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The Trump Presidency Timeline

Documenting the chaos since day one. 136 entries and counting.

Category: imperialism
imperialism

trump's cannabis reform: a joint venture for capitalism

Trump: Turning cannabis reform into a business high, not a social justice win.

Trump: Turning cannabis reform into a business high, not a social justice win.

Trump has taken a massive hit from the reality bong and is very strongly considering rescheduling cannabis from Schedule I to III, because nothing screams progress like putting weed in the same category as codeine. In other words, welcome to Trump's America where cannabis is totally okay as long as the billion-dollar industry can grab some tax breaks and investors can swim in green cash, not green leaves.

But don't put away those protest signs just yet. While cannabis stocks are getting high, the criminal justice system remains a sticky situation—people are still locked up for trafficking while Trump's cronies puff away on profits. Remember, rescheduling isn't decriminalizing. The 'war on drugs' may be getting a facelift, but it's still business as usual abroad, where Trump is ready to bomb anyone who dares drop a dime bag near U.S. borders. Hyper-commercialization at home, imperialism abroad—it's the Trump way.

Source: theguardian.com

#imperialism#forever-grifting
imperialism

trump brings back gunboat diplomacy, because why not?

Trump's version of foreign policy: When in doubt, send in the fleet.

Trump's version of foreign policy: When in doubt, send in the fleet.

In a move that would make Theodore Roosevelt proud, Donald Trump is reviving the art of gunboat diplomacy in Venezuela. With a military ensemble large enough to make a Broadway show jealous, Trump has decided that the best way to stem the flow of drugs is to deploy an aircraft carrier, destroyers, cruisers, and a special forces support ship to the Caribbean Sea. Because nothing says 'stop drugs' like a full-fledged naval invasion, right? Meanwhile, Pam Bondi is playing the role of the administration's PR wizard, claiming the seizure of an oil tanker is somehow linked to 'illicit oil shipping networks' and foreign terrorists. Sure, Pam, whatever you say. In other words, Trump's handling of Venezuela is about as clear as mud, but hey, who needs clarity when you have military might and a penchant for drama? As for Congress and the OAS, they're left scrambling to figure out how to reel in this 21st-century imperialist spectacle before it spirals into a full South American quagmire. But let's be real, who needs peace and diplomacy when you can just wave some big guns around?

Source: theguardian.com

#imperialism#national-security
imperialism

another day, another deadly misadventure in syria

Syria's new president: redefining 'progress' one ISIS surprise at a time.

Syria's new president: redefining 'progress' one ISIS surprise at a time.

Ah, Syria, where the new president who once flirted with Al-Qaeda now extends heartfelt condolences to President Trump over a deadly attack on U.S. forces. Because nothing says 'fresh leadership' like a surprise visit from ISIS at your doorstep. In other words, the Middle East remains as stable as a Jenga tower in an earthquake.

Meanwhile, Trump, ever the man of few coherent words, has threatened 'serious consequences' without, of course, bothering with details. After all, why spoil the suspense when dealing with international crises? And just like clockwork, American troops are still playing whack-a-mole with ISIS and protecting oil installations because, priorities!

In a land where dictators and foreign interventions are as common as kebabs, Syria's president is trying to reassert control over a nation that seems to have not gotten the memo about moving on from decades of conflict. But sure, a few more arrests ought to do the trick.

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#national-security
imperialism

envoy peace talks: how to lose an invasion in 10 days

Zelenskyy records a video, presumably to say, 'Welcome to the latest episode of 'Why Diplomacy Is Hard,' starring Jared Kushner.'

Zelenskyy records a video, presumably to say, 'Welcome to the latest episode of 'Why Diplomacy Is Hard,' starring Jared Kushner.'

Because nothing screams effective diplomacy like sending Trump's real estate guru, Steve Witkoff, and his favorite son-in-law, Jared Kushner, to Berlin to solve a war that experts have been grappling with for years. Zelenskyy's hopeful address suggests we're on the brink of a peace deal—pushed by Trump with the same enthusiasm he once reserved for hotel openings. Meanwhile, Putin's demands would make Santa's naughty list look reasonable, and the real sticking point is, surprise, surprise—who controls the Donetsk region. In other words, the negotiations are as smooth as a sandpaper handshake.

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#national-security
imperialism

defense department considers transparency, hilarity ensues

Pete Hegseth, contemplating the fine art of selective censorship at the Reagan National Defense Forum.

Pete Hegseth, contemplating the fine art of selective censorship at the Reagan National Defense Forum.

