The Trump Presidency Timeline
Documenting the chaos since day one. 234 entries and counting.
trump workshopped world war iii like a yelp review

Trump, fresh off bombing Iranian ships, explains that when it comes to war, the U.S. really hasn’t even started trying yet.
Source: nbcnews.com
trump exports freedom to iran via high‑explosive democracy

Trump, Netanyahu, and Pahlavi audition their latest regime-change reboot: now with 100% more dead civilians and the same old shah-branded merchandise.
Inside Iran, people who have survived the Islamic Republic’s prisons and firing squads are being told by Trump, Netanyahu, and Pahlavi to "rise up" and "take over your government" — from beneath falling bombs. The regime, which already executes activists as supposed US or Israeli agents, now gets to point at the airstrikes and say, "See? Foreign collaborators." Tens of thousands of protesters have already been killed, more than 50,000 arrested, including hundreds of children, but Washington’s reality show president keeps hitting the "uprising" button like it’s a broken elevator.
Meanwhile, parts of the monarchist diaspora are cheering the air war like it’s the Super Bowl, waving the shah’s old flag and chanting about killing mullahs, leftists, and Mojahedin — the same people the current regime has been executing for decades. The US and Israel don’t seem terrified of the dictatorship; they seem terrified of Iranians overthrowing it on their own, without a pre-installed king or a Pentagon logo. So the world’s most freedom-loving war machine is carefully managing regime change from above, while the people under the bombs are told they’re either with the foreign-backed saviors or with the torturers who run their prisons. Truly, American liberation has never looked so much like mass murder from 30,000 feet.
Source: theguardian.com
warmonger discovers consequences, demands a refund

Lindsey Graham, wondering why the region he helped set on fire isn’t more grateful for the opportunity to burn.
Lindsey Graham, America’s most enthusiastic unpaid defense lobbyist, is suddenly wondering if maybe, possibly, the US shouldn’t keep shoveling security guarantees and weapons at Saudi Arabia, since Riyadh has declined to jump into the Iran war he personally helped sell to Donald Trump between golf swings. The US embassy in Riyadh is being evacuated under Iranian fire, Americans are dying, civilians across the region are being blown apart, and Graham’s big takeaway is that the Saudis are being insufficiently enthusiastic about the carnage.
Graham posted on X to complain that the US is spending billions to “dislodge the terrorist Iranian regime” while Saudi Arabia is mostly issuing statements and doing “marginally helpful” things in the background. He then helpfully expanded the guilt trip to the entire Gulf Cooperation Council, warning that if they don’t get more involved in the war being fought in their “backyard”, “consequences will follow” — a phrase that always ends well when shouted by the guy who just helped light the region on fire.
This comes after the Trump administration bragged in 2025 about a $142bn arms package with Riyadh — the “largest defense cooperation agreement in US history” — and handed Saudi Arabia major non-NATO ally status, all while dangling a Japan-style mutual defense pact. Now the same crew that spent years arming and appeasing Mohammed bin Salman is shocked that he’d prefer Washington to do the heavy lifting while he issues sternly worded press releases from a safe distance.
The Wall Street Journal helpfully laid out how we got here: Graham spent months lobbying Trump for strikes on Iran, coordinating with retired general Jack Keane, neocon columnist Marc Thiessen, Israeli officials, and even chatting up MBS to signal that war was coming. Trump, ever the strategic thinker, was nudged along via TV hits and op-eds he saw on his phone. The result: Operation Epic Fury — yes, that’s the actual name, not a Mountain Dew flavor — which killed Iran’s supreme leader and senior officials, and so far has produced at least 1,255 dead in Iran (mostly civilians), nearly 400 dead in Lebanon, deaths across Gulf states, and seven dead US service members. Tens of thousands of Americans are being airlifted out of the region, and Lindsey Graham is online asking why his favorite autocracy isn’t pulling its weight in the disaster he helped engineer.
Source: theguardian.com
trump promises he's 'nowhere near' invading iran, which is extremely reassuring
Trump explains he’s 'nowhere near' invading Iran while standing on a runway surrounded by enough hardware to start three wars by accident.
Source: thehill.com
fox & friends goes full dr. strangelove at the pentagon

