The Trump Presidency Is Going Great

In the latest episode of 'Let's Pretend We Care About Education,' President Trump is considering massive cuts to the U.S. Department of Education. Because nothing says 'investing in the future' like gutting the agency responsible for managing $1.6 trillion in student loan debt and ensuring disadvantaged kids get a decent education.

But sure, why not hand over education to Linda McMahon, because running the WWE is basically the same as running a federal agency, right? In other words, when in doubt, just tag-team education policy with a bodyslam of incompetence and a chokehold of indifference.

And while Trump dreams of closing the Department entirely, he might want to brush up on his Schoolhouse Rock!—since, thanks to that pesky thing called Congress, it's not quite that simple.

Elon Musk's recent initiative to overhaul federal government infrastructure heavily relies on a group of young engineers, aged between 19 and 24, many of whom have prior associations with his companies. These individuals, despite their limited experience in government operations, have been appointed to pivotal roles within the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). Their rapid ascent and the significant responsibilities entrusted to them have raised concerns about the potential risks of entrusting critical governmental functions to such an inexperienced cohort.

president 'grab em by the p*ssy' return to the White House has turned into a full-blown purge, leaving federal workers shell-shocked as he makes good on his campaign promise of “retribution.” Sure, his high-profile enemies expected some payback—but it turns out the real bloodbath is happening behind the scenes, with career officials, watchdogs, and justice department lawyers getting axed, reassigned, or strong-armed into submission. From canceling Secret Service protection for officials on actual Iranian hit lists to gutting agencies investigating him, Trump’s administration is making one thing clear: loyalty isn’t just expected—it’s required. The latest executive order, laughably titled Ending the Weaponization of the Federal Government, is basically a hit list for his perceived enemies, all wrapped up in legalese. Federal employees are now being warned of “adverse consequences” if they don’t snitch on colleagues who resist his DEI purge. Meanwhile, those unwilling to play along with his immigration crackdowns or selective law enforcement agenda are being shuffled into irrelevant roles—or just fired outright. It’s a purge so blatant that even Nixon’s enemies list is starting to look subtle. But hey, at least one Trump critic put it best: trying to punish special prosecutor Jack Smith is like a fart in a hurricane—loud, ridiculous, and ultimately pointless.

president dickhead is wasting no time in his second term, speedrunning his executive power grab by firing Democratic members of independent labor commissions—something even past Republican presidents didn’t dare to attempt. Equal employment protections? Union rights? Not if lump has anything to say about it. He’s kicking out commissioners, replacing them with GOP loyalists, and ensuring that the agencies meant to protect workers will now prioritize dismantling workplace discrimination laws, targeting DEI initiatives, and making life easier for corporate giants like Tesla and Amazon. Legal scholars say this move is blatantly illegal and could go all the way to the Supreme Court. But frump, ever the constitutional scholar, has made it clear he doesn’t believe in "independent" agencies—just ones that do his bidding. If this is how he starts, what’s next? Buckle up, labor rights are about to take a ride straight back to the Gilded Age.

president dickhead is wasting no time in his second term, speedrunning his executive power grab by firing Democratic members of independent labor commissions—something even past Republican presidents didn’t dare to attempt. Equal employment protections? Union rights? Not if lump has anything to say about it. He’s kicking out commissioners, replacing them with GOP loyalists, and ensuring that the agencies meant to protect workers will now prioritize dismantling workplace discrimination laws, targeting DEI initiatives, and making life easier for corporate giants like Tesla and Amazon. Legal scholars say this move is blatantly illegal and could go all the way to the Supreme Court. But frump, ever the constitutional scholar, has made it clear he doesn’t believe in "independent" agencies—just ones that do his bidding. If this is how he starts, what’s next? Buckle up, labor rights are about to take a ride straight back to the Gilded Age.

the f3rump administration has axed over a dozen Justice Department officials involved in prosecuting the former president. Acting Attorney General James McHenry justified the purge, stating these individuals couldn't be trusted to "faithfully implement the President's agenda." Because, apparently, holding someone accountable is now considered disloyalty.

In a move that rolls back decades of progress, President Donald Trump has terminated Executive Order 11246, a historic directive signed by Lyndon B. Johnson in 1965 to ensure non-discriminatory practices in hiring. For nearly 60 years, this order required federal contractors to promote equal opportunity regardless of race, color, religion, sex, or national origin. Critics argue that its repeal opens the door to workplace discrimination, undermines diversity initiatives, and sends a troubling message about the federal government's commitment to equality. Once a cornerstone of civil rights progress, this protection is now history—leaving many to wonder what comes next.

Turning 50,000 federal career civil servants into political appointees is like swapping out your car’s engine for a Twitter poll—it’s a catastrophically bad idea. These roles are meant to be nonpartisan, staffed by experts who keep the government running smoothly regardless of who’s in charge. Politicizing them means putting loyalty above competence and turning vital agencies into extensions of the ruling party’s agenda. Goodbye steady governance, hello chaos and corruption! If you thought bureaucracy was slow now, wait until every decision hinges on who’s wearing the right color tie. This isn’t draining the swamp; it’s flooding it with partisan quicksand.

In a stunning move that totally doesn't scream 'killing democracy,' President Trump has graciously extended his pardon pen to 1,500 January 6 rioters. Yes, the same folks who thought storming the Capitol was their patriotic duty now get a free pass, courtesy of our dear leader. Because nothing says 'law and order' like forgiving Enrique Tarrio for his 22-year vacay in federal prison and Stewart Rhodes for his 18-year stay. In other words, 'patriots' and 'hostages' (as Trump calls them) can now return to their regularly scheduled programming of, well, whatever they do when they're not plotting 'civil war.' But sure, let's keep pretending this isn't a giant middle finger to justice.