ai, burgers, and bribes: america’s finest buy a piece of trump
Trump signs an AI executive order while tech billionaires calculate the ROI on their latest $10 million 'conversation starter.'
Donald Trump enters his second decade as the main character of American decline, and suddenly a bunch of very rich people discover a deep, heartfelt commitment to…writing seven- and eight-figure checks to his super PAC. More than a dozen donors who had never come close to this level of political giving before 2024 are now dropping $1 million or more into MAGA Inc. — after Trump wins, while he’s governing, and exactly when their companies and families just happen to have major business, federal contracts, regulatory problems, or prison sentences on the line. But sure, this is all about “democracy” and “innovation.”
OpenAI president Greg Brockman and his wife each cut $12.5 million checks to MAGA Inc., right as Trump rolls out an AI agenda written on Palantir letterhead and an executive order preempting pesky state AI regulations. Brockman solemnly explains on X that this is about “responsible AI” and “constructive dialogue,” because nothing says responsible governance like quietly handing $25 million to the guy who just gave your industry everything it wanted by fiat. Palantir CEO Alexander Karp also suddenly finds $1 million for MAGA Inc. (on top of $1 million for the inaugural) while his surveillance company is hoovering up high-profile federal contracts, including for Trump’s immigrant-tracking obsession. In other words: the government cuts the checks, he cuts the checks, everyone’s happy — except the people being tracked.
Then there’s William Ford of General Atlantic, who casually bumps his giving from five figures to $1.25 million right before Trump takes office, while he sits on the board of ByteDance — the TikTok parent company that was supposed to be banned in the U.S. until Trump graciously delayed the hammer. Miraculously, ByteDance gets time to arrange a cushy American joint venture sale. Other new megadonors, like private equity guy Konstantin Sokolov and In‑N‑Out’s Lynsi Snyder‑Ellingson, join the fun, some with relatives staring down long federal prison sentences. And because this is America, all of this is technically legal: just a bunch of patriotic billionaires independently deciding to give life-changing sums to a president who just happens to control their contracts, regulations, and loved ones’ futures.
So no, this isn’t bribery, it’s just the free market in action: Trump sells access and policy, and the donor class finally stops pretending their money isn’t a down payment on government favors. Campaign finance reform is for suckers; real players just buy the presidency wholesale.
#corruption#forever-grifting
nothing says populism like a 400 million dollar white house ballroom
Artist’s rendering of the new White House ballroom, where ethics go to die under 40-foot ceilings paid for by anonymous billionaires.
The Trump White House has unveiled plans for its very own Versailles cosplay: a 20,000-square-foot, 40-foot-high, 1,000-seat ballroom grafted onto a brand-new 89,000-square-foot East Wing, because nothing says humble servant of the people like building yourself an indoor rally palace the size of a Costco. The project has already conveniently doubled in cost to about $400 million, but don't worry, it's "privately funded" by mystery donors who definitely aren't expecting anything in return from the sitting president.
In a fun little constitutional side quest, the administration already broke ground before submitting plans to the National Capital Planning Commission and without getting approval from Congress for building on federal parkland in D.C., which the National Trust for Historic Preservation points out is, minor detail, required by law. A judge declined to pause the construction, and now the plans are being reviewed by a board chaired by Trump staff secretary Will Scharf and stacked with Trump allies, because nothing screams "independent oversight" like letting the president’s own loyalists greenlight his $400 million ego bunker.
The new wing will come with a commercial-grade kitchen, streamlined guest entrance, and better delivery access to "reduce operational stress" on the historic building—in other words, the White House is being reengineered to function as a permanent Trump event space. Outside, activists protested; inside, corporate donors like Comcast (parent company of NBCUniversal) are on the list of top funders, though no one will say how much they gave. But sure, this is all just about "efficiency" and "symmetry," not about converting the seat of American democracy into a luxury venue for the Dear Leader’s next campaign fundraiser.
