The Trump Presidency Timeline

Ah yes, the ol’ “just walk in and take control” method of governance. Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (Doge)—because nothing says efficiency like storming federal agencies unannounced—reportedly waltzed into NOAA headquarters demanding access to IT systems. This tracks, considering Project 2025 already has NOAA on its hit list for daring to provide public climate data instead of funneling it to private corporations. Because who needs life-saving weather forecasts when we could be paying a premium for hurricane alerts? Former NOAA official Andrew Rosenberg summed it up best: they have no authority, no transparency, and no plan—except to bulldoze, dare anyone to stop them, and hope the damage is irreversible. Classic smash-and-grab governance. Meanwhile, NOAA staff, marine conservationists, and anyone with a functioning brain are pointing out that gutting the agency will lead to overfishing, increased seafood fraud, and, oh yeah, fewer storm warnings—so good luck with that next tornado outbreak. As for NOAA? They’re deferring questions to the Department of Commerce, which, in true government efficiency fashion, is responding with the digital equivalent of a blank stare.

David A. Lebryk, the highest-ranking career official at the U.S. Treasury Department, just retired abruptly after a reported clash with elmos “Department of Government Efficiency” (DOGE) - stupid fucking name by the way - over access to the federal payment system—aka the infrastructure that handles $6 trillion in transactions for Social Security, Medicare, tax refunds, and government contracts. elmo surrogates have apparently been pushing for direct access to the system since the election, and with fascist freddy's executive order mandating “full access” for DOGE, that push just got a lot more aggressive. Why exactly they want their hands on the nation’s financial arteries? Unclear. But given elmos history of playing fast and loose with power, legal experts are sounding the alarm. As one former Treasury official put it: “This is a mechanical job… it’s never been used to execute a partisan agenda.” Until now. With Musk’s growing influence over the administration—and his newfound obsession with slashing government spending—this fight over who controls America’s money is just getting started. We are so cooked

President Trump, in his unparalleled quest for a merit-based military, has signed an executive order to eradicate those pesky diversity, equity, and inclusion programs. Because nothing says 'combat readiness' like ignoring systemic issues and reverting to the good ol' days of monochrome leadership. In other words, if it ain't broke, break it and call it a win. Not to be outdone, Trump's order also mandates that the military stop teaching about America's 'racist or sexist' founding documents—history? who needs it!—and instead sing praises of these documents as the greatest force for good in the world. Meanwhile, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has 90 days to find the DEI programs hiding in the Pentagon's broom closet and report back. Here's to solving military issues with the wisdom of 'just don't talk about it.'

In a shocking turn of events, Trump has pardoned nearly all those convicted in relation to the January 6 insurrection, because nothing says 'law and order' like a get out of jail free card for your most loyal rioters. Historians, those pesky truth-keepers, are sounding alarm bells about the normalization of political violence—but sure, why listen to the experts when you can keep playing the strongman handbook? Ruth Ben-Ghiat, a historian who studies authoritarian regimes, notes that this move is right out of the autocrat playbook, used by none other than Mussolini and Pinochet. In other words, Trump is now doing his best impression of failed fascist leaders. But hey, remember when political violence was just a one-off event? Now it's a regularly scheduled part of American life, just like Thanksgiving, but with less family drama and more threats to democracy.