America’s ‘secretary of war’ explains that more dead troops and bombed schools just mean our resolve is strong and our gravity bombs are working as designed.
Pete Hegseth, the self-branded "secretary of war" and former Fox News couch ornament, went on 60 Minutes to calmly explain that yes, more Americans will die in Trump’s Iran adventure, but that’s just the price of "advancing American interests" and "protecting American lives"—which currently includes getting seven reservists killed in Kuwait by an Iranian drone strike. The message to military families: steel your spines, your kids are now inspirational props for Operation Epic Fury, a name that sounds like it was A/B tested on Xbox Live.
Having already promised "death and destruction from the sky all day long," Hegseth now brags that the bombing of Iran—3,000 targets and counting—is "only just the beginning" and that the US and Israel’s combined air forces haven’t even started the really fun part with 500lb, 1,000lb, and 2,000lb bombs. This is all totally not a regime-change war, he swears, even though the former Ayatollah is dead and Trump is demanding Iran’s "unconditional surrender" like he’s role‑playing Patton on Truth Social.
On the home front, Hegseth casually contradicts House speaker Mike Johnson’s fantasy that the US is "not at war" with Iran, because apparently even this administration can’t keep its propaganda straight. Meanwhile, Trump is blaming Iran for a deadly airstrike on an Iranian girls’ school that US investigators strongly suspect was done by US forces, while new footage shows what looks awfully like a Tomahawk missile in the neighborhood. Hegseth’s brave stance when pressed on the likely US strike on a school full of children: it’s "being investigated"—the Beltway version of hitting mute on a war crime.
Source: theguardian.com
trump discovers cuba, decides it also needs to starve for freedom

Woman in Havana bravely attempts the radical act of existing while the Trump administration tests how many blackouts it takes to achieve regime change.
While the world was still processing the kidnapping of Nicolás Maduro and the assassination of Ayatollah Khamenei, Trump apparently looked at a map, noticed Cuba still existed, and declared it an “unusual and extraordinary threat” to the United States. He slapped a national emergency on Havana and threatened tariffs to stop ships from delivering fuel, because nothing screams national security like making sure a Caribbean island can’t keep the lights on. Venezuela and Mexico, helpfully motivated by the whole “US attack on Venezuela” thing, promptly halted oil exports to Cuba, and now ordinary Cubans are enjoying 18-hour daily blackouts courtesy of American foreign policy.
On the ground, it’s textbook humanitarian cruelty dressed up as democracy promotion. Gasoline and diesel sales to the public: gone. Airline routes: cancelled. Inflation: spiking. The peso: tanking. People wake up in the middle of the night to cook, charge phones, and do chores in the few hours when power exists. Bakeries in Guantánamo are running on firewood, chicken prices are detonating, and community kitchens struggle to feed the poorest because Trump already kneecapped remittances and money transfers. Even Cubans who despise their own government don’t buy Washington’s line: everyone the reporter spoke to – teachers, farmers, small business owners, local officials – rejected the US measures outright. The blockade isn’t winning hearts and minds; it’s just unifying people against the country cutting off their power.
Meanwhile, Havana scrambles to privatize some state enterprises and lean into solar just to keep the country from collapsing, while Washington congratulates itself for being ‘tough on communism’ by making grandmothers cook by candlelight. Decades of sanctions already failed to topple the Cuban government, so naturally Trump’s answer is to double down and create a new “special period” that many Cubans say feels even worse. Regime change is once again less about changing regimes and more about proving the United States can still flip the switch on other people’s basic survival – all under the noble banner of freedom and tariffs.
Source: theguardian.com
pentagon plays battleship with 'narcoterrorists', hits due process instead

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth carefully explains that blowing up small boats without presenting evidence is totally fine because Trump said the magic words "armed conflict."
President Donald Trump has unilaterally decided the U.S. is in an "armed conflict" with Latin American cartels, which is convenient, because armed conflict comes with way fewer pesky things like warrants, trials, or proof. U.S. Southern Command has carried out more than 40 known strikes on small boats in the Eastern Pacific and Caribbean, while offering about as much transparency as a Mar-a-Lago classified documents storage room. Critics keep asking awkward questions about legality and effectiveness, especially since the fentanyl killing Americans mostly comes over land from Mexico, not from random boats the Navy is turning into confetti.
The administration is now trying to franchise the concept, urging Latin American leaders to join in on the extrajudicial fun and even teaming up with Ecuador for joint military operations against "organized crime groups." This is all happening while Trump is also busy waging a war on Iran, because if you're going to ignore Congress and international law, why limit yourself to one theater? The blowback got louder after it emerged that the U.S. killed survivors of the first boat strike with a follow-up attack; Republicans called it legal and necessary, while legal experts suggested the more technical term might be "murder" or possibly "war crime." So yes, the Trump presidency is going great: we've reinvented the drug war as offshore drone roulette, and the only thing being smuggled reliably is accountability.
Source: npr.org
trump auditions for 'supreme leader of everywhere'