#corruption#forever-grifting
trump discovers bribery indictments are for party-switching, not crime
Trump explains that pardons are sacred instruments of justice, right up until the moment the recipient forgets to join his fan club.
Donald Trump pardoned Democratic Rep. Henry Cuellar on federal bribery, wire fraud, and money laundering charges — and is now endorsing a Republican to take Cuellar’s seat because the guy he rescued from a 28-count indictment had the audacity to keep the same party registration. In other words, the former president is openly explaining that the price of a pardon is not innocence, but fealty.
Trump is backing Webb County Judge Tano Tijerina, a former Democrat who did the traditional MAGA conversion ritual — switching parties live on Fox News — and is now "honored" to have Trump's support to "take South Texas back." Meanwhile, Cuellar is out here thanking Trump for the pardon like a hostage reading a prepared statement, while Trump rants on Truth Social that Cuellar's decision to run as a Democrat is an unforgivable act of "disloyalty" and that he "should not be allowed to serve in Congress again." Because nothing says "rule of law" like the guy who just wiped your alleged $600,000 bribery scheme demanding you change teams or get politically destroyed.
Trump even posted letters from Cuellar’s daughters begging for pardons for their parents, then used them as Exhibit A in his case that the Justice Department was mean and political, while he, the man trading clemency for loyalty, is somehow the guardian of justice. He insists he’d still pardon Cuellar again — he just wants him "beaten badly" at the ballot box now that he’s failed the loyalty exam. So yes, the president is flatly admitting that pardons are personal favors, elections are punishment tools, and party affiliation is the only crime that really matters — but sure, tell us again how this is all about "weaponization" of justice by someone else.
#corruption#forever-grifting#killing-democracy
leopards ate my face, says woman who campaigned for leopards
Marjorie Taylor Greene, freshly trampled by the Trump train she helped drive, explaining she was 'naive' to think the guy screaming about revenge and loyalty oaths wasn’t in it for himself and his Epstein-adjacent friends.
Marjorie Taylor Greene has discovered, very late in the series finale, that Donald Trump is not actually a humble servant of the working class but a raging narcissist who openly declares, "I hate my opponent, and I don’t want the best for them." In other words, the quiet part has been on a bullhorn for ten years and she’s just now hearing it.
Greene says she had her big come-to-Jesus moment watching Charlie Kirk’s widow publicly forgive her husband’s killer, only for Trump to stomp onstage and announce that forgiveness is for suckers. That, she says, showed he has no faith. Not the attempted coup, not the family-separation policy, not the pandemic death cult, not the endless grift—the line was mean words at a memorial service. But sure, that’s the bright red line.
The real fireworks come when she describes her final break with the White House over the vote to release the Jeffrey Epstein investigative files. After meeting victims and deciding maybe the sex-trafficking blackmail ring of America’s ruling class should see daylight, Greene says Trump called her and yelled that "my friends will get hurt" if those files come out. Because nothing says "man of the people" like trying to bury evidence to protect your billionaire pals from consequences.
Now Greene, who once screamed that Democrats were traitors and cheered on the MAGA purge, is shocked to find herself "radioactive" and exiled from both parties. She insists she hasn’t changed her views, she’s just "matured" and discovered that Washington is broken and run for the benefit of rich, powerful elites doing horrible things and getting away with it. Which, awkwardly, is exactly the thing she helped build, defended, and voted for—until the machine finally turned on her too. The leopards-ate-my-face caucus claims another alumni speaker.
#corruption#leopards-ate-my-face
epstein files drop, sharpies attack
A heavily redacted document sits on a desk, bravely shielding the reputations of the very people who keep telling you law and order is their top priority.
The redacted Epstein files are out, which is Washington-speak for: "Here is a stack of black rectangles where accountability was supposed to be." The public gets a government-issued Rorschach test, and surprise, it still looks like a decades-long protection racket for powerful creeps. Because nothing says "we take this seriously" like turning key names and details into a CIA-approved blackout poem.