Because nothing screams accountability like a government agency debating whether to show us a video of a military strike that may or may not have adhered to pesky things like laws. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, the man of the hour, assures us he's just being responsible by reviewing the video footage of a September 2 attack on a Venezuelan 'drug boat'.
Meanwhile, President Trump, that beacon of informed decision-making, admits he's open to releasing the footage—though he has no idea what's even on it. But sure, let's just trust them to do the right thing. After all, who needs Congressional approval when you can just unleash the military and hope nobody asks too many questions? Or, you know, sees the aftermath of turning the full force of the U.S. military on people clinging to debris. But hey, transparency, right?

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#national-security#unconstitutional
imperialism

putin can't agree to losing: in other news, water is wet

Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff bravely tackle international diplomacy in their favorite roles as B-list negotiators.

Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff bravely tackle international diplomacy in their favorite roles as B-list negotiators.

In a shocking twist that will undoubtedly surprise nobody, Vladimir Putin has deemed certain points in the U.S. proposal to end the Ukraine war as 'unacceptable.' Apparently, the idea of giving back land conquered through aggression doesn't sit well with the Kremlin. Color us stunned. Trump's diplomatic dream team, featuring his son-in-law Jared Kushner and real estate mogul turned special envoy Steve Witkoff, are valiantly trying to 'stop the fighting' with their boundless expertise in things not involving peace or war.

Putin, who had his five-hour tête-à-tête with these brilliant minds, found the discussions 'necessary' but conveniently 'difficult.' Because nothing screams 'constructive diplomacy' like hashing out points that one side already knows it will reject. Meanwhile, European leaders are left out of the loop, scrambling to Beijing for help, because surely Xi Jinping will be the voice of reason in this geopolitical circus. But sure, let's continue this charade of 'peace talks' while missiles are still striking civilian areas in Ukraine. After all, what's a little war between 'friends'?

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#killing-democracy
imperialism

trump's navy takes the plunge into potential war crimes

An artist's impression of Trump's unique approach to international diplomacy—complete with explosive consequences.

An artist's impression of Trump's unique approach to international diplomacy—complete with explosive consequences.

Ah, the Caribbean—known for its pristine beaches, rum cocktails, and now, potential war crimes. The Trump administration, ever the fan of high-stakes drama, allegedly decided to play a twisted game of Battleship with a Venezuelan boat, resulting in the deaths of all 11 people on board. But don't worry, folks, the administration claims they were narcoterrorists—because when has the U.S. ever needed actual evidence before dropping bombs?

In a dazzling display of military precision, Admiral Frank Bradley, taking orders from the illustrious Secretary Pete Hegseth, ensured that the two survivors clinging to wreckage didn't make it out alive. After all, nothing says 'war on drugs' like 'blowing people up in international waters.'

As lawmakers scramble to figure out if this qualifies as a war crime or just a typical Tuesday in Trump's America, one can't help but marvel at the administration's commitment to keeping us on our toes. With 20 other vessels targeted in recent months, who knows what other diplomatic masterpieces we have to look forward to?

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#killing-democracy
imperialism

nothing says ‘war on drugs’ like an aircraft carrier battle group

Nicolás Maduro kisses the flag while Trump parks a nuclear-powered carrier off his coast, because subtlety is for countries that aren’t running on pure performative imperialism.

Nicolás Maduro kisses the flag while Trump parks a nuclear-powered carrier off his coast, because subtlety is for countries that aren’t running on pure performative imperialism.

Trump has decided the best way to fight fentanyl overdoses in Ohio is to park the USS Gerald R. Ford off Venezuela and start playing oil-tanker battleship in the Caribbean. He’s ordered a naval blockade on all sanctioned tankers in and out of Venezuela, just days after U.S. forces seized one at sea—because nothing says measured foreign policy like reenacting the 1980s drug war with more hashtags and fewer laws.

On paper, this is about migrants and narcotics. Trump is blaming Nicolás Maduro for Venezuelans fleeing a collapsed economy and for supposedly “emptying his prisons and insane asylums” into the U.S.—with, of course, zero evidence. He’s also designated two Venezuelan criminal networks as Foreign Terrorist Organizations and then helpfully decided that Maduro himself, his government, and basically anyone near an oil well are now “Drug Terrorists.” In other words: if it moves and exports crude, it’s Al-Qaeda now.

