The Trump Presidency Timeline

Armed police shut down a street in Gibraltar so a convoy of blacked-out BMWs could deliver Donald Trump Jr to a law firm that caters to the ultra-rich, because nothing says “public servant’s family” like arriving at an offshore hub under police escort to pitch investment products. Officially, the Trumps once promised no foreign deals while daddy was in office; this term they just quietly set that on fire and started a worldwide cash-grab from the Balkans to Vietnam, with profits still flowing straight back to President Trump. In Gibraltar, Don Jr met with the territory’s chief minister and representatives of a Russian-born US businessman whose company both bankrolls Trump’s $300m White House ballroom and is building a £1.8bn AI data centre on the Rock. The Trumps have “no apparent stake” in that project, we’re told, but Jr was there to pitch investments in his own ventures, including 1789 Capital — a so-called “patriotic capitalism” fund that’s basically the financial wing of the MAGA movement. It quietly ballooned past $1bn while refusing to disclose its investors, even as the family’s income exploded from $51m to an estimated $864m in six months. Meanwhile, people who shovel money at the Trumps just keep coincidentally enjoying favorable treatment and VIP access, like the memecoin whales who literally bought themselves dinner with the president at his golf club. In other words: the First Family has turned the United States into a loyalty program where oligarchs, crypto bros, and AI war-profiteers can earn premium "Team Trump" status — complete with the aura of presidential protection — just by swiping their card often enough.

Trump has discovered a bold new form of economic policy: loot the public with record-high tariffs, then kick a tiny, highly branded slice back to the troops and call it freedom. In a primetime stunt apparently finalized "about 30 minutes" before he went on air — always what you want to hear about a $2.5bn policy — Trump announced a one-time, $1,776 "Warrior Dividend" to 1.45 million military members, allegedly funded by his tariff windfall. Because nothing says serious governance like picking your payout number off the Declaration of Independence. Under Trump, the average effective US tariff rate has blown up to 16.8%, the highest since 1935, costing households about $1,700 a year — but don't worry, he's sending $1,776 to the military and pretending that's not the same money he just extracted from everyone via higher prices. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court is weighing whether those tariffs were even legal in the first place and might have to be repaid, prompting Justice Amy Coney Barrett to politely note that this could be "a mess". Trump’s answer to that looming legal trainwreck is apparently to pre-spend the cash on a televised patriotism giveaway. Defense secretary Pete Hegseth jumped in with a propaganda video promising the checks would be tax-free and give "1776 a whole new modern meaning for our joint force", while basic questions — who qualifies, when it arrives, whether Congress has actually created a tax exemption — remain unanswered. Active duty? Guard? Reserve? Details are for losers; the hashtag is #WarriorDividend. All this is happening while Operation Southern Spear quietly amasses forces near Venezuela and US troops are taking casualties in Syria, but sure, the real priority is slapping a 1776 sticker on tariff money and calling it a win for the troops. In other words, Trump has turned the tariff regime into a campaign-branded cash cannon: jack up prices on everyone, funnel the proceeds into legally dubious "dividends" for politically useful groups, and dare the courts and Congress to untangle it later. It’s not fiscal policy, it’s a live-action rewards program for living in a failing petro-tariff monarchy — but with extra flags.

Trump Media & Technology Group, the company that turned losing money on a ghost-town social network into a lifestyle brand, is now merging with a Google-backed fusion energy firm in a deal magically valued at more than $6bn. Because nothing says "serious science" like handing board seats to Devin Nunes and Donald Trump Jr and calling it a day.

The plan, according to their joint statement, is to "create one of the world's first publicly traded fusion companies" and start building the "world's first utility-scale fusion power plant" next year. In other words: take a speculative, not-yet-commercial technology, strap it to a meme stock that bleeds cash, and aim it straight at the nearest retail investor’s brokerage account. TMTG will chip in up to $300m while continuing to post losses (a handy reminder that the only thing this operation reliably generates is bagholders).

The merged company will be 50/50 Trump Media and TAE, with a nine-member board including Nunes as co-CEO and Don Jr, because why wouldn’t you put the president’s son on the board of a company that stands to benefit from federal energy policy, subsidies, and regulatory approvals? Nunes is already promising this will "cement America's global energy dominance for generations," which is a very poetic way of saying: we’ve discovered a revolutionary new form of energy called pumping the stock with MAGA politics and hoping the SEC is asleep.

TAE has actually raised over $1.3bn from Google and Goldman Sachs, but now it’s hitching itself to Trump’s media clown car to "bring capital and public market access"—translation: leverage the presidency’s political cult to fund a very expensive science project. With AI data centers driving power demand and nuclear policy suddenly hot again, the president’s personal media vehicle just walked into the energy sector and parked a family-and-loyalist-run company right at the trough. But sure, this is about innovation, not building a taxpayer-adjacent fusion reactor for corruption.

What a delightful surprise! Senators Elizabeth Warren, Chris Van Hollen, and Richard Blumenthal have decided to investigate whether Silicon Valley's prized data centers are responsible for making your electricity bills go the way of Tesla stock—sky-high. Because, of course, nothing says "caring about the average American" like offloading your utility costs onto them, just as you rake in those sweet state and local tax benefits and play the 'trade secrets' card to keep everyone blissfully ignorant.

In a display of altruism worthy of a soap opera, Big Tech's giants are asked why bills are rising by as much as 267% in areas blessed with the presence of their data centers. Meanwhile, utility companies are giddily expanding infrastructure on the backs of the American taxpayer. But sure, data centers are totally not responsible for powering hundreds of thousands of homes without a hitch while simultaneously soaking up electricity like it's Black Friday. Bravo, tech overlords—your commitment to both secrecy and environmental destruction is truly unparalleled.