Iran’s foreign minister politely pretending it’s normal that the U.S. president is trying to cast Iran’s next leader like a failed ‘Apprentice’ reboot.
Source: nbcnews.com
trump to uk: we don't need your help, just your bases

Trump explains that the US doesn’t need British help, just their runways, airspace, and geopolitical obedience.
Source: theguardian.com
shield of the americas, brought to you by trump national doral

Trump unveils his new hemispheric security architecture between the 9th and 10th holes, proving that all roads to regional stability run through the pro shop.
Source: theguardian.com
trump’s forever war gets a sequel, now with global assassination side quests

Trump staring at a map of the Middle East like it’s a restaurant menu, somehow surprised that ordering the Suleimani special came with a side of assassination plots and regional war.
The Trump show has officially gone international syndication. A Pakistani man, Asif Merchant, has been convicted in New York of plotting to kill Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and Nikki Haley at the direction of Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, as payback for Trump’s 2020 assassination of Qassem Suleimani. You remember that one: the bold, galaxy-brain strike that was absolutely not going to spark years of spiraling retaliation or turn US officials into walking targets worldwide. Flawless strategic foresight, as always.
The plot never got off the ground because someone Merchant tried to recruit did the thing the Secret Service wishes more Trump staffers would do: called law enforcement. Merchant claims he only joined the IRGC scheme to protect his family in Tehran, while Iran officially denies it targeted Trump or any US officials. Meanwhile, the trial conveniently kicked off just as Trump ordered a joint assault on Iran with Israel, which has already killed at least 1,332 Iranian civilians and wiped out a chunk of the country’s leadership, according to Tehran’s UN ambassador. Six US service members and at least 10 Israeli civilians are also dead, because the Forever War doesn’t do refunds, just sequels.
So we’ve got: Trump’s first-term drone assassination of Suleimani; Iran-linked plots to assassinate Trump and other US leaders on US soil; and now a region-wide war with a mounting civilian body count. But sure, tell us again how blowing up senior officials in foreign countries is a tidy, contained policy tool and not a long-term subscription to global vendetta politics. The only thing transcending national boundaries here is the sheer volume of terrible decisions.
Source: theguardian.com
cuban elf upgrades embargo from 'cruel' to 'medieval siege'

Marco Rubio explains how cutting off fuel, food and medicine to 11 million people is actually a bold stand for 'freedom,' as Trump roleplays 1960s Cold War villain on hard mode.
Source: theguardian.com
trump restores 'diplomacy' with the country he just bombed and looted

US officials smile for the cameras in Caracas while quietly measuring Venezuela for new pipelines, mine shafts, and a convenient democracy costume.
Doug Burgum — interior secretary and proud chair of the National Energy Dominance Council, which is definitely not the name of a Bond villain committee — just wrapped up a two-day trip to Caracas. He reports that interim president Delcy Rodríguez, conveniently elevated with Trump's blessing, is very eager to guarantee "security" for foreign mining companies and to open up the Orinoco Mining Arc, a region already crawling with armed groups. Washington now openly claims it "in effect runs Venezuela" and controls its vast natural resources, as long as Rodríguez keeps signing the right paperwork and rewriting oil and mining laws to let US firms strip-mine the place.
Energy secretary Chris Wright was there earlier to demand a "dramatic increase" in oil production and to rave about "tremendous opportunities" — for whom, he did not need to specify. Between the bombing raid, the regime change, the trial spectacle in New York, and the rush to lock in oil, gold, diamonds, and rare minerals, this isn't foreign policy so much as a live‑action corporate acquisition. Call it what it is: resource extraction with some consulates stapled on.
Source: theguardian.com
trump tries to bully spain into his next great middle east disaster

José María Aznar and George W Bush in 2003, back when Spain’s role was to smile for the camera and sign up for the wrong war on cue.
Source: theguardian.com
hegseth dusts off the monroe doctrine, threatens latin america with 'friendship'