All this lands while Trump is already under fire for his stellar handling of the economy — you know, the one where working people get vibes and volatility while billionaires get tax cuts and bailouts. In other words, it's business as usual: the rich and connected float above the law in a sea of redactions, and everyone else gets to argue about gas prices while wondering which of their "leaders" needed that many pages blacked out.
#corruption#killing-democracy
pam bondi, death penalties, and her totally coincidental unitedhealth buddies
Pam Bondi, carefully weighing the evidence, her conscience, and her old lobbying client list—guess which one wins.
Pam Bondi is back, and somehow the conflict of interest is the least subtle thing in the room. The Trump attorney general is pushing for the death penalty against Luigi Mangione, accused of killing UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, while defense lawyers politely point out that Bondi only just came from a cushy gig at Ballard Partners, the lobbying firm that represents Thompson’s parent company, UnitedHealth Group. But sure, no need to worry about bias when the nation’s top prosecutor is fresh off the payroll of the victim’s corporate mothership.
Bondi, who spent her post-Florida-AG years cashing checks from Trump megadonor Brian Ballard’s shop, insists this is all about justice and Making America Safe Again, not about executing the guy who allegedly shot a client-adjacent CEO of her old firm. She announced the death penalty decision in a press release that sounded more like a campaign rally than a legal document, prompting the judge to gently remind the Justice Department that openly poisoning the jury pool is still frowned upon. Mangione’s lawyers now want the death penalty off the table, some charges tossed, and evidence suppressed, arguing that maybe—just maybe—the government shouldn’t try to kill someone in a case marinated in financial ties and political grandstanding.
Federal prosecutors, naturally, say this is all overblown, that intense publicity is not a “constitutional defect,” and that calling this a constitutional crisis is just defense-lawyer melodrama. In other words: the AG’s ex-lobbyist connections, her corporate-adjacent history, her MAGA-flavored soundbites about executing the defendant, and a judge warning her to stop talking are all just business as usual in Trump’s justice system. Because nothing says impartial rule of law like a death penalty decision that doubles as a press hit for your old lobbying network.
#corruption#killing-democracy
billionaire space tourist now in charge of actual space agency, what could go wrong
Jared Isaacman, billionaire space tourist, practices looking very serious about public service while auditioning to turn NASA into SpaceX’s in‑house customer service department.
NASA is now being run like a frequent-flyer rewards program for billionaires. The Senate confirmed Jared Isaacman — a 42-year-old e‑commerce mogul and repeat SpaceX customer with exactly zero federal experience — to lead the nation’s space agency on a 67–30 vote. Every "no" vote was a Democrat, because nothing says "nonpartisan science agency" like ramming through Trump’s favorite private astronaut who literally buys his way onto rockets.
This "turbulent chapter" began when Trump pre‑announced Isaacman as one of his first second-term picks, bragging on Truth Social that Isaacman’s passion for "Space" (capital S, of course) and the "new Space economy" made him perfect to run NASA — in other words, the guy who pays SpaceX is now in charge of deciding how much NASA pays SpaceX. During his hearing, Isaacman tried to downplay his ties to Elon Musk but wouldn’t even say whether Musk was in the room when Trump offered him the job, because transparency is for poor people who can’t afford launch vehicles.
Then Trump abruptly yanked Isaacman’s nomination in May, the exact same week Musk bailed on his DOGE sinecure, and later explicitly blamed Isaacman’s past donations to Democrats. So the White House used NASA’s top job as a political punishment tool, then circled back and confirmed the same guy once the vibes improved. Meanwhile, the administration is obsessed with risky, Musk‑flavored Mars fantasies while Artemis — the actual program to return humans to the Moon — gets turned into set dressing for a billionaire space cosplay feud.
So to recap: Trump, fresh off weaponizing the nomination over partisan donations, hands control of NASA to a Mars‑curious billionaire closely tied to Musk, with a mandate to push the "new Space economy" from inside the government. It’s not a conflict of interest, you see — it’s just vertical integration of public science into the private rocket bros’ portfolio.