Analysts note that “Cartel de los Soles” isn’t even a single cartel but a catch-all term for corrupt officials involved in trafficking, but the Trump administration simply slapped on the terrorist label, doubled the bounty on Maduro, and called it a day. Meanwhile Trump is on Truth Social accusing Caracas of using “stolen oil” to fund “Drug Terrorism, Human Trafficking, Murder, and Kidnapping,” while deploying 15,000 troops and the world’s largest aircraft carrier to stop cocaine—because nothing screams serious anti-drug strategy like risking a shooting war in the Caribbean to juice your tough-guy polling numbers.

Maduro, a corrupt authoritarian presiding over a rigged 2024 election and mass repression, is calling it “international piracy” and accusing the U.S. of trying to steal Venezuela’s oil. When the guy waving Simón Bolívar’s sword while jailing opponents is accusing you of imperialism and somehow has a point, you’ve really nailed the “rules-based international order” branding exercise. But sure, this is about fentanyl, not regime change plus offshore drilling rights.

Source: bbc.com

#imperialism#national-security
imperialism

trump's masterclass in 'peace' negotiations

When peace talks look more like a reality show plot twist.

When peace talks look more like a reality show plot twist.

Ah, the Trump administration, redefining 'progress' by deftly shifting deadlines as if diplomacy were a game of pin the tail on the donkey. Apparently, offering Ukraine a 'deal' to give up territory they haven't even lost is just the kind of bold, innovative strategy we've come to expect from the art of the dealmaker himself. Because nothing says victory like ceding more ground to Putin. In other words, the U.S. is now sending Steve Witkoff and Dan Driscoll to play diplomats in the world's most confusing chess match. And while Secretary Marco Rubio flies off to Geneva to smooth over controversial points, the real question remains: who's playing who in this geopolitical circus? With Russia continuing to launch attacks on Ukraine, it's unclear if Trump's 'fine-tuned' plan will actually fine-tune anything other than his own public relations narrative.

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#killing-democracy
imperialism

peace through capitulation: trump’s ukraine plan

Trump and Putin: Redefining 'peace' one concession at a time.

Trump and Putin: Redefining 'peace' one concession at a time.

In a bold move that would make even Neville Chamberlain blush, President Trump unveiled his 'peace plan' for Ukraine—a masterpiece of diplomatic genius that pretty much hands over everything Russia ever wanted and then some. Because nothing says 'peace' like telling Ukraine to give up territory to Russia, cap its military, and renounce NATO ambitions. Oh, but Ukraine gets to try to join the EU, something they should've been able to do regardless, and a sort-of-kind-of NATO protection for 10 years. In other words, a 'temporary' security promise that's as reliable as a cheap umbrella in a hurricane.

Meanwhile, back in Moscow, Putin is playing it cool, surely thrilled that the plan caters to Russian demands while warning that Moscow will achieve its goals one way or another—because why not dangle the threat of war over an already fraught situation? But sure, let's call this a 'peace deal.' Zelenskyy, caught between a rock and an orange place, is now considering counterproposals, because who wouldn't want to negotiate with a gun to their head?

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#killing-democracy
imperialism

nailing international waters: trump's new hobby

Trump, Rubio, and Hegseth: the Three Musketeers of 'Narco-Terrorist' Elimination, strategizing over their next game of international whack-a-mole.

Trump, Rubio, and Hegseth: the Three Musketeers of 'Narco-Terrorist' Elimination, strategizing over their next game of international whack-a-mole.

Ah, the smell of burning vessels in the open seas—President Trump's latest strategy to rid the world of 'narco-terrorists', one alleged drug vessel at a time. Because nothing says 'justice' like obliterating boats with scant evidence that they're actually trafficking drugs. Grainy video footage of these high-seas heroics, courtesy of Trump's and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth's social media feeds, is the only proof we have that these were indeed drug boats. The administration hasn't bothered with any pesky 'further evidence'.

Meanwhile, the definition of 'unilateral' is getting a real workout here. Legal scholars question the executive branch's authority to conduct these strikes without Congress's go-ahead, but Trump insists he's got it covered. Why bother with a declaration of war when you can just play Battleship in real life? Imperialism is clearly in vogue this season.

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#lawlessness
imperialism

trump rolls out red carpet for former al-qaida buddy turned syrian president

Syria's Ahmad al-Sharaa: from wanted list to White House guest list. Photo by Jacquelyn Martin/AP.

Syria's Ahmad al-Sharaa: from wanted list to White House guest list. Photo by Jacquelyn Martin/AP.