Pete Hegseth explains that Latin America can either join America’s noble fight against 'narco-communism' or enjoy the deluxe unilateral freedom package previously tested in Venezuela.
Source: theguardian.com
trump admin to americans in west bank: thoughts, prayers, no sanctions

Marco Rubio, Pam Bondi, and Mike Huckabee carefully ignoring a stack of letters about dead Americans while polishing the "unshakeable alliance" brand.
Nasrallah Abu Siyam, a 19-year-old born in Philadelphia, was shot in February during a settler attack on Palestinian farmers while Israeli soldiers allegedly stood by, offered no aid, and made no arrests. He joins a grim roster that includes journalist Shireen Abu Akleh, protester Aysenur Ezgi Eygi, elderly detainee Omar Assad, arson victim Khamis al-Ayyada, and three minors. The Netanyahu government has produced zero accountability; the Trump administration has produced zero consequences – a real bipartisan effort in abandoning your own citizens.
The senators note that one of Trump's first acts on re-entering the White House was to revoke Biden-era sanctions on violent settlers, instantly lifting designations on 33 individuals and organizations. Shockingly, once the message "go wild" was sent from Washington, settler violence spiked and villages started emptying out under coordinated attacks, often with Israeli forces helping or just quietly supervising the ethnic cleansing. The State and Justice Departments, asked to comment on this pattern of Americans dying with no justice, responded with their now-standard position: radio silence.
Meanwhile, Pennsylvania's own John Fetterman somehow can't find the time to sign a letter about a Philadelphia-born American being killed, presumably because nothing must interfere with his brand as Israel's loudest hype man. The senators ask how many more Americans have to die before the administration takes "serious, credible steps" toward accountability. Given the track record, the Trump team appears to be workshopping a different question: how many can die before anyone in power does anything at all.
Source: theguardian.com
trump starts a war, offers coupons on the consequences

Behold: hundreds of tankers stuck in a geopolitical traffic jam while Trump tries to fix it with discount war insurance and a coupon code for naval escorts.
Donald Trump helped light the match on a US-Israel war with Iran, watched a fifth of the world's oil and gas get choked off at the Strait of Hormuz, and has now generously offered the US Navy as an armed DoorDash escort service for tankers "if necessary." Iran is threatening to literally "set fire" to ships, several vessels have already been fired on, and roughly 200 tankers are stranded in the Gulf. So naturally, Trump’s solution is to turn the US government into a cut‑rate insurance broker for maritime roulette.
He’s ordered the US International Development Finance Corporation to sell "political risk insurance and guarantees" for all maritime trade through the Gulf at a "very reasonable price"—which sounds a lot like: private profits, public underwriting, and taxpayers holding the bag for a crisis his own war helped trigger. Naval escorts are promised "as soon as possible," as if putting US warships between Iranian missiles and global oil flows has ever gone sideways before.
Experts, ever the buzzkills, point out that this won’t actually fix the tiny problem where ships don’t want to get shot, and that even US military intervention in the Red Sea didn’t convince shippers to sail into a missile testing range. But Trump is already brushing off the prospect of $100+ oil and spiking gas prices as just "for a little while," assuring everyone that once his war is done, prices will magically fall "lower than even before." Bold strategy: blow up regional stability, then promise the market will thank you later. What could possibly go wrong?
Source: bbc.com
stable genius declares trade war on spain mid‑press conference

Trump explains that NATO is like his personal HOA and Spain is getting fined for not lending him their backyard for an airstrike barbecue.
Trump then publicly ordered Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent to "cut off all dealings" with Spain, as if global trade flows and alliance structures are just another episode of his reality show. German Chancellor Friedrich Merz had the misfortune of standing next to him while he tried to turn a disagreement over bombing Iran into an impromptu economic war on Europe. America’s diplomatic strategy under Trump remains consistent: obey, or we’ll burn the relationship down and send Treasury to pour gasoline.
Source: bbc.com
fifa’s bald mascot for trumpian bloodsport

Trump patiently endures a speech from Gianni Infantino, who has just invented a peace prize on the spot in hopes that war crimes come with frequent flyer miles.
Source: theguardian.com
trump discovers new war dlc, speedruns iran
Screenshot of Trump’s latest foreign policy brainstorm: launching a war with Iran like he’s testing a new reality show pilot.
Source: nytimes.com