#corruption#forever-grifting#killing-democracy
fbi’s #2 ‘own-the-libs’ guy taps out, wants his grievance mic back
Dan Bongino, briefly cosplaying as a serious federal law enforcement official before returning to his natural habitat: monetized grievance screaming.
Dan Bongino, the man who once proudly declared his entire life was about “owning the libs”, is reportedly stepping down as FBI deputy director — because nothing says serious, apolitical federal law enforcement like putting a professional rage-podcaster in charge and then watching him quit to go back to yelling into a camera for ad revenue.
Trump, doing personnel management the only way he knows how — yelling on a tarmac — told reporters that Bongino “did a great job” and that he “wants to go back to his show.” In other words, the guy who helped Kash Patel run the FBI like a Truth Social comments section is heading back to the content mines, presumably after deciding that actual work, ethics rules, and not being able to monetize every brain-melting rant was a bridge too far.
Bongino, who once melted down on Fox about how much he sacrificed to take the job and how lonely he was in DC, is now quietly telling people he’s out early in the new year and won’t even bother going back to HQ this month. The FBI, now so thoroughly politicized it makes Hoover look like a civil service reformer, declined to comment — which is fair, because what do you even say after you made a deputy director out of a guy whose brand is screaming about the “deep state” he then helped run?
#corruption#killing-democracy
trump's international narco-pardon extravaganza
Farmers in Honduras, clearly *thrilled* by Trump's pardon, take to the streets to express their gratitude in the most sarcastic way possible.
In a bold move to ensure international chaos, President Donald Trump has pardoned former Honduran President Juan Orlando Hernández, a convicted cocaine trafficker. Honduras, ever the spoilsport, has requested Hernández's arrest, citing minor inconveniences like fraud and money laundering charges. Because nothing says 'I'm tough on crime' quite like releasing a key player in a global drug trade. In other words, Trump has managed to redefine 'law and order' in ways we never thought possible.
#corruption#lawlessness
trump liberates honduran drug lord in bold move for 'law and order'
Hernández delivers a speech—probably about how unfairly he was treated, bless his heart.
Ah, nothing screams commitment to fighting narcotrafficking quite like pardoning Juan Orlando Hernández, the ex-Honduran president convicted for his role in a massive drug-trafficking conspiracy. In a move only a true stable genius would conjure, Trump has set free the man responsible for saturating the U.S. with cocaine—because what's a little narco-state when you've got a buddy who moved an embassy for you? Roger Stone lent his lobbying prowess to the mix, delivering a heartfelt letter claiming Hernández was simply the victim of 'lawfare by the Biden-Harris administration.' In other words, it's not drug trafficking if you can blame it on your political enemies. But sure, Trump loves law and order, just maybe not as much as he enjoys a good old-fashioned hypocrisy parade.
#corruption#lawlessness
pardon my hypocrisy: drug lords get a free pass
Ah, the face of justice: pardoning drug lords while playing Battleship in the Caribbean.
In the latest twist of the Trump saga, it seems that Operation Hypocrisy is going full steam ahead. President Trump, that bastion of law and order, is busy pardoning former Honduran president and convicted drug trafficker Juan Orlando Hernandez. Meanwhile, his administration is having a field day blowing up alleged 'drug boats' in the Caribbean and Pacific. Because nothing screams irony like pardoning a drug kingpin while declaring war on their supply chain.
But wait, there's more! Bipartisan support is somehow simmering for a congressional review of these explosions, especially after reports suggest at least one strike might be a war crime. War crimes: the newest accessory for any fashionable authoritarian regime. And as if the Trump administration wasn't doing enough to undermine public health, they've decided to skip commemorating World AIDS Day for the first time since 1988. Because when it comes to fighting HIV and AIDS, who needs awareness campaigns when you can have radio silence?
