge critics like James Comey, flirting with rolling back same-sex marriage protections, and turning migrants’ lives into a choice between “Alligator Alcatraz” and a Salvadoran prison. Freedom™ now comes with a side of state terror and a 40% Pentagon budget increase.

The punchline: this time Americans voted for it. Trump won the popular vote in 2024, and his followers are already rocking “Trump 2028” hats despite that awkward Constitution thing. Steve Bannon calls him an “instrument of divine will” who must stay in power “at least one more term,” which is definitely the kind of normal, chill thing you say in a functioning democracy. So Simon Adams does the unthinkable patriotic act: he leaves. He’d rather live in a country that still believes in democracy, human rights, and science than stick around in a place where performative cruelty is national policy and the crocodile of authoritarianism is already picking out its next snack.