In a heartwarming display of class and empathy, Trump took to Truth Social to express his condolences for the late Rob Reiner by diagnosing him posthumously with Trump Derangement Syndrome. Because nothing spells out a 'Golden Age of America' like dragging a grieving family through the mud. Reiner, a vocal critic of Trump, was described as having a 'raging obsession,' which, in other words, means he dared to disagree with the infallible leader of the free world. Even Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump's former ally, found the remarks distasteful, but sure, let's make it about TDS.

Donald Trump, the self-proclaimed peace whisperer, is once again patting himself on the back for a series of 'peace deals' that are, well, unraveling faster than you can say 'Nobel Peace Prize'. From the oh-so-stable agreements between Thailand and Cambodia to the 'glorious triumph' in Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo, Trump proves that nothing says long-lasting peace like a photo op and some empty promises. As former U.S. ambassador Ivo Daalder puts it, resolving deeply rooted conflicts requires more than just signing a piece of paper in Washington—who knew? But sure, let's applaud the man for his groundbreaking 'ceasefires', which are basically just pauses in the chaos waiting to explode again. Bravo, Mr. Trump, bravo.

In the latest episode of 'Trump's America,' former President Trump is hosting a dinner for the top 220 holders of his own memecoin. Because why build a statesman legacy when you can dine with crypto whales and pocket a cool $320 million in trading fees? The ethical minefield here is as vast as Trump's ego—an administration shaping crypto regulations while deeply mired in the crypto world itself. In other words, it's like letting the fox run the henhouse and then charge admission for the eggs. Attendees, identified only by their crypto wallet addresses (how mysterious), have reportedly spent millions for a chance to wine and dine with the man himself. But sure, they're just 'investment opportunities' and not, you know, pay-for-play access to power. Meanwhile, Trump's World Liberty Financial ventures into stablecoins, because nothing says 'financial stability' like a currency tied to a reality TV star's whims. Let's just call this what it is: Trump's crypto circus ensuring the grift continues, one memecoin at a time.

Elon Musk, the self-anointed czar of the 'Department of Government Efficiency', is bringing his Silicon Valley magic to Washington, D.C. In an ingenious move that defies all logic, Musk is slashing federal jobs under the guise of cutting costs. Because nothing demonstrates fiscal responsibility like gutting government services when personnel costs are a measly 4% of the federal budget.

But sure, let's pretend that firing thousands of workers is about saving money and not about dismantling government agencies for kicks. After all, when your goals align with Trump's vendetta against the "deep state," why let facts or fiscal realities get in the way of a good purge? Musk's strategy seems less about efficiency and more about satisfying an old Republican fantasy of shrinking the government until it fits in a bathtub. Bold move, Elon.

Trump’s latest grift? A meme coin that scammed investors out of $2 billion. The ex-reality star turned president launched $Trump, a cryptocurrency he hyped up on Truth Social, promising a “very special Trump Community.” And it was special—if you got in early. The first traders cashed out with insane profits, including one lucky degenerate who made $109 million in two days. But for the 810,000+ wallets now deep in the red, it’s looking a lot like another classic Trump business model: hype it up, let the suckers buy in, and walk away with the cash. Meanwhile, Trump and his family pocketed over $100 million in trading fees—all while working to gut crypto regulations that could hold them accountable. But hey, if you lost your life savings on $Trump, maybe you just should’ve done your own research.

when battling historic wildfires, the real priority is semantics. FEMA workers in California have been ordered to replace terms like "migrant" with "alien" and "gender" with "sex," following a Trump administration directive to purge so-called "radical gender ideology" from federal communications. One FEMA employee aptly dubbed this linguistic overhaul as "the most 1984 email I've ever seen." Apparently, in the midst of disaster response, nothing says efficiency like a good old-fashioned Newspeak update.

In a move that surely screams 'I'm doing this for America', President Trump has plunged into the world of cryptocurrency with a meme coin featuring an image of himself during an assassination attempt—because nothing spells 'great investment' like buying a coin with a picture of a near-tragedy. As if that wasn't enough, he's keeping a cool 800 million of these coins for himself and his cronies. Who needs ethics when there's a potential billion-dollar payday on the line?

Meanwhile, Melania decided to dip her toe in the crypto chaos with her own meme coin, causing Trump coin's value to take a nosedive. Apparently, the crypto world is peeved that their strategy of pumping money into Trump is backfiring as he's cashing in on the meme frenzy himself. A classic case of leopards eating their faces. But sure, let's pretend the real issue here isn't the blatant conflicts of interest as Trump's handpicked SEC pals tailor regulations to suit his meme economy. Because, of course, the rules should be written by someone launching meme coins from the Oval Office.

Pardoned from his life sentence for running the Silk Road black market marketplace and for various murder for hire plots, Ross Ulbricht is now free, and guess what!? the feds have been sitting on over 6 billion dollars worth of crypto currency, that they could release back to him and he can then sell and maybe even funnel some to trump via his stupid fucking memeshitcoin

Not to be outdone, Melania Trump has entered the crypto game with her very own meme coin. Perfect for anyone who’s ever wanted to say, “I trust my financial future to the lady who auctioned off a hat.” It’s a natural fit—crypto is notoriously opaque, and Melania’s public persona is a masterclass in mystery. Is it a savvy business move or just another attempt to cash in on her last name? Either way, it seems the Trumps have figured out that if you can’t mine for votes, you can at least mine for coins.