#corruption#lawlessness
trump's pardon party: jan. 6 edition
Picture perfect: Trump supporters gently 'breaking through' a police barrier at the Capitol, as if they were asking for directions.
In an inspiring move to support those pushing the boundaries of the law in his name, Donald Trump has pardoned two more individuals tied to the Jan. 6 riot. One, Suzanne Ellen Kaye, who showcased her love for the Second Amendment by threatening to shoot FBI agents, is now free to practice her 'disfavored First Amendment political speech' without pesky repercussions.
The second pardon went to Daniel Edwin Wilson, a man with a legally prohibited firearms collection worthy of a small militia. Because, apparently, if the search starts with Jan. 6, why should it matter what they find? In other words, the justice system should just look the other way.
Clearly, nothing screams 'law and order' like pardoning those with a penchant for threatening agents and stockpiling arsenals.
#corruption#lawlessness#killing-democracy
pardons for pals: trump's second-term 'mercy'
Trump, the modern-day monarch, signing clemency orders like it's going out of style.
President Trump is back at it with his second-term greatest hits of clemency, this time pardoning a who's who of political cronies and cryptocurrency comrades. Rudy Giuliani, Mark Meadows, and even George Santos, the wire fraud aficionado, have all received the get out of jail free card from the Don himself. Because nothing says justice like bailing out your buddies. Changpeng Zhao, the ex-Binance CEO with ties to the Trump family business, also made the list—though Trump claims he doesn't know him. In other words, the Trump 'prerogative of mercy' is more of a 'prerogative of keeping friends and business connections out of orange jumpsuits'.
#corruption#lawlessness
trump's drug war: rhetoric up, kingpins out
Trump promises to free Ross Ulbricht, the tech entrepreneur who turned 'Silk Road' into the Amazon of illegal drugs. Because nothing screams freedom like a dark web drug bazaar.
In a move that screams consistency, President Trump is simultaneously escalating his drug war rhetoric while pardoning drug kingpins left and right. How to make sense of such a strategy? Easy: don't. On one hand, Trump wants to bring back the death penalty for fentanyl dealers because they are getting off with a "slap on the wrist," and on the other hand, he's pardoning drug lords like Larry Hoover, a man with a résumé that reads like a gangster's greatest hits album. Because nothing says 'tough on crime' like setting free the guy who led one of the most violent drug syndicates in American history. But sure, let's call this strategy 'mixed signals' and 'chaos' as Jeffrey Singer of the Cato Institute politely puts it—because admitting it's an absolute farce would just be too honest.
#corruption#lawlessness
trump courts meme coin maestros at high-stakes steak night
Trump hosting his crypto fan club: Who knew ethics could be so profitable?
Ah, nothing like a classy dinner at a Trump golf club to reaffirm one's commitment to ethics and decorum in America's highest office. In a move that clearly screams 'conflict-of-interest-free zone', President Trump cozied up to the top 220 investors of his very own meme coin. Because if there's one thing the Trump presidency has been about, it's definitely not making money off of being president—right Karoline Leavitt?
Of course, these meme coin investors are all anonymous crypto wizards, known only by cryptic names like Sun and Meow, clearly the epitome of transparency. And who wouldn't want to share a table with Justin Sun, the crypto entrepreneur under SEC investigation? But sure, the White House assures us that Trump's assets are in a blind trust, because why would we ever doubt that?
Meanwhile, as crypto-friendly regulation efforts flounder under the weight of Trump's newfound love affair with digital coins, let's just all pretend this isn't another day in the life of Trump's America: Where Laws and Ethics Go to Die.