In a stunning display of diplomatic gymnastics, President Donald Trump welcomed Syrian President Ahmad al-Sharaa to the White House, marking the first visit by a Syrian head of state since 1946. Because nothing says 'progress' quite like hosting someone who once had a $10 million bounty on his head from the U.S. But sure, let's roll out the red carpet and call it a victory for peace. Sharaa, now hailed as a 'strong fighter' by Trump, graciously entered the Oval Office through the back door - a thoughtful move to avoid comparisons to the more, shall we say, traditional leaders. Diplomacy at its finest, folks.

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#national-security#killing-democracy
imperialism

trump's pacific target practice: now with extra aircraft carriers

Pete Hegseth, master of ceremonies in the 'find and terminate' strategy, speaking at yet another press conference—because speeches are cheaper than evidence.

Pete Hegseth, master of ceremonies in the 'find and terminate' strategy, speaking at yet another press conference—because speeches are cheaper than evidence.

In the latest episode of the Trump administration's high-seas adventure, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has announced the 16th deadly strike on an alleged drug boat in the eastern Pacific—because nothing says war on drugs like turning international waters into a live-action Call of Duty match. This latest act of nautical aggression has left two more people dead, bringing the Trump administration's 'deterrent' campaign to a heartwarming total of at least 66 casualties. Of course, President Trump insists that the U.S. is in 'armed conflict' with drug cartels, and these boats are piloted by foreign terror outfits—though any actual evidence is, predictably, as elusive as Trump's tax returns. Meanwhile, the USS Gerald R. Ford aircraft carrier is sailing towards the Caribbean, because apparently, nothing screams peace quite like a floating fortress heading to Latin America. In other news, Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro is crying foul over the U.S.'s apparent fabrication of a war against his country, while Trump coyly dangles the possibility of further military action. But sure, let's keep pretending this isn't an unconstitutional military overreach with a side of imperialism.

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#lawlessness
imperialism

trump bends time: peace talks from his alternative timeline

Trump, peace deal maestro, proving geography and reality are mere suggestions.

Trump, peace deal maestro, proving geography and reality are mere suggestions.

Ah, President Trump, the master of 'Art of the Deal', strikes again, this time attempting to broker peace between Ukraine and Russia. Bold move, considering the only peace he's known is the kind that comes from his Trump Tower penthouse. With Russia still dreaming of a glorious Soviet reunion and Ukraine fighting for its very existence, Trump thinks a little pressure on India's oil purchases will bring Putin to his knees. In other words, Trump's peace plan is like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet hole, but sure, let's applaud the effort. Meanwhile, the Europeans, who are now leading the charge in support for Ukraine, scratch their heads wondering if America's foreign policy is now written in crayon or if it's just Trump's two-week promises running on loop like a broken record. But hey, at least he made Alaska feel important by holding a meeting there. Remember, folks, nothing says diplomatic triumph like gathering world leaders in the Last Frontier.

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#killing-democracy
imperialism

florida's everglade extravaganza: jailbirds and gators

President Trump tours the new migrant detention facility, a visionary blend of incarceration and wetlands conservation.

President Trump tours the new migrant detention facility, a visionary blend of incarceration and wetlands conservation.

In the latest installment of the Sunshine State's dystopian dramedy, a federal judge has mercifully interrupted the growth of 'Alligator Alcatraz'—a charmingly nicknamed immigration detention center parked in the middle of the Everglades. Because, obviously, nothing says welcome to America quite like being caged in a swamp alongside real-life dinosaurs. In other words, Florida's bold plan for immigration reform involved nature documentaries and muddy misadventures. Judge Kathleen Williams, clearly not a fan of Jurassic Park reenactments, pointed out that the rush to build this wonderfully situated facility seems to have overlooked trivial matters like environmental laws and basic human decency. But sure, let's file an appeal, because who wouldn't want a detention facility threatening billions of dollars in environmental restoration? As Trump's tour suggested, it's clearly a model for nationwide expansion—assuming the goal is to cage humans like zoo animals while courting environmental disaster.

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#anti-immigration
imperialism

nato summit: trump's military shopping spree

Trump explains how more spending will totally make NATO great again, while Rubio and Hegseth perfect their 'nod-and-smile' routine.

Trump explains how more spending will totally make NATO great again, while Rubio and Hegseth perfect their 'nod-and-smile' routine.

Ah, nothing like a NATO summit where Trump's flair for diplomacy shines through like a fireworks display in a gunpowder factory. The big takeaway? Let's crank military spending back to Cold War levels, because there's nothing quite as refreshing as reliving the good old days of mutually assured destruction.

