The Trump Presidency Timeline

another heartwarming chapter in the saga of Elon Musk and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Transparency. As Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) steamrolls its way through federal agencies like a billionaire-funded frat party with admin privileges, the world’s richest man and his newly acquired Justice Department lapdogs have a dire warning: Say our names, and we’ll make you pay. After Wired had the audacity to publish the names of six of Musk’s fresh-faced wrecking crew—tech bros barely old enough to rent a car but somehow entrusted with U.S. Treasury systems—Musk predictably lost his mind. The supposed free speech absolutist quickly labeled the act a crime (which it is not) and then used his personal authoritarian playground, X, to scrub the post. But why stop at tech censorship when you can weaponize the Justice Department? Enter Ed Martin, Trump’s hand-picked D.C. U.S. Attorney, who not only backed Musk’s tantrum but also threatened vague legal action against anyone who so much as inconveniences DOGE staffers. Because obviously, the biggest threat to national security right now is people knowing that a gang of unqualified Silicon Valley interns is playing God with federal finances. To make things even better, Martin—who, fun fact, just fired 30 federal prosecutors who worked on January 6 cases—has decided that exposing government employees engaged in dubious actions is the real crime. His bizarre love letter to Musk promises full legal retaliation against those who “impede” DOGE’s work, as if people should be grateful that their Social Security payments are now managed by guys who would normally be troubleshooting their failed crypto startups. Meanwhile, the internet has responded with the kind of raw, unfiltered judgment you’d expect, as memes circulate featuring the fresh-faced DOGE operatives with captions like “Mamas, come get your babies out of our government.” Even Musk fanboys seem torn, with some in awe that government infiltration is apparently this easy. But let’s be real—this isn’t about protecting public servants from threats. It’s about Musk and Trump trying to operate in the shadows while dismantling institutions they don’t like. And now, they’re turning to weaponized law enforcement to silence anyone who dares to say the quiet part out loud. So, while DOGE hijacks federal agencies and democracy itself, just remember: If you expose the people running the coup, you’re the real criminal.

Ed Martin, the administration’s handpicked D.C. U.S. Attorney, just axed 30 prosecutors who worked on Jan. 6 cases, calling their hiring a “subversive” act. His next move? Investigating the investigators and making sure the DOJ bends to the whims of President Ferrethead. Martin, a “Stop the Steal” organizer and MAGA firebrand, has wasted no time gutting the Capitol riot prosecution team, replacing leadership, and demanding loyalty from subordinates—or else. His office is also probing Chuck Schumer for a years-old speech the big guy didn’t like, because apparently, that’s the real threat to democracy. Veteran prosecutors warn this is a full-scale politicization of justice, but the regime’s loyalists are celebrating. One of their legal enforcers, Mike Davis, gleefully declared Jan. 6 prosecutors should “live in fear.” Mission accomplished. Martin’s history? Fired for scandal in Missouri, embraced by the MAGA machine, and now in charge of 360 prosecutors with a mandate to punish the enemies of the regime. D.C.’s top law enforcement office isn’t about law anymore—it’s about obedience.

In a totally normal and not at all suspicious move, federal prosecutors in Nashville have been pulled from the criminal case against Tennessee Rep. Andy Ogles, a MAGA loyalist under FBI investigation for allegedly faking a $320,000 personal loan to his 2022 campaign. The case is now being fully handled by the DOJ in D.C., a convenient shift right after the administration forced out the longtime head of the DOJ’s public corruption unit. Meanwhile, Ogles has been busy trying to ingratiate himself with the regime, introducing nonsense resolutions to let the big guy run for a third term and even pushing for a U.S. takeover of Greenland. For context, New York’s George Santos got indicted for basically the same thing and ended up resigning in disgrace. But Ogles? He might be off the hook—especially since the administration just dropped another GOP fraud case in Nebraska and is busy purging anyone who prosecuted the wrong people. At this rate, expect a new wave of pardons, dropped cases, and reassignments—because justice is for enemies, not allies.

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted, President Trump is already enacting policies from the conservative Project 2025 just two weeks into his second term. You know, the same policies he distanced himself from on the campaign trail, calling them 'absolutely ridiculous.' Because nothing says political integrity like denouncing a plan and then implementing it once in office. With Russ Vought, the former architect of this playbook, back at the helm of the Office of Management and Budget, Trump's administration is diving right into proposals like ending birthright citizenship and freezing federal hiring. In other words, they're taking a page—or 900—to reshape the federal government just like they swore they wouldn't. Meanwhile, Democrats, led by Chuck Schumer, are engaging in the time-honored tradition of outrage, though whether that outrage will translate into action is, as always, questionable at best. The White House, naturally, claims any overlap between Trump’s ‘promises’ and Project 2025 is purely coincidental. Because why bother with consistency when you can just gaslight an entire nation instead? In the grand tradition of ‘do as I say, not as I do,’ Trump’s early days in office are shaping up to be a veritable buffet of fascinating contradictions.

raising eyebrows and alarm bells, President Trump plans to fire inspectors general across federal agencies, the very people tasked with rooting out corruption, fraud, and abuse. Because, apparently, who needs watchdogs when you can let the fox guard the henhouse? Critics warn this would undermine transparency, reduce oversight, and pave the way for unchecked power. After all, if there’s no one left to investigate misconduct, does it even count as corruption? The administration seems keen to find out.