#corruption#crypto#forever-grifting
trump's middle east diplomacy: confusing friends and delighting enemies
Trump's Middle East Tour: Confusing Allies, Winning Hearts in Unlikely Places
President Trump, ever the diplomatic virtuoso, has decided to lift sanctions on Syria, much to the delight of Damascus and the utter bewilderment of Israel. In his inimitable style, Trump praised Syria's new leader as a 'young, attractive guy,' because nothing screams geopolitical strategy like a presidential crush. Meanwhile, Israelis are left scratching their heads, wondering if their longtime ally has suddenly developed a penchant for making new friends in questionable places. In other words, who knew international relations could be this much fun?
Syria's President Ahmed al-Sharaa, riding the wave of newfound American love, declares his desire for peace with Israel—a sentiment that must have gone over great in Tel Aviv, where the previous administration was still labeled as, you know, terrorists. But sure, peace is just a stone's throw away, right after Israel wraps up those lingering airstrikes in Gaza. All in all, another day in the Middle East where Trump's foreign policy brilliance truly shines... depending on which way you're looking.
#full-stupid
scotus greenlights bigotry in uniform
Col. Bree Fram, posing for a Space Force portrait, probably reflecting on which galaxy's military would actually value her service.
In a dazzling display of legal acrobatics, the Supreme Court just gift-wrapped Trump his long-desired ban on transgender military service members, because nothing says 'support the troops' like forcing them out of the military for their gender identity. Col. Bree Fram of the Space Force, who apparently thought being highly trained and capable was enough to keep serving her country, is now faced with the oh-so-generous choice to 'voluntarily separate' before getting the boot. In other words, 'leave on your own terms' before we kick you out anyway. As Fram eloquently put it: this isn't a choice. It's a coerced exodus of skilled individuals who thought their service mattered more than the administration's latest attack on their existence. But sure, it's all about national defense, right?
#killing-democracy#fascism
saudi shopping spree: trump trades syria sanctions for cash
When diplomacy looks more like a stock photoshoot: Trump and bin Salman seal the deal in Riyadh, because foreign policy is best handled over tea and contracts.
In a move that would make Machiavelli proud, President Trump has decided that U.S. foreign policy should be dictated by the bling of Riyadh's ballrooms. During his visit to Saudi Arabia, Trump announced his intention to lift sanctions on Syria—a country whose leadership was, until recently, best friends with al-Qaeda. But sure, let's give them a clean slate. Meanwhile, the royal palace was as busy as a Wall Street trading floor, with Trump signing off on big-money deals while pretending this isn't just another chapter in his Art of the Deal saga—Middle East edition.
Because nothing screams 'peace and stability' like shaking hands with a former terrorist-in-chief, right? Trump's entourage consisted not of diplomats but of CEOs and Cabinet members eager to exchange the stars and stripes for the all-mighty dollar. So much for the U.S. being a beacon of democracy and justice—it's all about the Benjamins, baby.
#corruption#imperialism#lawlessness
The Pentagon: Where Background Checks Go to Die
'Highly unusual': White House halts FBI background checks for senior staff, shifts them to Pentagon: Sources
The White House has officially turned the FBI into its own personal concierge service for background checks—who needs pesky investigations when you can just hand that task over to the Pentagon? Talk about oversight and accountability flying out the window! Apparently, ensuring only trustworthy individuals operate in positions of power is too intrusive for this administration. But fear not, those deemed 'untrustworthy' by the FBI will now be scrutinized by the DOD—a level of oversight as comforting as a toddler playing with matches. It’s a glorious display of political gymnastics, where national security takes a backseat to loyalty tests. Bravo!
#corruption#lawlessness#unconstitutional
Pardon Me, But This Is Insanity!
Changpeng "CZ" Zhao, billionaire and former chief executive officer of Binance
Trump’s family in bed with Binance, the poster child for anti-money laundering violations? What a surprise! With a convicted criminal in charge still pulling the purse strings, it’s clear the only currency the Trumps value more than money is corruption. A $4.3 billion fine and a few months behind bars didn’t stop Zhao from courting deals from a former president who turned pardons into a side hustle. Apparently, the law is merely a suggestion when you’re swimming with such deep pockets!
#corruption#oligarchy#crypto