European nations are now on a thrilling journey to funnel tens of billions into defense, all thanks to Trump's inspiring leadership and, of course, the looming threat of Russia. They’ll aim for a 3.5% GDP defense budget by 2035, because setting unrealistic goals is always more fun when the stakes are global security.

Spain and Slovakia aren't on board, but who cares about unity when there's a new arms race to fuel? Meanwhile, poor Canada and struggling European economies might need a few bake sales to hit these targets, but sure, let's build more tanks; that's definitely the answer to peace in our time.

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#national-security
imperialism

trump's nato charm offensive: bring your own defense budget

President Trump arrives at NATO summit ready to redefine 'unity' with a side of tariffs and territorial jokes.

President Trump arrives at NATO summit ready to redefine 'unity' with a side of tariffs and territorial jokes.

Ah, NATO: the alliance President Trump loves to hate. As he jets off to The Hague for a quick one-day summit, it seems like the only thing shorter than the meeting's agenda is the list of countries willing to up their defense spending to 5% GDP. Because nothing says 'unity' like drastically increasing military budgets that many member nations can’t afford.

Trump's fondness for criticizing NATO norms is no secret, especially Article 5's 'all for one' philosophy. The man who once mused about annexing Canada as the 51st state and joked about acquiring Greenland seems to think NATO's longstanding principles are more of a suggestion than a commitment.

The highlight of this whirlwind diplomatic jaunt? A glamorous dinner hosted by the Dutch king. But sure, showing up at all counts as a win—a low bar, but hey, we take what we can get in Trump's America.

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#national-security
imperialism

trump's 24-hour peace promise becomes infinite jest

Ukrainian rescuers performing their daily workout routine, courtesy of peace negotiations that never quite materialized.

Ukrainian rescuers performing their daily workout routine, courtesy of peace negotiations that never quite materialized.

Ah, the art of the deal, Trump-style: solving the Ukraine crisis in a day turned into a stunning display of diplomatic prowess that even the world's finest jesters couldn't top. Trump's bold plan to bring peace with a wave of his winning hands has, shockingly, hit a few bumps. Who could've predicted that complex geopolitical conflicts wouldn't bend to the reality TV script of 'deal-making'? In other words, Trump's version of 'walking away' might just boost Putin's morale, giving Russia a leg up in the war. But sure, disengaging from crucial talks and leaving Europeans to scramble for U.S. intelligence is a brilliant strategy. Meanwhile, the grim stats keep rolling in: 790,000 Russian and 400,000 Ukrainian casualties. But hey, who’s counting when there’s peace... promise to break?

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#killing-democracy
imperialism

trump's syrian strongman fantasy

Trump and Sharaa, two men destined to save Syria with charisma alone. What could possibly go wrong?

Trump and Sharaa, two men destined to save Syria with charisma alone. What could possibly go wrong?

In a move worthy of a political thriller gone wrong, President Trump has decided to lift U.S. sanctions on Syria, all because Ahmed al-Sharaa, Syria's interim president, is apparently a 'young, attractive guy' and a 'tough guy'—the two essential qualities, of course, for stabilizing a war-torn nation. In other words, Syria's future rests on a personality contest. Trump, always the geopolitical strategist, believes Sharaa has a 'real shot' at pulling it together. No doubt, because nothing screams diplomatic success like betting on a 'former rebel fighter' with a 'strong past'. Meanwhile, actual reporters were barred from the meeting, but hey, who needs transparency when you have such an airtight plan for world peace? But sure, let's normalize relations with Israel and deter terrorism while we're at it, because why not pile on more unrealistic expectations?

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#killing-democracy#full-stupid
imperialism

trump's new world (dis)order

Truman signs the Marshall Plan, blissfully unaware that decades later a reality TV star would try to undo it all with a magic wand of 'America First'.

Truman signs the Marshall Plan, blissfully unaware that decades later a reality TV star would try to undo it all with a magic wand of 'America First'.

Ah, the good ol' days when America's foreign policy was about 'supporting free peoples' and building a global order, rather than bulldozing it. Truman had a vision, a plan, and a purpose with the Marshall Plan, NATO, and the UN. Enter Trump's second term, where the only doctrine is 'America First'—which actually means 'America Alone'. Why play nice with allies or uphold international institutions when you can threaten to take over Greenland and the Panama Canal? Because nothing says 'diplomacy' like territorial ambitions.
In other words, the world is now a buffet, and Trump's just picking what he likes, leaving the messy cleanup for everyone else. So, while Truman's America built the table, Trump's America is flipping it over, sledgehammer in hand. Cheers to a future of isolationism and alienation!

Source: npr.org

#imperialism#fascism